Senran Kagura SHINOVI VERSUS（閃乱カグラ SHINOVI VERSUS -少女達の証明-）

I'm going to be real here for just a second and admit that yeah, the gamergate jokes are getting kind of a bit stale. I mean sure, it was a sad and pathetic showing for mankind err... excuse me peoplekind from both sides but c'mon, it was also freaking hilarious! But alas, every joke must run its course and I need to move on to something else (millennial jokes?). Now, what game was I going to talk about again? Oh fucking Senran Kagura SHINOVI VERSUS? IT'S GAMERGATE TIMEEEE! Let's party like it's 2014!!!

Welp, there goes my Adsense $.015 per month ad revenue

Just kidding, just kidding! Of course I'm not actually going to go full retard to rant and rave about the irreparable harm these evil vidya games are causing to our otherwise flawless society nor am I going to get all hot and excited about anime boobs cause c'mon, that's creepy as hell. Besides, putting up clickbait screenshots does nothing for me since they don't actually generate money. (That might explain why I haven't seen as much Shitaku clickbait lately though it's probably only because I haven't visited that hellhole in years.)

This looks bad but she's gonna get a check for $130G so it's totally cool. #MAGA

No, what you're going to see is the top-notch, A-class, quality game journalism that you've come to expect here. The always purely unbiased review of these works of arts based solely on their artistic and functional merits.

This expression of iron will and determination from the strong female cast will serve as a great role model for future... um... panty designers?

The first thing to discuss is the platform as I opted to stick with the original Vita version and not the PC version on Steam. I don't own the Steam version but I'll be happy to give it a try if anybody sends me along a review code, given how professional my reviews are and all. Ahem, going back to the Vita version, even though it looks pretty darn impressive for a 2013 portable game, it does have load times that are long enough to get annoying. I've probably read the tips on the load screen a million times and I'm willing to bet at least few hours of my total game time were probably spent just waiting.

Too bad this isn't the loading screen to keep me "busy". Eww, that's gross! LOSER!

This sequel does take place right after the events of the first game so I personally would recommend playing Burst on the 3DS first. The last boss in the first game is actually pretty cool. The director did say that a lot of people skipped the first game when talking about the remake: Burst Re:newal so maybe you can start there? Nyu is of course, the Kanji for "breast", but I'm sure all my savvy readers got the pun.

How are you supposed to make money on your own in-product ad? Dumies!

The plot in this game was actually surprisingly decent. Sure, there's a lot of filler about girls talking about candy birthday party etc., but it actually continues and resolves some of the plot points from the first game. It even ties together some events such as Katsuragi's parents with one of the schools, which I won't get into cause spoilers.

This game actually has some pretty good plot points.

Minor story spoiler so skip the next section if you care...



I did briefly wonder why Yagyu wore an eyepatch from the first game and when Shiki guessed it sealed some sort of hiden ninpou, that's exactly the kind of thing you would expect from countless shounen manga.

Holy fuck, I thought this was supposed to be a happy game? (Note the Kanji for "head" and "mom"...)

It's refreshing that it actually just turned to be a perfectly ordinary eye patch and as for the reason why she wore it... well let's just say that when Hibari asked her if she would wear another eyepatch for her if she died, Yaguu replied, "of course". Then Hibari realizes that she won't be able to see and they both laughed but I just imagined Yagyu deciding to give up her eyesight to remember the death of close ones. Seems pretty tragic. It really made me reflect on the importance of appreciating your loved ones and their safety and happiness.

The story really makes you think... about life...n stuff...

As for the gameplay, it was pretty easy but also satisfactory button mashing. I was genuinely surprised that they were able to pull off not just one but TWO more schools essentially doubling the number of playable characters from the first game.

Yawn, boooring! Bring out the new girls!

All 20 characters play pretty distinctively too such as Yozakura's delayed gun fists or Hibari's infinite butt bounces. The game was easy enough that I almost never got to use the Zetsu Hiden Ninpou as it requires you to be low on health. Eventually, I spent an hour of so with all the characters just to see the ninpou for fun such as the giant strawberry cake move.

I hope some kid doesn't try this at home for clicks.

Maybe if I played online with some human players, I would see some more depth in the fighting system. Yeah, even though I bought this game new a looong time ago with the online pass, of course the rooms are deserted now. The game also sells DLC coins to make unlocking panties easier but this was still in the early DLC fuck fest days so it's pretty easy to unlock most of them with the free in-game currency. No need to pay real money for fake panties.

Most of the 98 panties are just color variations... I think. Um, it's not like I spent hours unlocking em all!

Score: 3.5 If Shitaku feels uncomfortable playing this game, maybe switch to boxers? out of 5. (53.5 hours for platinum)

I think I've gone on long enough so time to wrap up this impartial and amazingly in-depth game review. While I would normally dock a game for annoyingly long load times, I gave this one a break cause you know, Vita is obsolete, has like 2 megs or memory, thank god for the Switch savior blah blah blah. It's a pretty fun game overall and I put it slightly above average just for the volume of content and kudos for really ramping up the number of memorable characters. When I can remember most of the names of 20 characters, that means they did a pretty good job.

Misogynistic fashion design 101

I also liked playing around with the various hair, outfit, and accessories because that's just the kind of shit I like to do, I guess. If you like to mash buttons, mess with outfits, and listen to girls talk about I dunno Ninja girl stuff, this game is for you. Oh yeah, and sometimes, every once in a while, people fucking die (but nobody you care about cause we got ourselves a bona fide franchise here!).

Also have to point out the nice fat 43 page Vita manual #goodoldays

Some bonus screen shots for my social studies thesis paper.

It's not just about boobs but also real quality writing

These blocking turtles were annoying as fuck

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Sure the tears looks bad but she's got $150G check coming so... #MAGA?

No seriously, it's a pretty fun game.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Fate/EXTRA CCC（フェイト/エクストラ CCC）

The first thing that stood out for me in Fate/EXTRA CCC is that this sequel jumped from Cero B from the first game all the way straight to D. You probably won't notice it in the first few hours of the game but as a dedicated Cero D import collector, I went in apprehensive of any SJW fodder.

What sword fighting technique is this stance?

Fortunately, the sequel came out in that blessed but all too short period in history when developers gave up on localizing all but the most mainstream titles and practically deserted the PSP "Pirates of the Caribbean" ISO download orgy platform. This was the golden age before all this gamer gate nonsense when all non-jhipsters could do was whine and beg instead of complaining that a new game now costs (gasp!) $40?! Stupid Japanese developers!

Because niche means higher volume=lower price... #oxymoron

Ah yes, the golden years, when costumes could be unlocked by playing the fucking game and DLC was a cute idea that fleeced token revenue from only the most gullible. The days of blissful ignorance when nobody knew half the stuff Japan was pumping out like they have been since the mid 80s. When gratuitous panchira was nothing more than a few harmless pixels. I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Can you imagine if Passionlip came out today?"

I claim not clickbait because this is not the first header image

Actually, I am very curious to see what characters will be making a comeback in Fate/Extella. I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction that I WON'T see Passionlip in current gen HD graphics. Nor will we see BB's way too mini skirt and the frequent low angle camera. Oh but it's totally ok because nobody is wearing panties, it's all leotards, right guys? *wink wink*

In communist Russia, panties wear YOU

Anyways, now that I got the obligatory old man ramblings out of the way, let's dive into the game itself. The first thing I want to address is the battle system. The first game gets a lot of flack for being nothing more than a glorified paper-rock-scissor game, a common shitaku-style 10 second analysis before moving onto the next paycheck er... I mean "review". I, for one, enjoyed the pattern matching gameplay and statistical risk analysis for boss fights. It sure beats the spam the "A" button and heal routine of other RPGs that typical gamers rave over *cough Earthbound cough*.

Ugh, another 50+ hours of this shit?

However, no matter how much slack I gave the gameplay, I wasn't expecting the EXACT same thing in the sequel. I'm not asking for a complete different game (ugh Extella musou), but at least they could've made some tweaks, new abilities, ANYTHING to distinguish it from the first game. They recycled pretty much everything including the hougu, which in English is noble phanta... something blah blah blah.

Dunno where they came up with Noble Phanta... whatever

While the combat system is identical, including the already generic and boring enemy models, there's a bunch of tweaks that make this game much easier (eg mainstream) than the first entry. First of all, EXP doesn't have diminishing returns so grinding is now an option and you can retry if you lose a battle. What was Normal/Easy difficulty was also renamed to Maniac/Normal perhaps to make you feel better about being a gamer NEWB.

I actually look a bit younger than the grampa... a bit.

With the tight balance gone, CCC feels more like a TYPE-MOON game instead of an Imageepoch one. In that sense, the visual novel aspect of the game is massively beefed up. There's way more voice acting, which was one of my complaints in the first game. There's a new servant and a few costumes for each servant. Sure, you don't get a choice of dozens of costumes for only 300/400 yen each like the new games but they're included as part of the game (whoaaaaa).

I'm not fucking stupid, you bundled all this on Switch port #boycott #fuckSwitch

Each servant also has their own ending in addition to the standard and CCC ending. However, the biggest flaw in all this new content is that you have to play through the same bosses to view it. My first playthrough was 50 hours but I ended up playing through it twice more for a whopping 105 hours in total. One major problem is that the CCC ending is almost impossible to unlock without a guide and a lot of the story just doesn't make sense without all the events you need to trigger for that ending.

After the first playthrough, I did look up how to get the true ending but fucking google decided it was a good idea to shove spoiler screenshots of the hidden final boss right in my face. Usually, I don't have this kind of issue for Japanese-only Jhipster games but I guess the fate franchise is too mainstream, what with this Fate/GO smartphone bullshit. I quickly closed the offending tab and decided fuck it, I'll try a second playthrough blind and BOY was that a mistake. After another 30 hours, while I did get to see Caster's ending, the true ending was nowhere to be seen. With some more careful googling, I found out that I missed an event in the VERY FIRST CHAPTER. Here we go, round 3, this time, might was well see how the new servant works out story wise. UGH. At least the hougu for the new servant is pretty damn cool and I even got my otome fill. This new servant is SUCH an asshole and you can't help but fall for the "bad boy" even if he does make you sleep pathetically huddled in the corner.


Score: 3.5 Ok, they're not leotards, I admit it! The girls are wearing regular panties and you can see them OMG OMG OMG!!!! out of 5 (50 hours to beat, 105 hours total played).

While the gameplay was recycled, I at least still enjoyed the boss fights even though I didn't enjoy having to replay the game over and over. Caster though is so fun to play because she requires a bit of strategy and is always one step away from dying due to her low HP.

Whoa, Dの食卓 reference? (Sorry non-jhipsters)

In the end, the graphics looked great for the PSP, the music was not bad at all, and the story was interesting enough. Yeah, the story was about girls, girls, girls and their girly problems blown up to have enormous consequence but I enjoyed it. In addition, due to the triggering nature of the content, I'm 99% confident this will never see an English release so +0.5 Jhipster optional points there. What exactly is so risque? Well, minor spoiler but how does "global cum" sound? You'll have to fight the final true boss to see for yourself.

Maybe they'll localize, after all we haven't had good clickbait ad $$$ in a while

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely