Megami Ibunroku Persona（女神異聞録ペルソナ）

As I grow older by the day, I can't help but look at the pile of games that my sister keeps complaining about and try to gain some perspective. Like geesh, sis, you're barely even using your basement. And no, why should I go out and get my own place and a "real" job when my patreon and twitch revenue is earning plenty enough for all my essential needs (buying games, dew, and doritos). I don't know why you keep bothering me about rent and utilities. I don't even rent games and all my utilities are freeware!

Shut up, sis! I'm just about to get the Janus coin. Geez!!

What I actually meant by perspective is whether I would even live long enough to finish my games. I kind of thought about making a bucket list of sorts for all the best games I should probably play instead of oh, I don't know, fucking NIGHTRUTH? (Though to be fair, that one was so bad, it was hilarious.) I decided one of the series I definitely want to finish before I kick the bucket is Persona. Though I ended up beating P3 and P4 before I started playing things in order, I'm happy to announce that I just finished the first Persona game. For some reason, they removed the Megami Ibunroku part from the title in the PSP version.

What? A Japanese game title with less than 10 words? Blasphemy!

I know I've ranted about this before but notice that the Japanese cover makes no mention of SMT. Even the original PS1 title "Megami Ibunroku" has no "Shin" anywhere. So yeah, this is the only Persona title labeled as a spin-off to the Megaten series and boy, does it sure play like one.

YAMR (Yet another Megaten RPG)

First of all, while you do talk to people and walk around rooms in a top-down isometric view, the dungeon exploration is all 1st person, just like the various Megaten games that came before it. You can also equip both swords and guns. However, the big difference is the battle system where you have to place your members on a grid via a formation.

I'm a millennial so girls fight in the front (or at least those who identify as a "girl")

I don't think anybody likes this battle system? If an enemy isn't in your attack range, you just sit around and wait for your better placed allies to finish them off. Sure, you can set up various formations in advance but 1) it's too much hassle, and 2) you lose a turn to change formation so fuck that noise. Also, you can only put like 3 people in the front because for some reason, each person has to be a couple squares away from everybody else. You really only need to set up 2 formations, the second is so that when you get fucking back attacked, you have a second one to switch to. It's REALLY annoying.

Overall, the gameplay was just a mess with pretty much everything you could imagine thrown in. First of all, there's a stupid amount of elements that were (wisely) cut from later games such as "gravity", "nuclear heat", "revelation", "shock", and others I don't really even understand such as 「降魔」(descend demons?) and 「破魔」(break demon?). Oh, that's where hama comes from! Thank god at least that analyze happens automatically after defeating the enemy.

Unfortunately, my 奇跡 ("miracle")  element(??) skills were lacking against these guys

As for recruiting demons, literally the only thing you care about is increasing their interest level to get their spell card. Each character has a bunch of dialogue options so you have to choose the right character AND the right dialogue choice. Fuck that, google time. Also, everybody has 2 levels, your actual level and another one for the level of persona you can use. Both levels are almost always around the same so the second one is completely pointless (hence removed in later games). You also need to increase a Persona's rank by using their skills repeatedly to unlock new skills. Thank god their rank at least carries over even if you reassign to another party member.

The stats distribution is super weird too since the Persona's stats override yours. If you spread your points evenly across, they'll be wasted if your Persona's stat is higher. I dumped every point into TEC and AGI as they increase more of your base attributes.  Anyways, you get the idea. It's a big hot mess.

Oddly SP is fixed for each Persona so there is no reason to ever use a weaker skill

In addition, at least in the PSP version, the economy is totally broken. I read that they lowered the difficulty in this version and added a bunch more save points but I played on EXPERT mode so I assume that the difficulty is on par?  But boy, the last boss was pretty easy when you can buy 99 restore full HP items. It was so ridiculous that I ended up with almost 3 million yen with nothing to spend it on.

I'm no game designer but revive + full HP for 6000 yen seems a TAD unbalanced...

Still, even though the gameplay was a mess, I had fun with the game. At the very least, it was a relief to finish off the last boss on my first try after the grueling hell that was P3 FES on hard. Once you get used to the game, off you go, just good ol' regular dungeon exploring, leveling up, and googling demon negotiation and whatnot. I sure wished I read the manual however because the PSP version has a skip option for battles that I only discovered by accident during the final dungeon. Probably would've saved a lot of hours that way.

