Dragon Knight II（ドラゴンナイトII）

You know, these are complicated times and I don't think I'm alone in thinking everything is going down the shitter in more ways than one. But oh well, life goes on, and there's nothing like a classic DRPG to remind you of the simpler days before hawk tuah crypto scams or trying to make rent in this economy. If you're looking to just explore some dungeons while enjoying some old school art, Dragon Knight II will fit the bill perfectly.

The days when you didn't have to buy no crypto for some hawk tuah

In the second iteration, all the girls from the village have turned into monsters. The cool part of this story setup is as you rescue these girls, the weaker enemies no longer show up in random encounters, which really cuts down on the grind from useless encounters. I played through the PCE-CD version, which features voice acting but cleans up all the nudity. So you can either opt for some pixel boobies on the PC or voice acting and auto-mapping.

Don't expect anything more risqué in the PCE-CD version

For completeness, I took on the burden of also trying out the NSFW PC-98 version. It's pretty much the same except the major difference of what happens when the girls you rescued come visit you at the inn to "thank you". The PC Engine version features more comedic episodes without any actual hanky-panky going on. 

Just a friendly village neighbor stopping by for a chat!

The 18+ version, well let's just say that you're probably safe because this village supposedly doesn't have any young men and well, it's a fantasy world anyway right? So no reason to worry about STDs!

I'm always impressed at how good these early PC games look given that it came out in 1990. In fact, I would argue it looks better than a lot of art these days, notwithstanding all the AI shit recently. Putting aside the seggs, this is a fun and simple DRPG you can finish very quickly especially if you follow a guide. You do also get some party members and one can even use magic, which I've mostly just used to escape the dungeon.

 

Don't remember if the PCE version had panchira but definitely not acceptable "modern standards"

Score:  3 "Does hair color count as DEI?" out of 5

Overall, I just had so much fun, I was tempted to give an above-average 3.5 score but objectively, it's a fun and simple dungeon crawler. It's certainly a good reminder of how people weren't so anal about stupid shit back in the day. I liked it so much, I might even finish the PC-98 version to see the rest of the "action".

Oh, I forgot to mention that there's not a single strong female character in the entire game. Sofia is not nearly obnoxious enough to match up to "modern standards". In fact, the whole premise of the game is literally damsel in distress. Awful game, 0 out of 10! (Courtesy of IGNorant)

If you want to see more boobies, play it yourself

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Shin Megami Tensei II（真・女神転生II）

I can't believe I wrote about the first Shin Megami Tensei game in 2018. In fact, I can't believe I started this blog in 2015! Jesus, I'm old! Well, it's now 2022 and I finally finished the sequel Shin Megami Tensei II. I've said this before but at this point, I just have to live with the fact that I'll die of old age before I finish every game in my closet. I no longer try to force myself to finish awful games (fuck you Avalon Code) so the fact that I was able to complete this one already means it was enjoyable enough to reach the end.

I'll enjoy SMTV in like 10 years, in the meantime...

Probably my favorite part of the first game was the beginning, talking to your mom and going to the mall. The events in normal Tokyo leading to the apocalypse was fun and pretty much all I remember from the first game.

Remember when everything didn't suck? Oh man, the good ol' days

In this sequel, it's not clear what happened to the first game's characters but apparently they did end up building Tokyo Millenium, which was maybe the Law ending? In any case, you start out as a gladiator with memory loss, which doesn't seem to be the most original start to a story. But no worries, without any spoilers, the story did not disappoint. 

Is it amnesia or... something else? No spoilers on this blog!

Even though 95% of the game consists of filling maps, grinding, and going here and there, you'll read some brief dialogue that drop some bombshell revelations. It is a good reminder that you don't need hours and hours of dialogue to tell a good story though I won't complain if it's voiced by Kana or Ayachi.

Fully voiced remake when? Ahh, it'll probably suck cause it won't be the same (huh?)

As for the gameplay, it's a pretty mixed bag, nothing surprising if you've played the previous games. First of all, the Mag consumption really discourages walking around with demons in your party. I almost always played with just two characters. The only time I felt the need to recruit and fuse demons was when you had to go rescue Hiroko all by your lonesome and to beat Abbadon. You really, really need to fuse a demon with Tarukaja because trust me, I tried to beat him whittling away at his HP on auto mode and gave up after a couple HOURS.

Near the end, you run into enemies where neither swords nor guns work but I just ran away from them. Maybe because I pumped all my points into speed, I had no trouble running away from any enemies that were annoying to kill.

Apparently this is Cero A... fine with me?

All in all, it was pretty much auto battle all the way. The enemies in this game are so generous in dropping full health items, I hardly used any magic. Now, you could conceivably go to town, recruiting and fusing, and devising all kinds of clever strategies but I just slashed and shot everything and ran away if that didn't work. Near the end, Hiroko learns a spell that allows you to summon your demon as undead and that seemed almost a cheat because they're pretty much invincible. I just spammed Tarukaja and whittled away at the final boss to reach the neutral route ending where you basically kill everybody... again. 

A quick couple things to note if you are interested in playing this game. There are two points in the game where you have to raise both your INT and MAGIC to 10, really annoying for a character that doesn't use magic. Though I suppose INT is supposed to help you recruit demons. Also, the direction your avatar spins no longer shows your alignment. You can check with law/chaos exclusive gear or by trying to heal at either.

It's a classic, you gotta use your imagination, damn kids these days...

Fortunately, I was able to switch my alignment back to neutral even after the game asks you a bunch of questions near the end that swings it pretty hard one way or the other. The final point to decide is when Zain asks you to join him, about 10 hours from the end of the game so you may want to keep a couple saves at that point. For me, I doubt I'll ever come back to replay the other routes.

Score:  "Oh, you like Nocturne? Kids these days..." 3 dismissive snorts out of 5 (45 hours to beat)

All in all, this game is tied for my favorite Megaten game so far with Kyuuyaku Megami Tensei 2. I liked that your character has an actual backstory to reveal instead of just some generic kid from the first game. I also really like Beth's character and would totally play a remake with her voiced by some cute voice actress.

Hot springs event / bikini DLC, c'mon Atlus it's free money!!!

The difficulty balance was weird and quirky but at least it wasn't super frustrating and frankly fairly easy to play through even on so called EXPERT mode. Yeah Abbadon was a pain but at least his body wasn't too annoying to navigate again if you didn't have the proper skills to beat him. All in all, not a bad way to spend my ever dwindling life span...  I guess?

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Phantasy Star（ファンタシースター）

So I got a comment (holy smokes, what are those??)  about Phantasy Star that prompted me to pick this game up again. This just goes to show that yes, comments matter here and goddamn I love them little jolts of serotonin. Alistel (thanks for the comments!) prompted me to finally finish the game and I have to say, I had fun with it on the Switch with automap and "Ages Mode" baby difficulty edition.

I played with the scanlines and mapless for all of like 5 minutes

Sure, you could play it without the map OG style but c'mon, the temptation is too hard to resist. If I was in the mood to draw maps, I have a pile of Sekaiju no Meikyuu games somewhere in my hoarder pile (oh god, the never ending backlog...)

For a game that came out in 1987, it looks really, really good. If the Mark III was this capable, it makes you wonder why there weren't more good games on the system (poor Sega). With all the weak arcade ports, and the small library, it's fair to say that this is the best game for the console. 

Granted, I was playing with additional helpful features on the Switch, I still got a good fill of that old-school Japanese RPG fun. Like many early RPGs, you start out really, really weak and need to cautiously save, heal, and slowly bring your level up. Once you get over the initial hurdle, you're off doing the usual exploring, dungeon crawling, and recruiting party members. It's all good, filling that weird need I have once in a while for a repetitively simple and somewhat therapeutic RPG.

Aww, so cute. Ok, time to get to work. KILL BOY KILL!

In addition to the automap, the pause menu has a handy explanation of all the equipment, items, and magic that you would have had to look up back in the day. What? Did you expect an explanation of what shit is IN the game? What next? Maybe you should watch some Youtuber play the game for you? Jesus, kids these days!

Do-heal. LOL, hope the person that came up with that got a nice bonus for creativity (not)

The manual even tells you the various spots where you could get permanently stuck. Ouch, that would suck if you saved and had to start over! As these things often go, I eventually put the game down when I got stuck looking for some shit in a pile of garbage. And of course, how could you not have an early RPG without the section where you have to wade through shit that hurts you on every step. Yes, I will admit I eventually resorted to looking up some help from a handy guide.

I guess it's better than the usual lava which in real life would kill you instantly

In particular, finding the Flow Mover is kind of a dick move requiring you to talk to a random NPC twice, replying both yes and no. Speaking of Flow Mover, the naming in this game is so unoriginal (eg light saber), it's actually kind of funny. Flow Mover - 24 hour dry protection for the active woman. 😂

I can't expect too much from a console RPG in the late 80s but the story was pretty much finding your party members and then just fetch quests. It's too bad because the opening intro was great. The last boss especially seems to come out of nowhere without any explanation and was kinda anti-climatic. Fortunately, I was barely able to win on my first try with all the best equipment. Tyron had 1 HP left and the cat... well, sorry but poor Snuggles didn't make it.

See what happens when you hire APRIL FOOL to write the story? Geesh!

Score: 3 WHY IS MY CHARACTER MOVING BY ITSELF? THIS GAME FUCKING SUCKS!!! out of 5 (Over 10 hours to beat, fuck Switch's ambiguous time tracking)

I had an average amount of fun with this one. It was pretty easy to play with the various quality of life improvements. I can only imagine how awesome it would have seemed back in 1987 but also probably way more frustrating.

Oh, a real gamer girl? Are you selling your dirty bath water, perchance?

I have no major complaints except of course for the fact that MY FUCKING JOYCON DRIFTS!!! You know, this is where I would go on my usual rant about how Nintendo sucks except now Sony decided to become a Twinkie. If you haven't heard the term before, it means they're fucking white on the inside man! They even have a Karen (Catherine but close enough) to explain why they need to spy on you to protect all the millennial snowflakes. If you really believe they won't store your recording past the last 5 minutes, well, ask Alexa to Google that shit for you.

As much as I would've loved a Vita 2 and the old Sony Japan, looks like I'm going to have to abandon Soyney California and settle for Nintendo, the last Japanese console maker.

I made the switch to PS1 for FF7 and it was a good run before things started going downhill with the PS4. Parasite Eve, Metal Gear, Xenogears, the list of fun goes on and on. Let's pour one out for Playstation Japan. Sigh, why does everything suck now? #2020

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Ni no Kuni: Shiroki Seihai no Joou（二ノ国 白き聖灰の女王）

The whole idea behind Ni no Kuni was like a dream come true when it came out like 10 years ago. An RPG by Level-5 and Studio Ghibli with music from Joe Hisashi? Finally, the technology had advanced to where you can play a game that looks and sounds just like a Ghibli movie!!

In 2011, this was some god damn amazing shit

Yes, of course, I'm skipping the first DS game with the not so high definition graphics far from cinematic quality. At the time, I was just starting my journey as a Jhipster gamer. In fact, one of my first import buys for my collection (aka bad financial spending habits) was for the Japanese Magic Master that came with the limited edition of the DS game. Fortunately, you can still pick this up for a reasonable price unlike the false scarcity shit they pulled with the non-Jhipster Wizard Edition.

Way better than getting a stupid plushie imo

It's hard to believe that almost a decade has gone by since this game was released. Gaming has sure come a long ways since then. There's like WAY more frames per second and look at all dem pixels and shit. Oh and don't forget all that lazer ray tracing shiznits!! You can stare for hours at the reflection in the water as you go from one mission to the next, exactly like very other mind numbingly bland and unoriginal AAA game. Hell yeah!!!

Yet another grumpy old man rant but all I see these days is racist censorship, pay to play online, shit gacha games that last maybe a year at best, and everybody trying to move suckers into some sort of subscription service. And now PS5 is going X for confirm and O for cancel with no option to switch?? Jesus fucking Christ (not the brown one)!

So glad 'Merica is pushing superior moral values onto depraved Japanese gamers

The fact is, Ni no Kuni looks exactly as good as it needs to be for a Ghibli style video game. I mean honestly, it probably would have even worked on a PS2, like Rogue Galaxy (also Level-5). The game looks gorgeous and I really enjoyed the intro and the whole premise for your adventure. I especially loved watching you eat your mom's delicious looking eggs and bacon in fine Ghibli style.

There's nothing that says Ghibli like some eggs and bacon

Unfortunately, perhaps my hype for this game was a little too high as the gameplay definitely has that Level-5 feel to it. Though I've only played a few of Level-5 games so far, there's just something about them that seems super mainstream. While I don't dislike Level-5 games, the gameplay never seems very original and feels super safe. It's almost like marketing research comes up with what's supposed to be fun and you end up with a game that's well... supposed to be fun. You know what I mean? All I'm saying is, I was all into the game until they introduced Imagens and oh hey look, it's a fucking Pokemon clone. Bleh.

I just used the pink punch guy for like 95% of the time

I never played a Pokemon game for more than a couple hours and I don't know if I ever will but I'm not into this collect 'em all shit. I got the All-in-one edition so I used the special DLC or whatever that was included for the bulk of the game. Sure, you can recruit enemies, level up the little buggers, and feed them shit to evolve but yeah, not my thing.

I did spend a good 40 hours to beat the game and then some for trophies and I'm still probably far from getting the platinum. Out of all that time, I feel like most of it was spent doing those side quests primarily getting those heart pieces from here to there. Oh, and playing fetch for that fucker who kept losing his damn notebook everywhere.

Now, it may sound like I didn't like the game but overall, I have to say it's a solid title. While the battle system wasn't my favorite, it was good enough to keep my interest even though I probably spent most of the time just punching the shit out of everybody with the pink guy.

I really, really wanted to love this game. I mean, just look at it!

Score: 3.5 git off my lawn with your Cross Worlds mobile MMO crap!! out of 5 (38 hours to beat)

I was really on the fence on whether to score this as an above-average or a great game. While the graphics, cutscenes, and music were undoubtedly great, I went with a 3.5 above-average. I liked the story but I feel like it didn't quite have the impact of a good Ghibli film. Certainly, the characters development could have been better. I mean, geesh, the 3 characters from Koudelka had better chemistry than Oliver, Jairo, and Maru. As for the gameplay, it was I dunno... polished I suppose. Your party's AI isn't great but good enough. You gotta level up your Pokemon err Imagens and switch them out during battles etc. Plus, you got all them fetch side quests, alchemy, etc., etc. It's a good game but just not quite a great game for me. But I'm sure we can all agree, Joe Hisashi is da bomb yo!

I mean it's a bit heavy for gaming BGM but still.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Chaos;Head Love Chu Chu!（CHAOS;HEAD らぶChu☆Chu!）

I was curious about these harem spinoffs that appear to be almost obligatory at this point for the Science Adventure series, especially for a game as dark as Chaos;Head Noah. Even though this game follows the events of the first game, it was easily able to sidestep the issue of what happened in Shibuya with the whole delusion "science" (emphasis on the quotes) thing. Unfortunately, in the real world, being delusional doesn't affect reality (unless of course, you're a Trump supporter).

All this science is what I love about this series

Takumi has matured a bit after the events of the first game so he's ever slightly less annoying (but still pretty damn annoying). As you would expect from a harem fan-service love comedy, the story is far more light-hearted compared to the first game. To be honest, the gore in the Cero Z version of Noah was a little too much even for me. Fortunately, you don't have to worry about dead babies, etc. this time around. Also, this was before the Soyney Cali era so you could still get away with Cero C for a sliver of fabric without holy rays of damnation.

There is a button to hide the text but... are you really that desperate?

This game does get the obligatory +0.5 Jhipster smugness bonus point. I'm not sure why but they didn't even localize the original game much less this fan-service sequel. I suppose non-Jhipsters could try to do whatever non-Jhipsters do if you're that desperate to see a tiny bit of panti. I mean, I won't judge (you sicko).

But if I hide the text, how would you know what's being said here? 

As for the story, I suppose it was a decent follow up adventure to the events of the first game. This time, it's a standard galge ADV where you just have to choose the Mousou triggers that corresponds to each girl's route. In that sense, the story does get a bit boring as it follows the same main narrative just with a different girl. I got so tired of reading the same but slightly altered events and explanations from Erin. Oh yeah, speaking of Erin, she's the sole new character stuck in your computer. I liked Erin's concept and VA and had a few chuckles especially when you scroll up. However, I felt her lack of involvement in the events of the story was a missed opportunity.

2014 when you could still joke about being a lolicon

Speaking of dubious behaviors around fictional underage characters voiced by adults (I feel like I have to point this out), yes, there is an imouto route. There is no incest of course though for reasons I won't go into due to spoilers, the game does bring up some valid points as to why they might not be related. Genetically though, it's a pretty weak argument.

Remember kids, Cero C is ok if you're 15 or older!

As you can imagine for a consumer title, the whole thing is just a big tease. The fact that the routes all follow the same major plot does make the game feel a bit lazy and requires quite a bit of text skipping. Two routes were especially disappointing because they were practically identical. If you played the first game, you could probably guess why since it's Yua.

Yeah, they don't do jack. Not even censored non-sex.

Score: 3.5 What's wrong with imouto naked apron? She just wants to feel comfortable while cooking! out of 5 (24 hours to beat)

Overall, I would say the game is fine. It has some funny moments and it was entertaining enough. The quality of the game is pretty high like the rest of the series so it does get a slightly above-average score. Now, I just need to delete all these screenshots from my sister's computer since she's all complaining about hentai porn or something.

This was NOT the reaction I got when my sister found these pics

If this got localized, do you think they'll go with "mouth rape" for the translation?

I know you are but what am I?

The tips are very helpful, never knew what NTR meant. No, really!

No, don't talk about the law! It's called plausible deniability!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

P.T.

This is probably going to be the first and only post I do on a demo but P.T. is pretty special in a couple of unfortunate ways, the primary one being that we'll likely never see the full game. Yeah #FuckKonami and all that.

The assholes of course also completely wiped the demo from PSN. In fact, P.T. is the only reason I bought a first revision console. I normally wait a few models for the various improvements before buying a console. If it wasn't for P.T., I would probably own a PS4 Pro or maybe I'd be waiting for the PS5 since it's supposedly backwards compatible. But when I heard that the game was getting pulled, I went out and bought the damn console that day. It was actually already unavailable in the US region but fortunately, I managed to snag a copy on JP PSN.

Nice looking "free" demo, you just need a $399 console!

So, I had this thing sitting on my PS4 since then, and I played it here and there for brief periods of time over the years because yes, it's scary as fuck.

I guess it's not that bad playing in broad daylight but naw, I played with headphones alone in the dark of course. The sound effects are so good with headphones.

Silent Hill is an English series but I went with the Jhipster subtitles

Hideo Kojima is well known for fucking with you. My first experience was hours wasted trying to kill Psycho Mantis before resorting to looking up the 2nd player trick. My next WTF was the Metal Gear Rising PS3 theme. It had the typical cool wallpaper with Raiden when one day, my PS3 booted up to some moe shit. Ha ha funny Hideo, lucky my wife didn't see it. (That is if I had a wife.)

Anyway, I was playing one day, and paused the game as I was scared as fuck as usual and all of a sudden it started saying some satanic sounding shit from the pause menu! Holy fuck, that freaked me out.

I hate it when my lunch leaks. Nice idea to count how often on the wall!

Anyways, I've been playing P.T. for a while before I finally decided to finish it recently. I didn't get stuck until the part with all the paintings with rolling eyes and shit. Eventually, I had to look up the solution with the bathroom peeping hole. Also, the final bit with the three baby laughs...

I think I see something in the hole but I don't want to know what.

This demo is pretty short once you know what to do and it was definitely less scary on a 2nd playthrough but I took it nice and slow the first time. If anything, it's a great substitute for coffee if you want to stay awake.

Score: 3.5 fuck this game, how the hell am I going to go to sleep now?! out of 4

As a demo, I would rate this one as 5. I mean it was "free" (finger quotes), scary as hell, and really made everybody hyped for a new Silent Hill game. But I don't really have a rating system for demos. As a game, it would give this a solid 3.5 above average score for all the cool things it does even if you're really just roaming the same hallway repeatedly in a loop.

Hey, it's a million times better than roaming a whole house in Gone Home. Seriously, fuck that hipster game.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Jui Dr. Touma Joutarou（呪医 Dr.杜馬丈太郎）

As things continue to be fucked up because the US is so "special", I continue my never ending quest to... what do YTers call it these days? Ah yes, "curate" my collection so that it best represents ME as a collector. As I might have mentioned before, I'm trying to go through my PSP and DS games to see if they're worth keeping and so here's yet another obscure ADV game: Jui Dr. Touma Joutarou.

Look, we're not hoarders just because our entire house is filled with games!

I know you guys all love my impromptu Japanese lessons (ya right), so I thought I'd mention that this isn't some cutesy vet hospital pet game for kids. Jui here is a made-up word using the Kanji for curse as in "curse doctor". You can clearly tell the difference given that Juui meaning "veterinarian" has a long u-vowel sound. DUH!!

Thanks for the furigana reading for "Dr.", that's REAL helpful (fuckers)

Anyways, the basic premise of the game is you're a former forensics medical specialist who for reasons explained in the game, is now an exorcist. You'll tackle a number of cases all taking place in one condominium along with your loli goth assistant: Kotobiki. I mean, it IS a Japanese game after all.

Whew! I almost thought this was an EA game for a sec there!

For better or worse, this game is not voiced at all meaning much reading of bigly words even for Jhipsters. There are a couple screens of spirits or whatnot that might be considered creepy but on a scare factor scale I would rate this as extremely mild.

Where's the national pandemic response playbook?!! This is horrifying!

Overall, it thought this game was entertaining enough. The gameplay was nothing special just as long as you remember to save before you do your spirit dive or whatever it is. You check out various parts of the room and hope you find what you're looking for before your spirit bar or something runs out. The final so-called puzzle in each case where you have to pick the right type of exorcism is meh... whatever as well (shrug).

Looking for dead baby spirits or your luggage? You decide!

One annoying aspect are the sections where you have to choose to play as Juutarou or Kotobiki when they split up to investigate. Of course, I picked Kotobiki every time but you miss some of the plot no matter which way you pick. I guess this was their lame way of adding some replay value but really, it's just a stupid annoyance. I ain't playing this game twice, fuck that noise.

Score: 3 No pixiv fan art or loli yuri doujin of Kotobiki? Fuck this game! out of 5

I don't really have much to say about this little "hidden" gem except it's terribly average and mediocre. It's nothing special but totally playable I suppose. One minor annoyance is the main story about Juutarou remains unresolved leaving room for maybe a sequel. But c'mon, there was no way this was going to be successful enough for a sequel. So I guess we'll never find out what happens with his main objective. Oh yeah, that's really gonna keep me up at night (not).

I would probably buy and play the sequel for $5 or so if it existed and that's about the most complimentary thing I can say. Final verdict is that this game is going to be leaving my collection and will not be part of what defines me as a person. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to building a bunker under my house to add more room for my game collection. #BunkerGamer 

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

SNATCHER（スナッチャー）

Snatcher was one of the games I definitely wanted to play before I compiled my GOTY list for 1988. It's a Hideo Kojima ADV game blah blah blade runner blah blah terminator, you get the idea.

Oh hi Deckar- ...err I mean Gillian

To put things in perspective, I played a couple console ADV games from that year and a little bit of ANGELUS from Enix on the PC-88. I have to say, besides those Enix games such as Wingman and JESUS, Snatcher is probably one of the best looking ADV games I've seen on the PC-88 so far. However, the biggest issue with the original version is that it ends on a cliffhanger at the end of Chapter 2.

For 1988, this is pretty darn awesome

The PC Engine CD version that was released 4 years later in 1992 is the definitive way to play this game for sure. There are a number of really great looking ADV games on that system and boy was it way ahead of its time. It had amazing graphics, CD audio music, and voiced dialogue! For quick reference, Myst didn't come out until late 1993. What did the competing consoles have around that time? Otogiriso on the Super Famicom? Pfft, get out of here.

In any case, this version has the complete story and is the last one that Hideo Kojima himself worked on. The later ports are just complete garbage especially the washed out and censored PS1 crap. I made the mistake of buying that before I knew better and threw it in the Gamestop dumpster as soon as I finished the best version.

This is pretty much what my wife looks like IRL

So yeah, non-Jhipsters can go ahead and buy the ridiculously expensive Sega CD version to flaunt in their various YT videos, sure, why not? Or I guess you can play it on the just released PC Engine Mini... as long as you don't mind playing it in Japanese. Oh, I haven't done a Jhipster smug pic in a while now!

Aww, no English? I'm sure they'll make it real soon just like that vaccine!

Putting aside the standard Jhipster agenda, I thought the game was, I dunno, pretty good I guess? Maybe a bit over-hyped. For one thing, it's one of the easiest ADV games I played. Pretty much anybody will be able to beat it in roughly over 5 hours with little effort. I'm not saying that's a negative. I'm just as happy to enjoy the story instead of being stuck for hours, say for example, trying to pick a flower that's FUCKING impossible to reach. I think the fact that people could actually finish the game might have helped it stand out.

Ugh, this just reminds me of all those Metal Gear games I still need to finish...

Of course, the cyberpunk setting is also cool. I mean, who doesn't like cyberpunk? The visuals and voice acting was great too. The last chapter did feel rushed though. I wonder if Kojima meant to make a much bigger game but just didn't have the resources? Oh, and of course, how can I not talk about Catherine, the 14 year old model. Err... excuse me, I mean 18, duh! Don't you know that ages are counted differently in Japan at a ratio of 1.285714285714286, you culturally ignorant philistine?! A 14 year old Japanese person is actually 18 here, and 15 years is 19.28571428571429. Geesh, you Americans are SO ignorant!

Why is that towel transparent? TIME TO GO ON TWITTER!

So for a quick Japanese lesson, which doesn't have future tense, Catherine says she's 14 this year. Does that mean she is 14 already or actually 13 and will turn 14 later in the year? No really guys, this is actually really important for states like Alabama. Well, at least it was until 2003, when they raised the minimum marriage age from 14 to 16. (Yeah Japan, why are YOU so backwards?)

Score: 3.5 Man, I'm so glad that a massive biological accident will never wipe out half the world's population in the REAL world, right guys? Um... MAGA? Tired of winning yet? Ah... fuck. out of 5

Anyways, I think if I was rich and Japanese and played this game in 1992, I would've been blown away. As it is, being late to the party as usual, I thought it was pretty good. Just not worth $700 or whatever for a censored version in my Jhipster opinion at least.

Now, that's some fucking sexy sax music

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Megami Ibunroku Persona（女神異聞録ペルソナ）

As I grow older by the day, I can't help but look at the pile of games that my sister keeps complaining about and try to gain some perspective. Like geesh, sis, you're barely even using your basement. And no, why should I go out and get my own place and a "real" job when my patreon and twitch revenue is earning plenty enough for all my essential needs (buying games, dew, and doritos). I don't know why you keep bothering me about rent and utilities. I don't even rent games and all my utilities are freeware!

Shut up, sis! I'm just about to get the Janus coin. Geez!!

What I actually meant by perspective is whether I would even live long enough to finish my games. I kind of thought about making a bucket list of sorts for all the best games I should probably play instead of oh, I don't know, fucking NIGHTRUTH? (Though to be fair, that one was so bad, it was hilarious.) I decided one of the series I definitely want to finish before I kick the bucket is Persona. Though I ended up beating P3 and P4 before I started playing things in order, I'm happy to announce that I just finished the first Persona game. For some reason, they removed the Megami Ibunroku part from the title in the PSP version.

What? A Japanese game title with less than 10 words? Blasphemy!

I know I've ranted about this before but notice that the Japanese cover makes no mention of SMT. Even the original PS1 title "Megami Ibunroku" has no "Shin" anywhere. So yeah, this is the only Persona title labeled as a spin-off to the Megaten series and boy, does it sure play like one.

YAMR (Yet another Megaten RPG)

First of all, while you do talk to people and walk around rooms in a top-down isometric view, the dungeon exploration is all 1st person, just like the various Megaten games that came before it. You can also equip both swords and guns. However, the big difference is the battle system where you have to place your members on a grid via a formation.

I'm a millennial so girls fight in the front (or at least those who identify as a "girl")

I don't think anybody likes this battle system? If an enemy isn't in your attack range, you just sit around and wait for your better placed allies to finish them off. Sure, you can set up various formations in advance but 1) it's too much hassle, and 2) you lose a turn to change formation so fuck that noise. Also, you can only put like 3 people in the front because for some reason, each person has to be a couple squares away from everybody else. You really only need to set up 2 formations, the second is so that when you get fucking back attacked, you have a second one to switch to. It's REALLY annoying.

Overall, the gameplay was just a mess with pretty much everything you could imagine thrown in. First of all, there's a stupid amount of elements that were (wisely) cut from later games such as "gravity", "nuclear heat", "revelation", "shock", and others I don't really even understand such as 「降魔」(descend demons?) and 「破魔」(break demon?). Oh, that's where hama comes from! Thank god at least that analyze happens automatically after defeating the enemy.

Unfortunately, my 奇跡 ("miracle")  element(??) skills were lacking against these guys

As for recruiting demons, literally the only thing you care about is increasing their interest level to get their spell card. Each character has a bunch of dialogue options so you have to choose the right character AND the right dialogue choice. Fuck that, google time. Also, everybody has 2 levels, your actual level and another one for the level of persona you can use. Both levels are almost always around the same so the second one is completely pointless (hence removed in later games). You also need to increase a Persona's rank by using their skills repeatedly to unlock new skills. Thank god their rank at least carries over even if you reassign to another party member.

The stats distribution is super weird too since the Persona's stats override yours. If you spread your points evenly across, they'll be wasted if your Persona's stat is higher. I dumped every point into TEC and AGI as they increase more of your base attributes.  Anyways, you get the idea. It's a big hot mess.

Oddly SP is fixed for each Persona so there is no reason to ever use a weaker skill

In addition, at least in the PSP version, the economy is totally broken. I read that they lowered the difficulty in this version and added a bunch more save points but I played on EXPERT mode so I assume that the difficulty is on par?  But boy, the last boss was pretty easy when you can buy 99 restore full HP items. It was so ridiculous that I ended up with almost 3 million yen with nothing to spend it on.

I'm no game designer but revive + full HP for 6000 yen seems a TAD unbalanced...

Still, even though the gameplay was a mess, I had fun with the game. At the very least, it was a relief to finish off the last boss on my first try after the grueling hell that was P3 FES on hard. Once you get used to the game, off you go, just good ol' regular dungeon exploring, leveling up, and googling demon negotiation and whatnot. I sure wished I read the manual however because the PSP version has a skip option for battles that I only discovered by accident during the final dungeon. Probably would've saved a lot of hours that way.

As usual, I liked the Persona aesthetics

As for the story, I guess I liked it well enough. There's no voice acting except for just one guy, which was kind of odd. As fit for the first game in the series, the theme centers on the various personas and masks we put on as members of society.

Hey, is that a Uzaki-chan poster? Why is the white underwear transparent??

Another interesting aspect of this game is the whole Snow Queen Quest thing. Basically, it's a completely different branch of the game that you can end up in during the first couple hours of the game. I did not play this scenario yet, something to do I guess on a rainy day... if I'm still alive by then.

One more game done! How many years I got left?

Score: 3 What? No Christmas date? No summer beach swimsuit break? This is NOT a Persona game! out of 5 (48 hours to beat)

This is not exactly a title I would wholeheartedly recommend but meh, it was still pretty fun overall. Obviously, I would have loved to use the skip option from the start but whatever. It was a serviceable RPG and the story is... not bad. At the very least, it's interesting to see how far the series has come from its humble roots. I liked the music as usual but man, I have to say the battle theme was a bit too much Persona to hear ALL THE TIME. However, the new PSP ending credits song was #BAE.

I liked it about the first 200 times but... might want to tone it down

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely