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Monday, May 1, 2017

Senran Kagura Burst: Guren no Shoujotachi (閃乱カグラ Burst -紅蓮の少女達-)

Senran Kagura Burst is an expansion of the first Senran Kagura game that includes both games. I didn't know this at the time so I ended up buying both copies. But you know what? The first game came out in the glory days when publishers included REAL manuals instead of the single page foldout contained in the "enhanced" upgrade. So I'm going to keep it in my closed, sealed off collection of boxes cause it's "collectible".

3DS manual, they sure don't make'em like they used to (or at all really T_T)
The first game has the characters from the "good" Hanzo Gakuen ninja school, while Burst added the option of playing as the characters from the "evil" ninja school: Hebi Joshi Gakuen. You can either view this as a very nice package that essentially doubles the content or a necessary upgrade to a game originally woefully lacking in content. (Hey, at least it comes with a full manual, remember?)

I expected the expanded scenario to take place after the events of the first game. Instead, it covers the same timeline of the first game except from the viewpoint of the other side. What was interesting was the fact that it doesn't try to stay consistent to the events of the first game. It kinda reminded me of a game version of Rashomon. Oh right, gamer philistines. Um, Rashomon is a classic Japanese film where multiple people witnessed the same event yet all have completely different stories of what transpired. I don't know if this ninja story has some sort of deeper theme like the movie (um, probably NOT) but I did think it was a bit odd.

FORTY THREE PAGES, sigh those were the good ol' days
Anyways, who cares about the story, it's all about the boobs, right?!! Well, let's talk about boobs, shall we? While I wouldn't call myself a boobie sommelier, I'm far past the immature, juvenile stage of "the bigger the better" mentality. I have a far richer variety of tastes in terms of sizes and more importantly, boob shapes. Unfortunately, almost all the boobs in this game are the same, round, American porn silicone shape except for Mirai. While I've never seen a girl's boobs in real life, at this point, I have very high standards for digital melons and while it's commendable to put boobs on Nintendo's sacred platform, it hasn't held up to the test of time.
Mirai: just wait till you see her hiden ninpou
As for the gameplay, I definitely thought it was stupid, repetitive garbage when I first played it. But that was BEFORE I beat Drag-on Dragoon aka "they weren't fucking kidding about the dragging on part" and revisiting this game after that, well, it's still repetitive but also, very fast and satisfactory. It's like eating KFC. You know it's bad yet somehow you can't stop yourself even though you still remember the last KFC diarrhea-fest. I would say if you like side-scrolling beat-em-ups, you're probably still not gonna like this. However, with a bit of patience, if you level up your characters and unlock all the moves, it gets almost kinda... fun. Crazy.

3 years ago, I probably had a life and better things to do
Score: 3 meh, what the hey, more boobies on Nintendo the better out of 5

Overall, I thought the story was so-so, the gameplay simplistic yet strangely addictive, and the boobies... one dimensional. However, the occasional panchira was not bad especially with the various costumes you can unlock. I have a few more images to unlock but it's a massive grind. I collected all the costumes and accessories and that's good enough for me.

26 hours and 10,708 enemies later... This game SUCKS guys. Fan service is SO LAME
I have to give credit though for an early 3DS game, it brought a lot of things to the table. I mean, what else was there to play on the 3DS in 2012, fucking nintendogs? There's nothing fundamentally flawed about the game except for the occasional floating enemy glitch so I would have to give this one a solid average score of 3.

Yeah yeah, breast physics and clothing destruction is so... 2012
Senran Kagura has obviously become a very successful franchise over the years. However, I find it interesting how well executed the cross-media marketing strategy was from the get-go. From the manga Senran Kagura Spark that started the franchise to the radio show, drama CD, and then the anime, the franchise had a lot of marketing muscle over the years. While this game and the rest of the franchise is localized, us Jhipsters can also enjoy the various side products such as the radio shows and drama CD.

揉んでいいのかな?LOL (Sorry non-jhipsters)

So yeah, sorry non-jhipsters, it's too bad but hey, at least you got all the games localized, right?

If you understand Japanese, this is actually a deep social commentary monologue

0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

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