As usual, I liked the Persona aesthetics

As for the story, I guess I liked it well enough. There's no voice acting except for just one guy, which was kind of odd. As fit for the first game in the series, the theme centers on the various personas and masks we put on as members of society.

Hey, is that a Uzaki-chan poster? Why is the white underwear transparent??

Another interesting aspect of this game is the whole Snow Queen Quest thing. Basically, it's a completely different branch of the game that you can end up in during the first couple hours of the game. I did not play this scenario yet, something to do I guess on a rainy day... if I'm still alive by then.

One more game done! How many years I got left?

Score: 3 What? No Christmas date? No summer beach swimsuit break? This is NOT a Persona game! out of 5 (48 hours to beat)

This is not exactly a title I would wholeheartedly recommend but meh, it was still pretty fun overall. Obviously, I would have loved to use the skip option from the start but whatever. It was a serviceable RPG and the story is... not bad. At the very least, it's interesting to see how far the series has come from its humble roots. I liked the music as usual but man, I have to say the battle theme was a bit too much Persona to hear ALL THE TIME. However, the new PSP ending credits song was #BAE.

I liked it about the first 200 times but... might want to tone it down

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Final Fantasy IV: The After Years（ファイナルファンタジーIV THE AFTER 月の帰還）

Like I said in my FF4 post, I wasn't sure if The After Years was a full game that would be worth its own post. For some reason, I had the impression that "After Years" was just a quick side-story fan service game that could be finished in like 10 hours or something. After all, could one expect a "real" game originally released on Docomo, au, and Soft Bank pre-smartphone days? (Obligatory Jhipster comment: I was a die-hard au customer cause they had the best student package.) Well thank god Square ported this from those dead platforms because this ain't no quickie 10 hour game, it's freaking FF IV-2 in episodic format.

Whoa, how did au take a photo of me here? Creepy!

I played the PSP version including Interlude which took a little under 4 hours to finish just by itself. I was not a big fan of the episodic format because you end up playing through the early events of the story again and again but from different perspectives. Objectively however, I'm not sure of a better way the game could have shown you what all the characters have been up since the events of the first game. Initially, I was afraid this was going to be a game about just the new kids on the block while you watch an old decrepit Cecil milking some imps.

What more you want from me? I defeated Zeromusu for god's sake!

Fortunately, the old cast are not shat on like some other franchises. Well, it was kind of annoying that your bad-ass party is for some reason weak as fuck again but oh well, not every game can be Trails SC. As for the new kids, while Cecil's son was as boring as you could ever imagine, at least we get to see some qipao sprite art. (Gamers, get your box of tissues ready!)

Is she a blonde Chinese? Geesh, I hope she doesn't go to the prom like that cause white people will be PISSED.

Really, the first few episodes are kinda boring and super easy but at least they're fairly short. You can blast through them with auto-battle on pretty much the entire time. However, the free ride abruptly ends with Fusuya's episode. I almost thought it was a scripted boss battle, I died so hard and fast. To make matters worse, there's a level cap to prevent grinding your way through. I mean we're talking DS level difficulty here. I'm not sure how game "journalists" were able to beat this 45 hour game without a handy cheat. Oh right, they didn't.

MY mind is blown that you get paid to rant about a 40+ hour game 20 hours in but I guess I'm "weird" like that

Once you get over the baby intro portion, the plot really does start to get more interesting. It was really satisfying to see all plot points left hanging in the first game get resolved. Kain (I used to think it was pronounced "Cane" in my ignorant pre-Jhipster days) was one of my favorite characters back in the day. Will he ever come down from the mountain? Is Cecil going to resolve his relationship with Golbelza? Is Seodoa ever going to get laid? Play to find out!

The answer to the last question: "fuck no"

Seriously though, while yes the last some 30+ floors of dungeon exploring with boss after boss might scare away those who need to get paid for the next game review, I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge. I found out in the DS version due to the nature of the ATB system, slow and haste are super OP. Casting slow on the bosses that don't spam reflect and having two members that can cast haste is the easy way to win. The moon phase also really matters so make sure you sleep until white magic is strong. (What is this, a Megaten game??)

Yes, grinding under-leveled members you ignored is a pain (Seodoa, I mean you)

I also really liked the fact that I made some choices in the game that resulted in some people getting killed. Unlike the original Hollywood "everybody is ok!" story, these characters stay fucking dead. I probably would have replayed it in my younger days but as a more mature gamer, I played through with the consequences of my choices.

Score: 3.5 How dare Square create a sequel of a beloved classic reusing the same characters and places! #MINDBLOWN out of 5 (49 hours to beat)

If you liked FF4, you really can't go wrong with this sequel in my opinion, it's everything that's good about FF4, just more of it. That is of course unless you're a "pro" journalist who can't handle a game with some real challenge. If you didn't like the original game, well you can just go back to streaming Fortnite or whatever you kids do nowadays. (You'll be famous one day I'm sure, don't forget to keep up that instagram too!)

One of like 3 new songs in the game

Are the dungeons reused? Yeah duh, just like FFX-2, I mean it takes place in the same world. Could they have added some more original music besides the few songs near the end? Sure, I could've have gone for some good FF4 remixes. Was the game balance a bit grindy for under-leveled characters? I mean it's no Trails the 3rd for sure. But overall, The After Years was everything I could've expected from a sequel to an old nostalgia tears classic and really is just as good as the first one.

OH. MY. GOD. IS THAT CANE???

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

ToHeart（トゥハート ）

I know almost nothing about the Leaf brand of games because it's smut which I abhor but from what I can gather, they started out with a Mahjong trash smut game on the PC-88 and followed it up with a trash garbage smut RPG after which, they released three heathen trash garbage barf filth visual novels called the Leaf Visual Novel Series.

RPG with memorable cast such as DURK BOLT, who also moonlights as pool cleaner and pizza delivery boy

Of course, I have no idea what most of these games are about and I wasn't able to find any screenshots probably because they were ignored by the wholesome internet community due to the filthy contents. As we all know, the internet HATES porn.

Girls from the Shizuku remake; I have no idea how this image got here.

All three games in the series were later remade with better graphics, full voice, and some with new characters, more endings etc. but unfortunately the first two games Shizuku and Kizuato are PC fap machine only. I avoided looking up anything about them in the fear that I might get inadvertently contaminated. Fortunately, ToHeart, the third entry was cleaned up for the holy rays "Oh Lord, please save us from sins of the flesh" Purestation.

I'm sure God will approve (or your diety of choice)

I'm afraid to say I had actually owned 3 copies of this game at one time until I purged my PS1 copy. Now, I only have the PS2 mega box and PSP limited edition exclusive UMD disc. Whew! Glad for the extra space!

No I don't have Trump tiny hands, this is actually the size of two PS2 games

While I know nothing about the first two games, Sizuku was kinda stupid with the whole denpa sex waves thing and at the same time extremely violent. Kizuato was also very dark and violent but it had a story line that seemed simple at first but actually had many hidden layers. In this game, I guess they were trying to go with something more cheerful and light-hearted or whatever but really it's just about the most vanilla, generic galge you can imagine. Like if DDLC was actually the game it pretends to be in the beginning but add a bunch more girls and you essentially have ToHeart. I could give it some slack if it was the first of its kind for innovation or whatever but no, it came out in 1997.

As dumb as Shizuku was, the music was not bad at all

I don't know if they were trying to ride the simulation Tokimeki/Sotsugyou bandwagon but going through each day of the calendar made the first run slightly more boring than watching grass grow. I'm actually impressed at how many ways they were able to describe getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, getting ready to go to school, etc. The all-ages remake is a lot better than the original 18+ version as it has auto mode but it's still mostly the same game except for a bunch of mini games inside the game. The shooting mini game is actually pretty good but I just wish you could skip it when you replay for all the numerous girls' endings.

Not bad for a game in a game

Once you reach one ending, you can skip all the daily routines (Thank the Lord!) and just go through picking the same girl at one of the 4 locations. The funniest route is definitely Remi due to her crazy American dad that carries a gun inside the house with live ammunition. The characters in this game definitely have a funny image of America probably based on the writer's impressions. After all, there normally aren't any car chases except that one time a car flipped over running away from the cops next to my house. And it's not like Americans all walk around carrying guns and firing them all over the place like fucking idiots... Ok... yeah... I guess it's pretty accurate after all. #ColdDeadHands

No real father would walk around with a dangerous rifle near children (looks up gun death statistics...) Oh.

Overall, I'm glad to be finally done with this yawn borefest. You would think in a setting with fully autonomous maid robots and psychic powers, things would be a little more interesting but nope. The only highlight is the voice acting and 90s anime nostalgia theme songs. My favorite girl was Rio just because she sounded cute. The various radio segments were cool too and bonus Jhipster points as it's not scripted and require near native listening comprehension (yours truly).

Needs more holy rays for the naked shoulders IMO

Score: 2 maybe the original sex scenes would have spiced it up but I guess we'll never know out of 5

While I'll never play the 18+ PC version, I can't help but wonder if Multi and other maid robots have you know... all the parts... for umm... various "functions".

All I could find of the PC version, you have idea how hard it is to find porn on the internet!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Chaos;Head Noah

I started Chaos;Head Noah a long time ago on the 360 and didn't get very far mostly because my 360 is in the closet of shame™. My media cabinet can only fit like 4 systems and that's with the WiiU and PS2 vertical. And god forbid, don't even CONSIDER leaving an unsightly game system out, visible to the naked eye!! Think about the decor!!! #MomSoAnnoying

Umm yeah, anyways while the 360 version is way cheaper, I took a payday loan to lease a new truck (a slick 99' Tacoma) and sold my old one to my brother-in-law in order to afford Chaos;Head Dual on the Vita. I guess it's not that expensive given that you get two games for the price of one. I'll be covering the second game in a separate post when I get to it one of these days.

Which do I like more? Yeah um, I think the non blood-covered one?

But enough about my personal finances, the important question is, "If you are God, and the delusion becomes reality. About what kind of the noids you get?" I mean personally I prefer the sensual noids but I guess some might go for the destructive sanctions. Or...

No thanks, not a big fan of Domino's pizza...

This is one of those rare titles that actually went up in age requirements from the PC 15+ version all the way to Cero Z. Then they must've censored all the disgusting gore and violence down to a Cero D for the PSP and PS3. Fortunately, they went back to the Cero Z full gore package for the Vita. Unfortunately, this version also comes with some serious issues with lag and pauses.

What did the PSP port look like then? 256 colors?

It's actually kinda pathetic that they couldn't make this port work smoothly on the Vita, which I guess is now no more powerful than a Pocketstation? After all, real portables didn't exist until the Nintendo Gods blessed us with their mighty Switch. Anyways (rolls eyes), while the character portrait and dialogue would lag, thankfully the sound doesn't skip a beat. Since I play these mostly like an audio book anyways, it didn't bother me too much but purists might want to go for the 360 OG version.

As for the story, I have to give it credit for at least keeping me interested until the end. As I mentioned, while some of the gore and violence is seriously disturbing, it doesn't actually show the gore in pictures. So you mostly visualize in your head based on the voice acting and text description. But even still, some real sick shit is going down. It's especially ironic because the main character is into games (MMO and eroge hack, not a REAL gamer) and constantly wonders whether he himself is in a game and why all this shit has to be happening to him. Seriously man, if I had the choice to be in a game, the last fucking one I would ever pick is Chaos;Head. Poor dude.

The irony of saying you're not interested in this 3d girl in a 2d game.

And of course, how can I not mention how the poor protagonist tries to google everything. Pretty much exactly what you or I would do in these internet days with so much information on valuable websites such as WE-KEY PEDOPHILIA. LOL

I think the image speaks for itself

I thought the part that you have to take a medical questionnaire was super cool if it had some effect on the game. Unfortunately, it only appeared to matter for unlocking two trophies and doesn't affect the story in any fashion. Lame.

I totally, never, ever masturbate... EVAR. No wonder this wasn't localized.

The game even has a Patched option that shows all the female characters in their underwear. My favorite was of the cutest character in the game, the nurse.

You won't get this with Obama care! #MAGA

SJWs need not worry though, it has fat women as well. Or would it be better if the game showed some dick bulges? I dunno how their agenda goes these days.

SJW friendly?

The routes were pretty easy to find after the first play through. I did have to consult the digital (ugh) manual to read about the delusion system. I also looked at a guide to unlock the last couple endings but it wasn't too onerous.

Score: 3.5 man, if I was in a game... 2d imouto harem time... out of 5 (44.5 hours to beat)

While the main premise of the game was pretty damn Chuunibyou, it was at least interesting leading up to it. The science portion of the story was total bunk though and unconvincing.

However, except for the Vita port issues, the game has good production value. The character design is nice and the voice acting convincing especially at making Takumi annoying as hell. The OST was definitely a level above the generic ADV stuff. I was especially impressed that every ending had a separate ED theme song.

LOL, gotta love the tsundere comments

So yeah overall, I thought it was a pretty good game. Not a great game but it at least kept me interested enough to plow through. Bonus Jhipster smugness point for no official English translation, even for the toned down smartphone version.

Why not just learn Japanese? LOL

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Hatsune Miku: Project Diva（初音ミク -Project DIVA-）

Hatsune Miku has obviously become much more than just a mascot character for Yamaha's Vocaloid voice synthesizer. While to an ignorant non-jhipster, Miku may be just yet another excuse to say Japan is weird in some lame news filler segment, it actually has made a huge impact on the indie music scene.

Combined with Niconico douga, Vocaloid has become a platform for producers (you know those funny usernames that end with "p") and singers to collaborate on songs without ever working directly together. The line between indie and pro has blurred as many composers and singers have worked their way into the commercial market, including for example, rhythm games like this one. Ryo and supercell are probably one of the most well known example of this kind of dynamic doujin/commercial music landscape and I sure hope you like Ryo, because like 5 of his songs are in this game. That and a whole bunch of OSTER project (LOL futanari).

When vocaloid producers go pro
So how is the first transition of Miku to the rhythm gaming genre? Honestly, pretty piss poor. While I have to give credit to Sega for figuring out how to license and commercialize doujin music, as a rhythm game, this is like the most basic of basic gameplay. Not only can you not use the arrow keys for anything, there are no long notes nor any type of key combination. It's just basically 4 buttons timed pretty much exactly to the lyrics.

I guess it may be a good introduction to the genre for newbs but otherwise, it's about the most simple rhythm game I've ever played. The production value on the visuals are pretty impressive though and if I were to see this in 2009, I probably would have been floored with the PSP (#BAE) graphics. However, in today's standards, it's you know, just standard PSP graphics and the frame rate gets a bit choppy when too much stuff is going on in the background.

Not exactly the best gameplay to put it mildly

As for the song list, I can't be too harsh on it given that there's a far smaller Miku library in 2009 compared to today but I guess if you like Ryo, then you can't go wrong with this game. Personally, I only liked a few jazzy tunes and Dear Cocoa Girls. The rest of the songs were honestly pretty meh.

Notice panchira is not blacked out in the good ol days unlike Miku VR (damn SJWs)
Technically, being able to change dynamic character models with modules was definitely new for a rhythm game. I did not unlock all the modules because the swimsuit ones are just pure grind but had fun unlocking the majority of them. The swimsuit ones are BS though because you have to play ALL songs and score Great or above for each character. I did it once for Miku and was pretty much done.

There's a couple other modes such as unlocking accessories for the Miku room but I didn't really see much point in it. You can also see an art gallery of all the Miku fan art used in loading screens and whatnot which I guess is cool for the fans. I mean, imagine if your fan art was picked up for a Miku game?

Note to self: don't quit day job to become home decorator

Score: 2... ok ok, +.5 moe bonus point cause Miku snow module is so damn cute (moeeeee) out of 5 (12 hours to beat)

I think the whole idea behind the game (by the fans etc.) is really cool given that a similar thing would be totally impossible in the US thanks to greedy record executives and their lawyer sharks. Yeah, the first game kinda sucks balls but it's still a good start to a long running series that gets much better later on. Miku is still as cute as ever too. Oh yeah, and there's NO AUTO SAVE!!! I lost my entire first session because I was too new school and didn't know I had to save my game manually.

Additional screenshots before they're confiscated by the SJW police in our future dystopia.

Gosh, cute ain't she?

No seriously, so cute!

So pure and innocent

Wait, why are the feds at my door?

No, you don't get it, it's MOE!

HAAAAAAAALP!!!!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Ryu ga Gotoku 3（龍が如く3）

As per the usual Jhipster post, let's first start with the name. While Yakuza 3 is probably the most boring and mundane name one could ever imagine, I guess it's better than a literal translation of the Japanese title: Ryu ga Gotoku. Calling a game "Like a Dragon" would make one expect some kind of cheesy 90s Kung Fu flick, catching flies with chopsticks, ninjas, and the works. (Though on second thought, that would kinda be a kick ass game.)

NOT read as "Doragon" unlike those English weebs at Square

I beat the first 2 Ryu ga Gotoku games ages ago on the PS2 and man, the leap to HD here is phenomenal and yes, while the character models may look a bit dated by today's standards, you have to give Sega credit for pulling off such a big graphical leap with no bugs or glitches of any kind and on the PS3 Cell shit to boot.

Pfft, Sega sucks guys, they can't even make a decent Sonic game.
(This is what Neogaf posters actually look like)

Yes, after playing Persona 5 in 2016, being able to walk around in Tokyo may not seem AS cool today but it was mind blowing at the time. I still remember thinking it was so awesome to be able to walk into a Don Quixote or a Matsuya just like in real life. Since I was living in Tokyo at the time, you may be wondering, why not just fucking walk outside? Well I can ask you riaju fuckers the same thing about Wii Sports and yet you guys still bought it like it was cocaine sprinkled on a box of Crispy Creme. Ok, where was I again?

Come to the real store to enter to win because vidya games can't make real food (YET)

While I'm obviously a big fan of the series, unfortunately, I found the gameplay a bit wanting in this entry. I don't remember combat being such a fucking pain in the ass in the previous games. The main problem with the battle system is that it's very, very tedious. Maybe it was because I played on hard difficulty, but it seemed like just about everybody can block your attacks with perfect precision, even the local punks on the street corner. Going face on, you will never and I repeat NEVER land a full combination on ANYBODY. One option is to wait until they attack, sway around and land a bunch of hits from behind but that's tedious as well unless it's an aggressive boss. I just did □→□→△→△  like a million times because while it does very little damage, at least it can break a guard.

This tutorial is BS, that kick never works

I equipped a stinky rag just because it said that it made people avoid you but it didn't seem to do shit to prevent all those annoying punks from running up and starting a fight with you. Another annoying part was always running out of heat and you need heat to do all the cool moves. Overall, either I'm suffering from rosy nostalgia glasses syndrome or the combat in 3 got a lot more annoying. Well, at least in this game, you get your own blog.

I used to think blogs were annoying.
Oh if I only knew how much dumberest the internet would get in 2016.

As for the story, while being able to walk around Okinawa was a nice change of pace, I got quickly tired of taking care of the damn kids and the bazillion side missions. And after the grand plot was revealed literally by explaining it while sitting around the table, I was debating whether to give this game a 2 or maybe squeeze out a 2.5 based purely on my love of Tokyo and the improved graphics. That was until a few chapters near the end.

Some side missions were cool like this one (censored ofc from English ver) but most were just filler 
Without going into any spoilers, I will just say that you have to play until chapter 11 to fully appreciate the story. While the overall plot is a bit far-fetched and whatever, that's not the important part. This is a MAN'S story. Stop being whipped by your woman and play this game. Bros before Hos and all that shit (just don't tell my GF I said that, please for the love of god!!!)

Score: 3 Aniki... you're so goddamn cool out of 5 (25 hours to beat)
Tip to game developers: pole dancing is automatic 0.5+ bonus points.

For those of us who are not blessed as Jhipsters, thankfully, they stopped dubbing these games and stuck with sensible subtitles. However, some parts of the game such as the Cabaret side mission were cut due to "cultural" differences. But pole dancing must be cool because that part was left in and I guess that kinda makes sense culturally? (I'm from New Jersey after all.) However, if you want the full experience with no censored content, you'll want to play the Japanese version. And surprisingly, coordinating your Hostess's clothing and makeup, buying accessories, and training her was actually kinda fun!

I hate to admit it but it's undeniable. Kiryu must be gay. He doesn't take his eyes off sexy Rikiya the entire show

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Never7 -the end of infinity-

I've heard great things about Ever 17 and been wanting to check it out for a while. Of course, as you can probably guess by now, I'm going in order by first playing Never7 -the end of infinity-. Originally called just infinity for the PS1, it seems to have been ported to every platform imaginable since it's original release in 2000. According to Wikipedia, extra scenarios were added at one point, the OST was re-arranged in one version, a new ED theme here, a new movie there... WHATEVER.

Normally, I would pick the PSP version any day but I got the PC download for free as a promotion when it went on sale online. Unfortunately, the PC version kinda sucks balls to put it mildly. While there is an option to skip text, there is no backlog, no rewind, no auto mode, and no record of which options you've chosen previously. Though bizarrely enough, there IS an option to have a separate font for the girl's dialogue text???

No Option umm... option and context menu doesn't really add much

The inadequacies of the specific version I played doesn't really matter I guess as long as you pick a better version. I'm sure the Android app (region-locked BARF) has all the features you would expect by now including fancy extras like an alarm clock.

All you have to do is get an alien registration card,
open a bank account, and buy a phone in Japan for these nice extras
(FU Google)

The worst part about this version is the inability to adjust the BGM volume down to better hear the dialgoue which is a shame because this game is fully voiced (doesn't include the protagonist). I dunno what it is but something about voice acting from before all the moe shit really appeals to me. Even though it came out in the year 2000, this game definitely reminds me of them old animes I grew up with in the 90s.

I played through Yuka's route before I finally gave up on the PC version. Going through the game over again without being able to fast forward to unread text was a deal breaker. I tried fast-forwarding to the next dialogue option and checking the back log but yeah, screw that. PSP HERE I COME!!!

Hey Yuka, don't be made at me, I'M not the one that picked your crazy swimsuit.

And thank god for the mighty PSP, because the PSP version has every ADV feature that you could want: auto mode, volume controls, it even lets you use the analog stick to see the whole image. I thought that worked much better to deal with the different aspect ratio than a static background image on either side or just chopping off the image like other PSP ports. Unfortunately, taking screenshots is a pain on the PSP so enjoy the rainbow dialogue screenshots from the PC version.

AHAHA an alcoholic! ...oh that's not very funny at all

Putting aside all this talk about ports, PC master race, blah blah blah, how was the game itself? Well, if you enjoy reading about college students enjoying exciting activities such as fishing, tennis, and barbecues, you're in luck. I obviously went to college in the wrong country if attending what they call a "zemi" (short for seminar) is basically a free island vacation complete with private cottage accommodations in the woods.

No seriously, the first 5-10 hours of the game is probably one of the most boring segments I've gone through in an adventure game. The pacing of the game is SO slow, it only drops tiny hints of something fishy going like once every few hours between long stretches of dialogue involving things like shopping for rice, making breakfast, and eating lunch. Zzzzzzzzzz

At least you get can a good fill of that ol' imouto goodness. Even though most of the characters are college age or older, Kurumi, a senior in high school decides to call you oniichan for no reason whatsoever. Even though she's supposed to be a senior in high school, the game still somehow manages to make her seem like 15 years old. #jailbait

YEEEAAAAAH, (fake) IMOUTO TAIMU!

I really liked that the branching paths were not too simplistic like Harvest Overlay and yet was not stupid random nonsense like '&'. I was able to play through all scenarios without a guide and even though I got stuck a bit in one part where hanging out with Izumi went into Kurumi's route and vice-versa, the rest was easy to figure out just with a bit of trial and error.


PS2? pffft! I play all my PS2 games on the game gear
Score: 2.5 goddamn I went to college in the wrong country! out of 5 (30 hours to beat)

Overall, the game had some interesting ideas besides the renai dating aspect. You can definitely see that this is Uchikoshi's early work. There are several theories in the game as to what's going on in the story and in true ADV style, any of those theories could be true depending on your route.

As for the renai portion, the characters were likable enough and while the illustrations were rough at times, it had its charm. The music was better than the usual ADV generic crap but not much more so. I really like the quality of the voice acting and while I was bored to death in the beginning, there were brief moments where I really wanted to find out what happened next.

I thought Never 7 was worth playing but I definitely wouldn't call this game spectacular. While there's extra "Append" scenarios at this point, I'm so sick of playing through the same 6 days over and over that I don't think I can touch it without a least few years break.

It was at least something to play while I'm sitting here waiting for my copy of Zero time dilemma (those goddamn "reviewers" with their early, free copies!!!). We'll see how Ever 17 shapes up. For you non-jhipsters, the game was at least interesting enough for someone to make a fan translation patch (if you can find it).

Some additional screenshots for um... investigative purposes.

Yup, still an alcoholic.

This girl is TOTALLY 18, right guys? *wink wink*

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely