Shin Megami Tensei II（真・女神転生II）

I can't believe I wrote about the first Shin Megami Tensei game in 2018. In fact, I can't believe I started this blog in 2015! Jesus, I'm old! Well, it's now 2022 and I finally finished the sequel Shin Megami Tensei II. I've said this before but at this point, I just have to live with the fact that I'll die of old age before I finish every game in my closet. I no longer try to force myself to finish awful games (fuck you Avalon Code) so the fact that I was able to complete this one already means it was enjoyable enough to reach the end.

I'll enjoy SMTV in like 10 years, in the meantime...

Probably my favorite part of the first game was the beginning, talking to your mom and going to the mall. The events in normal Tokyo leading to the apocalypse was fun and pretty much all I remember from the first game.

Remember when everything didn't suck? Oh man, the good ol' days

In this sequel, it's not clear what happened to the first game's characters but apparently they did end up building Tokyo Millenium, which was maybe the Law ending? In any case, you start out as a gladiator with memory loss, which doesn't seem to be the most original start to a story. But no worries, without any spoilers, the story did not disappoint. 

Is it amnesia or... something else? No spoilers on this blog!

Even though 95% of the game consists of filling maps, grinding, and going here and there, you'll read some brief dialogue that drop some bombshell revelations. It is a good reminder that you don't need hours and hours of dialogue to tell a good story though I won't complain if it's voiced by Kana or Ayachi.

Fully voiced remake when? Ahh, it'll probably suck cause it won't be the same (huh?)

As for the gameplay, it's a pretty mixed bag, nothing surprising if you've played the previous games. First of all, the Mag consumption really discourages walking around with demons in your party. I almost always played with just two characters. The only time I felt the need to recruit and fuse demons was when you had to go rescue Hiroko all by your lonesome and to beat Abbadon. You really, really need to fuse a demon with Tarukaja because trust me, I tried to beat him whittling away at his HP on auto mode and gave up after a couple HOURS.

Near the end, you run into enemies where neither swords nor guns work but I just ran away from them. Maybe because I pumped all my points into speed, I had no trouble running away from any enemies that were annoying to kill.

Apparently this is Cero A... fine with me?

All in all, it was pretty much auto battle all the way. The enemies in this game are so generous in dropping full health items, I hardly used any magic. Now, you could conceivably go to town, recruiting and fusing, and devising all kinds of clever strategies but I just slashed and shot everything and ran away if that didn't work. Near the end, Hiroko learns a spell that allows you to summon your demon as undead and that seemed almost a cheat because they're pretty much invincible. I just spammed Tarukaja and whittled away at the final boss to reach the neutral route ending where you basically kill everybody... again. 

A quick couple things to note if you are interested in playing this game. There are two points in the game where you have to raise both your INT and MAGIC to 10, really annoying for a character that doesn't use magic. Though I suppose INT is supposed to help you recruit demons. Also, the direction your avatar spins no longer shows your alignment. You can check with law/chaos exclusive gear or by trying to heal at either.

It's a classic, you gotta use your imagination, damn kids these days...

Fortunately, I was able to switch my alignment back to neutral even after the game asks you a bunch of questions near the end that swings it pretty hard one way or the other. The final point to decide is when Zain asks you to join him, about 10 hours from the end of the game so you may want to keep a couple saves at that point. For me, I doubt I'll ever come back to replay the other routes.

Score:  "Oh, you like Nocturne? Kids these days..." 3 dismissive snorts out of 5 (45 hours to beat)

All in all, this game is tied for my favorite Megaten game so far with Kyuuyaku Megami Tensei 2. I liked that your character has an actual backstory to reveal instead of just some generic kid from the first game. I also really like Beth's character and would totally play a remake with her voiced by some cute voice actress.

Hot springs event / bikini DLC, c'mon Atlus it's free money!!!

The difficulty balance was weird and quirky but at least it wasn't super frustrating and frankly fairly easy to play through even on so called EXPERT mode. Yeah Abbadon was a pain but at least his body wasn't too annoying to navigate again if you didn't have the proper skills to beat him. All in all, not a bad way to spend my ever dwindling life span...  I guess?

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Atelier Elie: The Alchemist of Salburg 2（エリーのアトリエ 〜ザールブルグの錬金術士2〜）

This is gonna be a short post because I really don't have much to say about Atelier Elie. It's pretty much the same game as the previous entry except you are Elie (duh).

The little drama CD included with the game gives a bit of background on her story but Japanese only (sorry non-Jhipsters). This game, like the rest of the Salburg series has never been localized so this game gets the obligatory +0.5 Jhipster smug points.

Wow, this is SO interesting. Too bad it's Japanese only... Aww...

So Elie is a direct sequel on the same console with the same graphics, locations, and recurring characters. Yes, you get to give the weapon shop owner some hair growth tonic again. The only noteworthy addition to the gameplay are the new "blend" and "original" crafting methods. Finally, you can mix and match as you like for infinite possibilities! You want to use 2 nyuzu? How about 2.1 nyuzu? Or even 2.2? You might improve the quality from B to B+ and get a better reputation! Ugh, fuck that, google time.

You used 2.8 green neutralizers instead of 2.9?? You fool!!!

I will admit that I may have graded the first game a bit harshly as we "pro" reviewers tend to do with a game that doesn't hand-hold you with baby gamer tutorials. Now that I have a better understanding of how these games work, I do admit that it gets addictive trying to scrounge up the ingredients without getting killed, scraping up some cash to buy the rest of your equipment and reference books, and managing your fairy slaves ahem "helpers". But saying this game is fun is akin to saying, "Wow, I feel so much better after I tidied up my room!" I mean, who the fuck wants to "play" a game that basically consists of real work and trying to eke out a living to pay off your expenses? Oh...

Look at that tanuki's smug face as he exploits the working class...

Score: 2.5 At least Elie's character design matches today's social standards of ambiguous gender traits! out of 5

I mean the game is fun and all but only in small doses and in my case, several months of breaks in between. I also foolishly agreed to become Meister Rank which extends the game for another 2 years. Elie went back to her village in my ending and I have no desire to play again even though I missed out on recruiting Marie from the first game. I also made gold but the game didn't seem to care.

One of the many events I missed, oh well

In general, without following a guide, I feel like I probably missed out on a whole bunch of events just like the first game. I even almost missed the fact that you could take a carriage to another city because I didn't keep speaking to random people in the town at random times. Oh well, whatever, I'm over it. Ok, time to play Atelier Lilie!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Otogiriso Soseihen（弟切草 蘇生篇）

A sound novel is a term trademarked by Chunsoft and is really just a fancy word for what some would call visual novels ironically with no voice acting. The sound here is referring to SFX and a novel doesn't really talk to you at least back before Audible became a big thing for busy Millennials. Anyhoo, I figured it was my Jhipster duty to check out Chunsoft's sound novel series starting with Otogirisou. I played the PS1 remake and the intro gives off a really good vibe.

Oh boy, this looks scary!

Unfortunately, the writing doesn't quite live up to the enhanced graphics. You can finish this game in a few hours and is designed to be replayed many times. According to the manual, you should replay at least 10 times to get to the "truly interesting" parts.

Oh man, this DOES look scary!

I thought the idea behind the game was certainly interesting. There are tons of dialogue options (supposedly over 1,000) and while the basic premise of the events are the same, it's slightly different and feels fresh every time. For example, the first playthrough shows a photo of the inside of your car while the next playthrough might have a little animation with trees whizzing by.

I'm a sucker for these old school photos

Unfortunately, the freshness lasts maybe about 4 or 5 playthroughs and you quickly realize it's the same basic scenarios. You're driving in the car with your girlfriend Nami, some accident happens, you happen upon a mansion in the woods, etc. etc. The dialogue options get sillier and sillier as well with tons of cheesy puns and it's clear they don't really reflect on the following dialogue.

Ketchup on your salad eh?

Since these scenes are designed to be stitched together in semi-random order, after the first few playthrough, it was mostly a tedious exercise of holding down circle. No skip option is just such a time sink. One might say it's amazing that the story still holds up together even when it shifts and changes but to me, it just means that the story is not that involved.

The rain moves in the background. It's like a novel but EVOLVED!!

Score: 2 desperately trying to get with your gf no matter how fucked up things get out of 5 (15 playthroughs)

Some of the endings were good and it was interesting somewhat but overall I was underwhelmed. Sometimes it got a bit too silly for me and I just couldn't tell if the game was trying to be scary or funny. It wasn't particularly good at being either.

Unfortunately, the story is just not as scary as this picture suggests

However, being the obsessive compulsive that I am, I couldn't help but find all 10 endings to get the pink bookmark. Due to how the story changes up, there wasn't a clear guide and it wasn't that easy but I soldiered through it. The manual suggests some ecchi fanservice with the pink bookmark but I mean, don't get your hopes up. You're not going to be seeing Corpse Party style low angle shots of a girl hanging in a toilet stall. (You sicko.)

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Criminal Girls 2（クリミナルガールズ２）

I pride myself on never buying games at full retail price on release but gosh darn, I liked Criminal Girls INVITATION so much that I couldn't resist pre-ordering the sequel with scented eyemask, etc. (Still smells good!) I did however inexplicably manage to resist shelling out for the spanking stick (I dunno even what to call it) as tempting as the notion of owning such a great collector's item would be for my game collection (plz, plz pick up on the sarcasm).

Oh hi hunny, didn't see you there! Oh this? It's nothing, just my new video game

But alas, before even starting the game, I knew that it would be missing that Imageepoch magic that's so hard to measure called "fun". I played it for a few hours and dropped it due to its grindy nature and the slightly off putting character design. Now, almost 4 years later, I finally grinded the plat out in about 50 hours. NIS released a patch soon after release to add a "Casual" mode probably realizing their "Normal" difficulty was the equivalent of "it's just like Dark Souls!" mode in other RPGs. Still, I managed to resist the temptation to lower the difficulty all the way up to the final true boss.

After grinding for a few more hours, I tried to beat the last boss at level 51 but it kept healing itself faster than I could damage it so I eventually cracked and set it to casual. Yeah yeah, I know, gamer fail. Maybe now, I can finally be a pro reviewer and actually make some money. At least you get a ton of exp so I did eventually beat it on normal at level 56 after beating it in casual 4-5 times. Yes, you have to beat the final boss and true final boss 8 times each (16 total) to watch all the endings. Ugh.

This is just like that time I beat Sekiro without using my hands

The endings aren't even all that great. It's like one CG per girl (reused twice) and some bit of dialogue. The other major disappointment was the lack of content after the final boss. Based on the first game, I was hopefully expecting both Maya and Enri to join your party. But no, unlike the amazing end of the first game, the post endgame content was just a token 2 extra floors and yay another boss you have to beat 8 more times... RIP Imageepoch, how I miss you so.

This doesn't include the 5 hours in the other save file for beating the previous final boss BLEH

The battle system while pretty much the same on the surface to the first game, somehow felt lacking. They added a coaching mechanic that will help or hinder depending on not sure exactly what but I didn't really find it that useful. Also, the skills didn't seem to complement each other for any cool strategies. The reason why the first game was so fun was how sometimes things play out just right like a finely tuned Magic deck. This game was just like, "ugh Yurine, why oh why didn't you suggest the revenge move when you know the boss is about to hit your party like 10 freakin' times. STUPID GIRL!"

Hey don't judge me because my girls are all S instead of M!

On the other hand, the punishment... err excuse me, motivation portions definitely pushed that Cero D rating to the limit. The funny part was the game was obviously self aware of the times with dialogue along the lines of, "Sensei, you'll get locked up for that these days." And then it proceeds to show one of your students chained up so that her face is pressed up against Shinoa's breasts. Kuroe especially was like got dayum! Hope the UN doesn't see this! (For more reasons than one) I'll have to self-censor adjust this next screenshot to align closer to global values as non-Jhipsters might not be able to handle it. After all, my $.001 of monthly Adsense money is at stake here. #FreeH■■■K■■■

Hey, I'm just trying to protect the pride of "our" country (wink wink)

Overall, I enjoyed the game, my negativity really just speaks to how good the first game was. This one is pretty decent as sequels go. It certainly didn't destroy the whole premise of the first game and shat on my childhood memories like the turd Chrono Cross. It's more of the same just... not as good. Ok, but not great. At least coupling TWO girls in motivation really shows innovation in that department.

Screenshot to illustrate the S&M mechanic, what are you trying to look at??

Also, always a nice Jhipster smugness bonus when the English version is censored though it just looks weird because they mostly just removed the chains/bindings yet kept them in the same positions. At this point, I would normally complain that the fact that these games weren't kept in Japan contributed to the climate of commercial games today but honestly with all that's going on with the cancer of Twitter and FB and the fact that anybody can become outraged at anything, I feel like it was inevitable. Some (don't know of a better way to say this) white guy thinks Love Live! is somehow better than another anime sexually(?) even though it's the shittiest anime I've ever seen. In summary, we're all fucking doomed.

Couldn't have said it better myself, Enri...

Score: 3.5 I'm not one of those creepy bloggers agonizing about Tifa's breast size in the FF7 remake but while we're on the topic, what cup size did the pixel analysis indicate? out of 5 (50 hours to beat)

The 16 repetitive boss fights and especially the lack of effort at the end left such a sour taste at the end, I honestly wanted to dock the score down to a 3 average but as one of the last games of this type we'll likely ever see (at least on Censorstation), I left it at a 3.5 and poured one out for the end of an ecchi era. If Criminal Girls X comes out on consoles, I'll probably buy it, but I'm sure it'll be watered down. After all, it's not censored if you do it to yourself right resetera??

It's not censorship because the devs are trying to make money! #LOGIC

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Chrono Cross（クロノ・クロス）

Full disclosure, I'm pretty much a Chrono Trigger fanboy. I still remember watching the trailer over and over at Toys R Us with my jaws on the floor. Holy shit, the Toriyama Akira art, the amazing graphics, the music, it was a trifecta of perfection. I saved up my arubaito money and bought a shady CIB copy at the flea market for the cheap, cheap price of $70, probably like $100 in today's money adjusted for inflation.

As a stupid kid, I lost this poster along with the game.

Several years later, as an older and wiser gamer, I bought a used copy of Chrono Cross on eBay probably for like $15 or something. Despite not splurging on it on release like a craven Youtuber, I was still super hyped, that is until I started the game. The music was pretty good. It's not as good as Trigger's kami OST but not bad and that's about the only good thing I can say about the game. I eventually stopped playing around the part where you rescue Rideru not because the game was terrible but for a reason that's almost worse, it was just boring. This time, as a fully evolved Jhipster, I decided to finish at least the true ending hoping that the original Japanese script will make things better. It didn't really.

At least the OST is good...

Here's the deal, Chrono Cross is the kind of title hipster game journalists will hail as "underrated" as they masturbate to their droll, creative lit 101 inspired review. I'm just a dumb gamer so I'm gonna call this spade a duck (or whatever, I'm not a "pro" writer). This game fucking sucks ass.

You would imagine a team would have to mentally prepare themselves with balls of steel to create a follow-up to one of the greatest games of all time by the "Dream Team" of RPGs. For you kids, that term is no joke referring to a team with Jordan, Magic, Bird, Pippen, Barkley, and Ewing. It was like watching somebody play 2K with cheat codes in real life, to give you an idea of how ridiculously OP that was. So when the sequel doesn't even recognize the save files and makes me move the cursor to "Continue" every time and doesn't even remember the last save slot, I could already tell these fuckers did not take the task at hand seriously. How the fuck do you have the balls to make a sequel to Chrono Trigger with a sloppy and shitty UI? I know it sounds like nitpicking but it just shows a lack of polish that also speaks to the rest of the game.

Chrono Trigger team but more Japanese and slam dunking brilliant game design. 

As soon as you start the game, it's apparent that it looks nothing like the original and not in a good way. I'm not super picky about graphics but man, they couldn't cut Toriyama a check? The character design is so fucking generic. It's especially jarring for some characters that are supposed to look a certain way based on the first game and they totally don't.

I'm sorry but this looks like something a bunch of Korean contracters would knock out on the cheap

In addition, while the battle system is balanced, it's slow and boring as fuck. What makes an RPG fun like Dragon Quest and of course Chrono Trigger, is watching your characters get stronger as they progress. Apparently they forgot that, as well as, obviously missing Horii himself. In this game, you get a star and level up when you beat a boss but only very, very minor stat increases for regular battles so there is literally zero incentive to the whole thing. The economy is broken so there is no monetary incentive either. I spent the entire game trying to avoid the enemies as much as possible and still had little trouble beating the game. As a game, Chrono Cross isn't any fun, which is primarily why I stopped playing back in the day. But another reason I stopped was because the story just didn't go anywhere.

People don't understand the story because it's never shown, not because we're not "pro" enough to understand it. In the original game, we traveled around the world across many ages and experienced an amazing adventure first-hand whether it was dragging Robo's broken body to a dome or bumping into a cute girl at the festival by chance. In this game, some shitty ghost characters tell you some mumbo jumbo about multiverse and some Captain Planet shit about the planet moving cities to try to protect itself from humans or whatever. But really, what you're actually doing is going back and forth to the same but slightly different set of islands, collecting shit and fighting boring enemies with no backstory. The switching was especially annoying too. What, they couldn't make it a menu option? You constantly have to go back to the beach, skip the cutscene, go talk to this character, collect an item, etc., and switch again for the next thing. I don't remember what happened in which world and honestly it doesn't even matter.

At least Jhipsters don't have to read Kid's stupid Australian accent, eh mate?

You never get to leave the islands, you don't get to see the main continent they keep talking about, you're just going to the same tiny islands at least twice cause you know, alternate reality! Wow, what a clever way to recycle the same shit... Urr I mean set up an "equally valid, separate, and well-developed world" that's not a "rehash" to quote a "pro" journalist. It really reeks of a low budget game maybe because they were so busy writing tiny variations of dialogue for all the random characters that join you for no reason.

I don't know what the fuck they were thinking with all the random characters. Most don't add jack to the game and you're not going to convince me that their little side stories are equivalent to the deep character development from the original. They also tried to do a half-hearted token shoehorn of Maou but instead fucked up one of baddest, coolest villians in game history.

Fuck you Arufu, you ain't shit

And that's my major beef with this game. It's not a horrible game, it functions and would normally be around a 2.5 score but I cannot forgive it for fucking with the story of Chrono Trigger. They added this ending in the later DS version as a tie-in to Chrono Cross, kind of like how that stupid Anakin kid shows up at the end of the "enhanced" version of Return of the Jedi instead of Darth Vader.

Meesa thinks this game sucksa.

It's the most pathetic ending I've ever seen that just left a bad taste in my mouth. Basically, there's a boss you're not strong enough to beat because you have to wait for Serge or some shit. Yes, the original cast with better design, infinitely better character development, been through way more shit than just floating around some islands somehow couldn't deal with it. Instead, Serge has to... you know what? I don't even know what the fuck he did. The story is so abstract and lectured to you, what did Serge actually do besides being born? The true ending with the Chrono Cross melody that I had to google ends the whole thing with a final boring lecture. I had more fun watching a documentary about quantum physics. (To be fair, quantum physics is cool... and WEIRD.)

Score: 1.5 Jar Jar Binks out of 5 imagine if Solo doesn't even shoot in the cantina but instead lectures about protecting the environment. (40 hours to beat)

Apparently, Chrono was too busy drinking green milk to deal with things this time. Actually, the game never explains that part. It leaves a lot of things unexplained, which hipsters love. But Katou, I just wanted a fun game. If I wanted to play some artsy, hipster shit, I would rather play Moonlight Syndrome and that pretty much sums up how much I hated this sacrilegious "Indiana Jones Crystal Skull" level of butt fuckery.

To explain why I can't help, first, are you familiar with string theory?

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Seiken Densetsu - Final Fantasy Gaiden（聖剣伝説 -ファイナルファンタジー外伝-）

The last Seiken Densetsu game I played was that gacha mobile port shit RISE of MANA, which definitely left a sour taste in my mouth. So naturally I went and bought the Vita port of the mobile remake of the first game in the series. After all, this game has the same janky mobile graphics like the last one I hated so gotta buy it, right? (Gamer logic 101)

Concept art looks great but a Gameboy doesn't have the specs to-, wait what? $700 iPhone? ...oh.

Now that I actually played through the game that I bought almost 3 years ago on $ale (no doubt for more than the current list price), I'm happy to report that it's actually still (almost) a real game unlike RISE of MANA. I say almost because this game is so easy, you can practically play with your eyes closed or I guess poke at your screen like some lab monkey as intended for the mobile folks. The graphics don't look so hot either. I may even go as far as to say you may as well stick with the OG Gamboy sprites. Yeah yeah, once again the Switch probably got the better deal with the whole collection of the original games, don't worry I'm already moving off of the Censorstation (but the trophies...).

25 years of technological advances and this is what we end up with?

As for the gamplay, the bosses are so easy this game is kind of like Sekiro except it's like you switched places with the bosses and they only get one try to kill you. I know cause I totally beat and can write a "review for Sekiro". (← Google, please rank this part) In fact, instead of the pro journalists that used a cheat to beat it, I'm so efficient, I beat it by watching somebody use the cheat. Actually I didn't even watch it, I count one of the views of somebody else watching on Youtube as me beating the game, I'm super pro like that. Uh where was I? Oh yeah the gameplay.

It's cool, it's just a game- wait... is this like... your job? Oh... wow.

I'm not sure about the difficulty but everything else seems to be a faithful port of the original so I did have to look up a guide when I got stuck in a few places as this is old school "You stuck? Well I guess you fucking stuck then" type of game. It's pretty ridiculous when one NPC says "Yeah, why don't ya get your ass out there and try flare on dem rocks 'till you find em hidden entrances like?" Other than getting stuck, it was a pretty simple game that I finished in a little under 12 hours. It was a bit annoying that you have to constantly switch out stuff from your menu. The 3 quick slots helped but I could have used like 6 slots, especially one for those goddamn fucking annoying keys.

Going back to the Jhipster agenda, let's discuss the localized title Adventures of Mana. Now you can play as Mana going on countless amazing adventures, wait, that's not a character? It's what? But the grammar... fine whatever.

This first game of what non-Jhipsters call the Mana series is also a Final Fantasy spinoff hence the localized title Final Fantasy Adventure for the original game. Now, you may be inclined to think that it's a spinoff in name for marketing purposes only like the Final Fantasy Legend series but no, it's a real spinoff with Moogles and Chocobos.

Aww so cute, sorry about your legs oh spoilers

In fact, in the GBA "new testament" remake, they removed all the FF stuff and made it a proper Seiken Desetsu game. However, this is definitely NOT that game so not sure why they changed the English name but once again, we are not new to localizers who don't know jack here at Jhipster land.

As for this original GB remake, I found the story had some good moments. Yeah, it's a Gameboy faithful remake so the dialogue isn't going to win the Pulitzer eg "Ugh, I'm dead. Croak." but it wasn't bad and had kind of an interesting ending (again "for a GB game" being the key caveat).

The script says "don't die!" but the face says "whatever"

I did find it funny for the best part of the story, they still decided to censor one item you need from Medusa blood to tears instead. This game obviously was loved by the JP kids back in the day because there's a whole page of details of how in the original game, you get experience for the end of the Medusa boss potentially putting up an awkward "You leveled up ze" message, ruining a touching moment. No worries, they fixed that "bug" in this remake.

Amanda, is she going to be a girl you hook up with? Play to find out!

Overall, I found Seiken Densetu - Final Fantasy Gaiden to be a standard old school portable title, something to kill time or to decompress while playing a "real" game. It's a really good Gameboy game, one that probably deserves a 3 or even 3.5 score in its day. However, on the Vita with these graphics and zero difficulty, it's a mediocre experience overall. The title screen music is great though at least.

The rest of the OST unfortunately was not as good as the title screen

Score: 2.5 buckets of blood out of 5 (12 hours to beat, 16 for plat)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have like 5 hours of grinding left killing scores of elephants to get the rest of the trophies since it's SOOO much fun and yes, I totally have a life (not really). OMG, killing elephants, what kind of message is that sending our kids? I demand this game be taken down immediately! Oh excuse me... what? We only care about censoring sex? But that's a natural part of our species... uh huh... uh ok I understand... Stay tuned for our extensive coverage of MK11, the hottest new game just released!

Don't forget to only pick Warrior and Mage to be able to unlock all 99 stats trophies!

Good thing the Auto save works as well as it does (shitty mobile port)

Oh, does this lead into the sequel? I haven't played that since before my Jhipster evolution.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Deemo: Last Recital（DEEMO～ラスト・リサイタル～）

There seemed to be a kind of rhythm game dark ages for a few years where the only console games coming out were what I call "play alongs", basically the video game equivalent of a tambourine at karaoke. Bemani (Konami) pulled out of the home console market and Neowiz was MIA after DJMAX Technika Tune. So naturally I was excited when Deemo was announced, a new rhythm game for the Vita. I was less excited to learn soon after that it was a port of a mobile game but I was resigned to the realities of this iPhone mobile shit fest era. Rayark is a Taiwanese developer (or Chinese according to China but let's not get into THAT whole mess) but of course, as a Jhipster, I played the Japanese version.

The Japanese VA for this Taiwanese game is Ayachi #BAE

The Vita version I believe added those nice animation cut scenes and while they are silent, there are a few lines of dialogue voiced by cutie Taketasu Ayana in-game. I dug the stylish presentation at least much more than what they're teasing for the upcoming WTF 3D remake on PS4. Overall, I enjoyed the simple story and presentation even though all the songs are basically a black background.

I'll take this over the 3D shit, thank you

The gameplay is very simple and this is a definitely a good rhythm game for casuals. Being a mobile port, you basically touch the keys when they reach the line. The yellow keys don't require a tap meaning you can do some very satisfying slides.

Ooh, this is going to be so satisfying

The piano is a major part of the story so all the songs have a piano track which naturally means that the music is not quite as varied as other rhythm games. Of course, they managed to sneak some dubstep in because how will I live without more dubstep? (barf) Overall, I thought the included songs were pretty good though nothing super memorable except for Sakura iro no yume; I must've played that shit like over 10 times.

This reminds me of some song from a Ghibli movie

Though the Vita version had a decent amount of songs, the rate at which they unlocked was way too slow meaning you ended up playing a lot of the same songs again and again. There are a handful of songs unlocked playing the After Story and they offered the Shattered Memories DLC for free but it only unlocks after you beat the game. This means I finally got a whole bunch of songs only after I was kind of already over the game. And of course, you can't help but feel cheated now that the Switch version is out with ALL the DLC which I imagine is a crazy number of songs. No trophies on the Switch but who cares about that shit, not me!

While full combo is pretty easy, it's a BITCH to get 100% (Silver trophy)

Oh well, who knows if Switch is even fun to play with that size and weight. The Vita 2000 was a perfect size for me to swipe away while holding the thing laying in bed, something I can't say applies for the Switch. #NotSaltyOkALittleSalty Also, for some reason the fully animated cut-scenes from the Vita version appears to be missing, going back to the original still images. The Vita version may be worth it just for that if you can get it on sale (not on a $ale like when I bought it).

I can't recommend Vita version over Switch (even though it's better)

Score: 3 fine, I guess it's time to switch to the Switch, ugh out of 5

Overall I had a fun time with the game and it's a solid title for the cost I paid in yen (it was on $ale). Obviously my score might have been higher if all the DLC was included like the Switch version. I just wish that the keys actually made the music. In some segments, there's an echo if your timing is off so your skill does have minor affects on the music and the the Duet mode actually seemed better in this regard but overall, it sounds mostly the same whether you play well or not. Definitely no DJMax here. (Please don't ask me how I played Duet mode with no friends.)

Having finished this a full 2 years after I bought it, the rhythm game market is hotter than ever. Not only did Neowiz knock it out the park with fucking amazing DJMax Respect, Sega lost their shit and released the double whammy Future Tone and Future Sound. Well Konami is still fucked but otherwise, it's definitely a good time to be an oto-gamer and Deemo was a good palette cleanser for the dry years.

You'll need to google the meaning after you beat (spoiler warning)

I mean honestly, does ANY game need more CV than just Aya-nyan?

Oh those Taiwanese devs, they're so funny

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Omoide ni Kawaru Kimi: Memories Off（想い出にかわる君 〜Memories Off〜）

You know, I'm just going to start out by saying that the Memories Off series has really started to grow on me. I know it's probably just a simple psychological reaction. When you spend about 100 hours through 3 lengthy games in the same setting, things kind of start to feel endearing and even nostalgic similar to the Trails series.

Spending 100 hours over 3 games (not for "pro" reviewers)

Speaking of Falcom, here we are on the 3rd game and I'm almost starting to feel like Shin is some galge equivalent of Adol. In the first game, he was your buddy in high school. In the second game, you happen to meet Shin after he dropped out of school and moved into the same building. He even got you that part time job over the summer at the family restaurant he was working at to save money to travel to India. This time, you play as a college student and Shin is a buddy that happens to be living nearby after he returned from India.

The guardian angel of galge guiding you to snatch some... um hush money? #MAGA

In the first game, you grew up with 2 girls as childhood friends and some stuff happened involving rain and whatnot. In the second game, you started out already with a girlfriend. This time, you start the game after your girlfriend left you 3 years ago without saying a word. She of course shows up out of the blue near the beginning of the game. Why did she leave? Are you going to somehow get back together or pick one of the other delectable girls you happen to meet? Are you going to be a two-timing asshole like the last game? You'll have to play to find out for yourself!

Oh geez Kanata, now my bed smells like another girl! Febreeze time! (not even joking here)

This game definitely feels a bit different in the beginning maybe because you no longer have a convenient school setting to meet with JKs everyday (damn riaju!) though rest assured, there are still some JKs ripe for the picking. Let's not get into the legal ramifications of being a college student dating JKs, these were simpler times. Or given that this is a clean game, maybe all you did was hold hands and smooch though I find that hard to believe.

16? Well, I guess it depends on which state you live in...

Kidding aside, this 3rd iteration of the series definitely seems more adult even though you're a privileged loser (#onepercent) whose parents apparently have enough money to afford your college tuition, living expenses, and your own private accommodations without you having to earn a dime. No awkward hand made sign to keep roommates out for shagging necessary. But I'm not talking about that kind of adult. What I mean is that the girls are literally adults and have grown-up people problems (eg finance) except for the Kashima sisters and Tama aka the "where the fuck are your parents?" JKs. In the end, this is indeed a Memories off game in all the ways that matter. Every girl has their own life issues and there are tons of great drama to be enjoyed.

But Neo, what about your little sister? You know, the one in a wheelchair???

You'll also have plenty of nostalgia time to see what some of the girls from the previous games have been up to. For example, Yue is still such a sweetheart, you can't help but fall in love with her again. I mean as the player, no you're not going to try to steal the first MC's girlfriend. That's a line the game doesn't cross.

C'mon Yue, ditch that loser from the first game!

Some of the characters are a bit too quirky for me such as Hibiki who seems to have about a first grade education or Tama who seems borderline mentally impaired, her communication skills are so bad. I'm saying that even as a die-hard fan Nagato Yuki fan. Some of girls routes are not as thoroughly fleshed out either. For example, I would have liked to have seen more dere from Isako-chan. Still, for me, this was my favorite Memories Off game so far and I found the true route really took things in a direction I didn't expect. Without getting into details, let's just say this game definitely has some of that rain theme going on. I also liked how this was less of just a straight up galge with a male cast larger than just Shin and one other guy.

Wow, we look so cool! I hope the girls are noticing!

This is another one of those games like most post 90s Japanese visual novels that starts off really slow and frankly kinda boring. However, I would say with the true ending and plot points from other routes that tie neatly together, it's definitely worth the initial slog. Fully recommended renai drama goodness especially if you've played the first two games.

Ahh, the good ol' days!

Score 4 no wait 3, but I can't seem to break up with 4, but 3 is such a sweet number, please 4 take me back after all! Ok, let's average it out to 3.5 #polygamy? out of 5 (36 hours to complete)

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely