Chaos;Head Love Chu Chu!（CHAOS;HEAD らぶChu☆Chu!）

I was curious about these harem spinoffs that appear to be almost obligatory at this point for the Science Adventure series, especially for a game as dark as Chaos;Head Noah. Even though this game follows the events of the first game, it was easily able to sidestep the issue of what happened in Shibuya with the whole delusion "science" (emphasis on the quotes) thing. Unfortunately, in the real world, being delusional doesn't affect reality (unless of course, you're a Trump supporter).

All this science is what I love about this series

Takumi has matured a bit after the events of the first game so he's ever slightly less annoying (but still pretty damn annoying). As you would expect from a harem fan-service love comedy, the story is far more light-hearted compared to the first game. To be honest, the gore in the Cero Z version of Noah was a little too much even for me. Fortunately, you don't have to worry about dead babies, etc. this time around. Also, this was before the Soyney Cali era so you could still get away with Cero C for a sliver of fabric without holy rays of damnation.

There is a button to hide the text but... are you really that desperate?

This game does get the obligatory +0.5 Jhipster smugness bonus point. I'm not sure why but they didn't even localize the original game much less this fan-service sequel. I suppose non-Jhipsters could try to do whatever non-Jhipsters do if you're that desperate to see a tiny bit of panti. I mean, I won't judge (you sicko).

But if I hide the text, how would you know what's being said here? 

As for the story, I suppose it was a decent follow up adventure to the events of the first game. This time, it's a standard galge ADV where you just have to choose the Mousou triggers that corresponds to each girl's route. In that sense, the story does get a bit boring as it follows the same main narrative just with a different girl. I got so tired of reading the same but slightly altered events and explanations from Erin. Oh yeah, speaking of Erin, she's the sole new character stuck in your computer. I liked Erin's concept and VA and had a few chuckles especially when you scroll up. However, I felt her lack of involvement in the events of the story was a missed opportunity.

2014 when you could still joke about being a lolicon

Speaking of dubious behaviors around fictional underage characters voiced by adults (I feel like I have to point this out), yes, there is an imouto route. There is no incest of course though for reasons I won't go into due to spoilers, the game does bring up some valid points as to why they might not be related. Genetically though, it's a pretty weak argument.

Remember kids, Cero C is ok if you're 15 or older!

As you can imagine for a consumer title, the whole thing is just a big tease. The fact that the routes all follow the same major plot does make the game feel a bit lazy and requires quite a bit of text skipping. Two routes were especially disappointing because they were practically identical. If you played the first game, you could probably guess why since it's Yua.

Yeah, they don't do jack. Not even censored non-sex.

Score: 3.5 What's wrong with imouto naked apron? She just wants to feel comfortable while cooking! out of 5 (24 hours to beat)

Overall, I would say the game is fine. It has some funny moments and it was entertaining enough. The quality of the game is pretty high like the rest of the series so it does get a slightly above-average score. Now, I just need to delete all these screenshots from my sister's computer since she's all complaining about hentai porn or something.

This was NOT the reaction I got when my sister found these pics

If this got localized, do you think they'll go with "mouth rape" for the translation?

I know you are but what am I?

The tips are very helpful, never knew what NTR meant. No, really!

No, don't talk about the law! It's called plausible deniability!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Ys: The Oath in Felghana（イース -フェルガナの誓い-）

I started Ys: Felghana no Chikai (that's "oath" for the non-jhipsters) pretty much right after I beat Ys 2 since it's a remake of Ys 3. In the good ol' days, people used to use numbers so customers would know what order shit came in. But now, we have games like Ghostbusters 2016 aka "AHAHA you bought this garbage??", Tomb Raider 2013 aka "we spent that whole year working on Lara's hair", and Prince of Persia 2008 aka "maybe it'll sell better if you can't fucking die joke edition" so yeah whatever, we're all fucked. Where was I? Oh yeah.

So Falcom is probably THE pioneer of series you can never figure out without consulting Wikipedia (fuck you Dragon Slayer 2 Legend of Heroes -4 Xanadu not Next). So after looking up what games are in what order, I decided to skip Ys Wanderers From Ys, and went straight to the remake.

For fuck's sake, jut put the goddamn 3 on the cover

I mentioned previously that I was traumatized on the series from the start with a rental of the SNES side-scrolling version of this game. Fortunately, Falcom went back and fixed it all up and made a completely different game which is probably why they changed the subtitle.

They scrapped the side scrolling thing and went with the 2.5 style of the later Ys games. The classic bumping mechanic is gone and you now have to jump and climb platforms and shit. When I first started this game after finishing Ys 2, it was weird having to swing your sword like some kind of barbarian. I imagine Adol was previously using some impressive Iai invisible sword attacks during the bumps previously so this brute swinging style seems like a few steps backwards for the swordsman in terms of technique.

This is Adol in Ys I+II... IMO.

Personally, I preferred the old style without all this fancy double jumping and attack button. Even though the platforming segments were pretty tame and not super annoying, I'm not a big fan of jumping on shit, falling, and having to start again. (Did I mention I'm not big into platformers?) What was REALLY annoying were those TINY flying monsters which were such a pain to attack especially before you get the green ring.

...well at least it's better than Mario...

In fact, this game is pretty annoying until you unlock at least the dash ability (aka oh thank god, I can move at a normal speed FINALLY). The options give you the ability to have dash on at all times or by double tapping a direction but seriously why?? Turn it on always. DUH!

Take my advice and turn dash on always. Screw that arrow key x2 BS.

Another tip is to not worry about having enough Ravel ore. I never upgraded my equipment until the end because I was a Ravel hoarder. Only to find out near the end that enemies in the last dungeon drop Ravel so there's no need to hoard. Another great tip for boss battles is the healing cloak. While it will never restore HP by itself during boss battles because you can't stand still long enough, it WILL restore HP when you boost after the curly bar totally fills up. I unfortunately didn't realize this until the last two bosses but it definitely came in handy for the tough final boss. My final tip is to check the castle entrance frequently as there's a missable escort event there.

You can press L to quickly switch to the cloak

The exploration gets easier as you unlock other abilities such as teleportation to save points and pretty much becomes a cakewalk when you get the healing cloak except for the bosses. Oh boy, the bosses. I played on Hard difficulty (cause hardcore gamer) and each boss battle was an exercise in trial and error by death. Nearly every boss battle was tense, frustrating, and while winning had that great feeling of satisfaction, it was mentally exhausting as well. Especially near the end, it seems like there's yet another boss around every corner.

I've been playing this game on and off for over a year now because I always felt a need for a break from yet another extremely tense boss battle. Since I'm hardcore but not masochist, I didn't play on Nightmare mode in the previous games and this game unlocks an even HARDER Inferno difficulty upon completion. You can get New Game+ bonuses but yeah... maybe next time.

Overall the boss battles are definitely the highlight making this game so fun but frustrating. That ice dragon thingy took at least 10 if not 20+ tries to beat. One personal highlight was Zirduros, The Clockwork Cannon. On about my fourth try, I've pretty much given up on winning after a dumb start and only one hit away from death. Then I got into some kind of crazy groove where I was able to dodge or ram through every one of his attacks with the yellow ring. HELL YEAH!!

The story was adequate to move the action along and voiced, which was nice. The music was, you know, the usual Ys stuff.

You're going to be hearing this a lot on Hard mode
Score: 3 oh you better believe some oaths will be said while you play and they will have nothing to do with Felghana out of 5 (19 hours on record to beat but probably more with resets)

I didn't enjoy this game quite as much as the first two. All that complicated jumping and swinging sword seemed to detract from the pure precision and skill required of the first two games (well except for that bullshit falling tile hope you're lucky final boss in the first game). However, while the exploration and grinding before boss battles were ho-hum, the boss battles were definitely sweaty hands good action, though a bit tiring.

Being a Ys game, it's localized in English and easily accessible on Steam (I played the #BAE PSP version of course). I don't know if the drama CD is localized however. It's pretty much a rehash of the same story anyways. Non-jhipsters aren't missing much. Those hoping for a hot spring scene with Elena will be sorely disappointed (um... not me!).

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Fate/EXTRA（フェイト/エクストラ）

If you're a long-time reader of this blog, first of all, you have excellent taste and second, you may have noticed just the slightest hint of fondness for Imageepoch. It's not like I planned things that way. I only noticed much later that many of the games I really dug and enjoyed just happened to share the same name.

You may be gone but your spirit lives on... I hope. Sigh...

I was super bummed when the company disappeared (whatever happened to the CEO btw?) but thankfully other companies are picking up the slack. Fate/EXTELLA was just announced and even though it sounds like an action Musou clone (MEH), I'm still hopeful for a good game. At least it's a good excuse to revisit the first game.

Hopeful Fate/EXTELLA will be OK at least story-wise despite this action bullshit

When I first played Fate/EXTRA, my only exposure to the Fate franchise was the Fate/stay night anime and I thought it was boring as hell. Shirou was one of the most whiniest, annoying characters only a bit better than Shinji from Evangelion (aka "the crying masturbator") and Saber was like that super annoying straight edge girl in college who probably should've gone to a dry campus. So you won't hear me raving and drooling over this game just because of the franchise. In fact, I actually came in a bit skeptical but I was quickly pulled in by the very unorthodox premise.

Wha-? You calling ME the NPC?? THE NERVE! Sure, my avatar is super generic but I HAVE FEELINGS!

What I really liked about this game is that you're not some super special hero destined to save the world AGAIN. Ok ok, you start off with amnesia (oh that's a new one) but I loved how everybody just treats you like NPC trash (aka mob-chara if you ask some fucking weaboos). Everyone assumes you're going to die in every battle and it was awesome to see their shocked faces every time you come out alive. They're all like, "WTF?? You're still here??"

Gameplay-wise, the boss battles are definitely the highlight. The regular battles are very simple, pretty much rock-paper-scissor. The environments and regular enemies are super low-budget, very generic and often recycled. You level up very quickly at each new dungeon but there's a huge drop off so you can't grind really. This makes the later boss battles fairly challenging. Between just plain luck, trying to anticipate the boss's moves as well as timing your own special attacks, and making good use of your items, the boss battles are what makes this game fun. Yes, you actually need to use ITEMS in this game!

The music is smooth as hell... just like yours truly
You can choose between 3 servants and so far I've only played through the game with Saber. But man, she's SOOOO much cooler than Fate/stay night. She's deliciously decadent and is totally the opposite of the annoying, straight-edge, frigid Saber character from the anime. I am replaying the game with Caster and there's a couple boss battles and options that you can choose differently in a second playthrough so there is some replayability. A 3rd playthrough is stretching it a bit though.

UPDATE: Since it's been a while and I forgot a lot of the story, I went ahead and beat this game a second time with Caster and it was just as much fun as I remember. I even beat the secret hidden boss that only unlocks on the second playthrough and boy was that fight TOUGH! If you want to win as Caster, you pretty much have to cast a spell almost every turn as the boss can and WILL kill you with one devastating move. However, the battle won't end early enough for your MP to last so that's something you have to figure out. Anyways, great game and I'm sure I'll play it for a final 3rd time a few years later again.

Caster, you're the only waifu for me! Really!
Score: 3.5 Ha, paper beats rock! Wait, why is there a sword in my chest?? GAAAAAH! out of 5 (80 hours to beat twice with Saber and Caster)


I think Fate/EXTRA could have really used some more budget. Despite being a very story heavy TYPE-MOON game, there are far too few voiced lines. I actually had to read or something. (WTF is this "read" shit??) The environments are extremely limited and while the regular battles are kinda relaxing in a way, paper-rock-scissor isn't something to get excited about.

However, I really enjoyed the story despite all the reading and the boss battles were fun as hell. The music was good and overall, I had a great time with the game. I'm going to enjoy replaying it now it's been a few years and a bit more fresh.

Fate/EXTRA is available in English but not dubbed. Even though non-Jhipsters have to read ALL the text, with the large volume of unvoiced dialogue, I guess this time I can sympathize... a bit. LOL, you poor non-Jhipsters.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA 2nd（初音ミク -Project DIVA- 2nd）

So as I write this blog post, I guess Dingo Inc. recently went belly up, which is really unfortunate because I really dug their lineup. Fortunately, none of the games they worked on were published by them so there should be no issues with availability of their catalog. Still, it's unfortunate to see another cool shop go down while stupid ass DeNA is chugging away with their diarrhea bullshit. Gamers these days...

I gotta keep this recurring theme going, ya know

Anyways, with a drink to our fallen comrade, let's dig into Project DIVA 2nd. To quickly sum up DIVA 2nd (and yes I'm going to keep using CAPS because that's the official title), it's basically what I feel like the first game should've been and pretty much renders the previous game completely unnecessary to own. I'm still keeping it though cause collectors...

Man, I bet his girlfriend is feeling soooo lucky...

First of all, they added an auto-save feature. Jesus, I can't believe they didn't have that in the first game. Not only that, DIVA 2nd also has ALL the modules from the first game and pretty much every song except for a few I really didn't care about anyway. On top of that, they enhanced the gameplay with the standard elements you expect in a Diva game, namely long button holds and the W double key press. In addition, the left directional pad is now interchangeable with the right keys allowing you to press all 8 keys alternately as you see fit. Pretty much the basics of all the newer Diva games. Finally, there's a harder difficulty mode EXTREME that the first game did not have.

Finally, a real rhythm game.

So not only do you get most of the songs from the first game but you get those songs with better gameplay and a new difficulty setting. On top of that, of course you have EVEN MORE modules and a smattering of songs completely new to 2nd. Also, for songs that feature 2 characters, you now have a way to choose the second character as well. You want to play a Rin and Len song with Haku and Luka? Go for it! They also added a few more key sounds instead of just the standard tambourine-ish sound. I always turn that key sound off cause I'm a music PURIST but a welcome improvement for some.

Wait, wasn't this song in the first game? Yes, but it's EXTREME now!
Finally, the other major change is the introduction of in-game currency to unlock modules and room accessories. No, don't worry, this game is still from the golden age of gaming so I'm not talking about some microtrans BULLSHIT. Basically, instead of those tedious module unlock requirements from the first game that made you play a song you weren't particularly fond of 5 times or EVERY SONG to unlock those silly swimsuits, you can play whatever song you like to acquire points to unlock modules. While I would've enjoyed the achievement style unlocking if the achievements weren't so boring, I appreciate the flexibility of this new model.

But don't fret! All that time I spend playing EVERY song FOUR TIMES to unlock 4 swimsuits was not in vain as you can import your original save and get all those modules unlocked in this game right from the start. Since the first game has a good number of modules and those swimsuits do cost a fair amount of points, you can save a heap of time this way. I mean if you ignore the heap of time I wasted just to see Luka and Meiko in a swimsuit. (Shuddap! It was totally worth it!)

Can you imagine, you can unlock all this GRATIS? Ahh, those were the days.
Of course, the meat of this game are the new songs and they don't disappoint. It's a matter of personal taste but I much preferred the song selection this time around as I felt it had catchier songs that sounded more "professional" (or "commercial" for the music indie hipsters). The visual were great as well with a lot of lively animation and heaps of that moe goodness (complete with naganegi stick).

This was probably one of the funnest (and funniest) songs to watch.
Really, if you're remotely into rhythm games, vocaloid music, and especially any of the newer DIVA games, you can't go wrong with this one. It took the technology of the first game and refined the mechanics into a solid winner of a rhythm game. You can skip the first one but this is definitely a keeper (or buy both if you're a hoarder... err I mean collector).

There's other features such as the PV editor which I don't touch because I suck at that kind of thing but you can see a preview of it in this nice trailer by Sega.


Score: 3.5 but really, they're just recycling all the songs from the first game! Shhhhh SHUDDAP!! out of 5

If you're coming into 2nd right after finishing the first Project DIVA game like me, you may feel a slight wave of disappointment every time you unlock a new song and it's a song you just finished playing. However, if you're coming into this game new, you'll be pleasantly surprised by a generous list of songs with great visuals and the large number of cute modules you can unlock BY PLAYING THE GAME. OMG, you greedy gamer, will you think of all the DLC money the poor publisher must have lost on this game???!!! Don't worry, you can still purchase additional songs as DLC, KACHING!

Pre-order limited edition EXCLUSIVE DLC that will only be valid the first week of release!!!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Tales of Phantasia X（テイルズオブファンタジア クロスエディション）

I've started just about every Tales game in the series but never got much further than the first few hours. I generally couldn't get into them because of the constant mashing of buttons that is required. I also made the mistake of playing on hard difficulty because as a gamer elite, I always play my games on hard. I eventually discovered that playing a tales game on hard just means more grind and even MORE button mashing. It's not like Metal Gear Solid where you can just get good at the boss fights and use something called um I dunno... skills?? It's a standard RPG where you need to equip the right equipment and be at an adequate level just with more mash. HULK MASH! ME MASH GOOD!

NO MASH? WHEN I MASH?????

Even though I'm obviously not a huge fan of the mashing battle system, I found it didn't detract too much from the game. You can set special moves for each direction + x button and your TP recovers slightly after every battle. This, combined with the Holy Symbol, was a nice touch that saved you from having to heal yourself every few battles unlike pretty much every standard (FF/DQ) RPG up until you know... Squeenix went all crazy n shit. As you gain more abilities, I found myself queing them up in boss fights for the other characters cause the AI kinda sucks. For example: nurse, nurse, INDIGNATION, nurse, Maxwell, INDIGNATION, nurse, EXASPERATION, FRUSTRATION, nurse, DEPRESSION QUEST. The later Playstation versions updated the battle system so spells don't pause the game and it can get kind of frantic, waiting for that nurse to kick in while you and Mint are getting your asses kicked.

INDIGESTION! (sorry had beans for lunch)

I played on the PSP, the best system of all time, OBVIOUSLY. Not only does this version have voice acting for the main story, an improved battle system, and a whole new party member, but it also comes completely FREE with the sequel: Narikiri Dungeon X. HOLY SHIT BATMAN! You just have to get the day one edition and hope the DLC code hasn't expired... LOL just kidding, this came out back in the good ol' days instead of the diarrhea shit we deal with today.

INDIVIDUALIZATION!!

OMG, there's so many versions of this game. This is PSP version I played #BAE

The skits, which are now a standard Tales feature, was a great idea. They add tons of additonal details into the characters in nice fully voiced short sequences that are nonintrusive. I just wish there was an icon or indicator that showed when a new skit was available so I didn't have to constantly press select to see if a new one popped up. And by the way, speaking of those skits, Chester is SUCH an asshole. Also, Arche #1 WAIFU no contest.

There are also tons of missable side quests that also trigger their own skits including a cute one where Mint teaches a girl piano. I referenced a guide from time to time in order to avoid missing the good ones.

Speaking of guides, while most of the dungeons are not that bad, there are few nasty puzzles especially in the Moria mines (ugh). For example, how the hell you supposed to know to leave Arche on a switch because she can fly up through a hole? JESUS! Besides some lame puzzles, and not one but THREE dungeons that require you to heal yourself every few seconds with environmental bullshit (not bathing in lava at least), the dungeons were pretty manageable and not too obnoxious.

Another interesting note to make about the gamplay is how terrible the items are managed. Rune Bottles are like your bread and butter. You can use them to save 50% on shop purchases, they identify unknown items, and you can turn shitty Apple and Orange Gumi into the good shit (AWWW YEAH). Yet, they are just another item in a huge list of shit. Yeah, you can sort but is having a category asking too much? Not to mention weird items that add options in your game settings or enable combo gameplay. Finally, you get titles for doing various whatever and as far as I can tell, they don't do JACK except for ONE title that lets you do a super move in a pinch by pressing □＋△＋○. Maybe they explain it all in the manual but my DLC code for it expired already.



You may want to skip to the end of the post if you are super spoiler sensitive.



As for the story, man, it starts off REAL heavy. GAWD DAMN! I first got interested in the plot a few hours into the game ironically when meeting the extra bonus character in the remake: Rondoline E. Effenberg. EFFENBERG LOOOOOOL

I guess she's in mobile gacha shit nowadays. EFFENBERG DAT SHIT!

Anyways, you meet her and she's like, oh, you don't know me yet? Hmm... the plot thickens. Unfortunately, as you later find out, the overall plot just makes no freaking sense and you can clearly tell Rondoline was kinda shoved in after the fact.

On the one hand, I'm kinda glad it wasn't a hollywood, "oh somehow we saved everybody kind of story" but still. Whoever wrote this story apparently never watched Back to the Future. That's all I'm saying on that matter.

I didn't think too much of the soundtrack but was later pleasantly surprised at the variety and some straight up gems in the OST.

Score: 3 well that story made no sense- OOH Arche #1 WAIFU!!! out of 5 (35 hours and apparently 1,146 encounters to beat)

While I'm biased against ARPGs in general, I still thought the mechanics of the game was fun to play. While the story was a mess, I just couldn't help but like the characters and their little skits. Sure, there's barely any character development but I'm a sucker for that nostalgic classic 90's anime voice acting. This was clearly apparent when I booted up the sequel  (on the same UMD remember, DEAL!!) and it had the standard moepocalypse VA. It's fine but it definitely lacks that 90's charm. If I wasn't playing the PSP #BAE full voice edition, I would give this game a meh 2.5. However, Arche and Suzu bring this game up to a solid average score of 3 even IF Suzu is pretty much useless in battle. She's 11 years old and yet not super annoying like moe child characters nowadays. And that's good enough for me.

If you're not a Jhipster, your best option is to probably go for the PSX fan translation since they shit canned the microtrans buttonless iOS crapfest. Or if you wanna go all official English retail, then pony up the moola for the inferior GBA version. Yeah, you're missing out on the best version but you should be used to that by now.

What? Just sayin'

Oh, and how can I forget to mention this cute little mini-game? That's like almost three games in one ISO- err, I mean UMD. DEAL!!!

3 for 1 deal just in time for black friday too!!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Ghost Trick（ゴーストトリック）

I'd like to brag that I bought Ghost Trick totally blind just based on my curiosity with the cover art but that makes me sound like some kind of hipster (NOT Jhipster) now that this game is like the most talked about "hidden gem" on the DS.

Jhipsters don't need no fancy cover of a ghost, just a guy sticking up his butt

Amazingly, despite being an old DS title (at least to these new kids), it's still dirt cheap... at least in America. Oh, you want a Jhipster Japanese copy? Be prepared to pay like $40 for a USED copy. JHIPSTER RANTS!!!

Just do yourself a favor and don't touch the iOS  "Oh it no workie no more? Enjoy the months waiting for a patch" version. In fact, just don't touch iOS at all, IMO. But whatever, that's neither here nor there. On to the game itself.

The first thing you'll notice right out of the gate is the amazing animation and graphics given the DS hardware. I won't pretend I've played every DS game out there (PSP fanboi and proud of it) but this must be one of the best looking games I've seen on the system.

Best part: you don't need overpriced, cheap, flashy marketing Apple hardware for this
The story is as good as you can expect from Takumi Shu. Funny, bright, and yet lots of crazy stuff going on all over the place. I thoroughly enjoyed the characters and the overall plot. Even though the game is definitely on the short side, it was just the right length given the plot and game mechanics.

The puzzle solving while innovative, does get a bit repetitive at times. It mostly consists of you trying to find shit you can tinker with even though almost everything seems tantalizingly out of reach. Of course, varieties to the core gameplay are introduced throughout the game. Though there's a lot of trial and error, the gameplay was still fun at the end of the day.


If you're too lazy to play yourself, you can watch Japanese girl play instead. Isn't that how the kids nowadays "play" games?
Score: 3.5 Shu stop with the fucking bajillion AA games already and make something original like um... Ghost Trick 2? out of 5. (14 hours to beat)

While the highlight of the game is the great story, given the great graphics and fun gameplay, it's a great package overall. You really can't go wrong with this "hidden" gem. Definitely a solid game and a must own for the DS. BUY BUY BUY NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!

Bonus 0.5 points for Missle, two of the best dogs in gaming

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Last Ranker（ラストランカー）

It's been a while since I last played Last Ranker but I still clearly remember how much fun I had with it. This is one of those games that has the classic Imageepoch signature (at least their later games). It has a very unique battle system, fairly simple but fun and addictive mechanics, mediocre story, and impressive PSP graphics.

This was the top result for an in-game screenshot Google search. Go figure.

Back when I first escaped the mainstream hypetrain for the Nintendo DS and got into the PSP like a REAL gamer, Last Ranker was one of the first games I completed because it was just so much darn fun. The basic premise is you go to a city full of fighters all ranked by strength and you start out WAY at the bottom of the heap at rank 95,000.

No, you're not going to fight 95,000 people. If you beat someone of a higher rank, you basically swap rank. I had so much fun climbing up the ranks by fighting various people around the city. I also loved how some NPCs talk to you like you're some common plebian dirt and gradually change their attitude as you climb the ranks, eventually treating you like some sort of celebrity god. Being popular with the ladies is a nice change too.

The order in which you can challenge people to raise your rank is pretty linear and I used a guide a couple times to find the right person to fight. It's not like you can grind hardcore and jump several thousands ranks in one fell swoop. However, there are optional people you may miss that you don't have to fight to progress in the game.

I loved the character models, especially the top 7 ranked fighters. Everybody looked totally badass and I couldn't wait to climb up to their level. There's also a few nice FMV cut-scenes which I'm guessing Capcom had a hand in given the monster hunter-ish style.

If this trailer doesn't make you want to play... I guess we can never be friends.

The real highlight of the game is the battle system. As usual with Imageepoch, all the various mechanics unlock gradually but when it does, it's a really fun system of semi-realtime action with special moves and a stamina meter. It's very similar to Black Rock Shooter but less action and more RPG. You can even switch between different fighting styles such as using a gun or shield but I dunno, the first style was good enough to beat the game and the other styles seemed a bit weak to me. Might be something worth considering in another play-through one day.

The graphics are great, the mechanics are fun, and the music is good. The only thing that was a tad disappointing was the ending but hey, just don't expect a Xenogears or something. There's not much in terms of environments, you have the city, some woods to fight monsters and level up, and a smattering of other areas. Still, Last Ranker is definitely one of the funnest games I've played so far on the PSP and I would recommend it any day to anybody (with taste).

Unfortunately, for non-Jhipsters, you're gonna have to wait for an English patch that will come out... who knows? Or you know, you can join the ranks of the elite Jhipster army... just saying.

Music... pretty DARN good.
Score 3.5 Imageepoch, why did you leave me? WHYYYYYYYYYY!!! out of 5 (34 hours to beat)

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Misshitsu no Sacrifice（密室のサクリファイス）

Hey you! Are you looking for some cheap low-budget digital boob thrills? Or perhaps you're looking for some fun and light-hearted puzzles you can knock out on a lazy Sunday? How about some cute anime girls that tease you in a traditional moe harem setting? If so, get the fuck outta here cause Misshitsu no Sacrifice has none of that weaboo shit. Now if you're here to bang your head repeatedly against a wall for hours as you try to solve some REAL puzzles for MEN, you've come to the right place.

Don't let the cover fool you, this game is fucking HARDCORE.
No, not that kind of hardcore, you goddamn perv.

Now, I'm no MIT grad but I have beaten my share of mainstream puzzle games with (almost) no cheating (yes zero escape is mainstream for the uber Jhipster). What's important is for the puzzles to be challenging but not TOO hard otherwise the frustrated player will be stuck forever... right?

NO, FUCK THAT BABY SHIT!

You don't want some Japanese developer to hand-hold you like you're some kind of fucking baby DO YOU? When you examine a piece of paper with some random gibberish, you don't want the game to give you some BABY HINTS. No, a REAL MAN'S game will say, "Oh, looks like a piece of paper with some random gibberish. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT SHIT!"

SPOILER: this is a screenshot with the answer. No, for REAL!

Believe me when I say this guys, this is THE hardest puzzle video game you will find anywhere. Go ahead and add a comment if you know of a harder game. Because my blog has such a huge readership, I'm sure the lack of comments will prove unquestionably that yes, this is THE HARDEST puzzle video game ever conceived.

Prepare to hear this OST for HOURS as you bang your head against a wall
I thought I was so clever and making good progress until I hit the latter second half of the game. That's when they pull out the REAL HARDCORE shit and I was pretty much done. I put in a good effort too, including spending hours, no really, literally HOURS trying to find the goddamn tea cozy.

The thing is, the story was actually getting kinda interesting as some of the plot points started to fall together so yes, I cheated just to get all the endings. While the plot got a little bit too out there at the end, it was at least good enough to make me want to cheat. One interesting aspect was they used this weird alphabet which looks kinda like Cyrillic?

Pretty sure that's not Russian? Sorry, but I'm only trilingual...

Given the not too shabby story (fully voiced too!), the large number of INSANE puzzles, multiple endings, and a so-so soundtrack, I have to say this game was not bad at all. Pretty good even?

Score: 3 WHAT THE FUCK IS A TEA COZY??? out of 5

If you think you're gonna play some weaboo, ecchi, harem shit, you're gonna be in for a rude awakening. However, if you're a masochist for hunting down objects hidden in the tiniest of pixels and solving number/logic puzzles that are out of this world, then you must have no friends... but as least you can enjoy this quirky, little title.

FYI: This is the EASY part
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Criminal Girls Invite Only（クリミナルガールズ INVITATION）

Well, I just platinumed Criminal Girls INVITATION so I guess it's a good a time as any to review this awful piece of trash. As usual, the Japanese show a total immunity to seeing ALL CAPS as anything but some cool blob of English text. Thank god us Westerners are too enlightened to ever use a language without first properly understanding it.

What is this weaboo garbage?

So where do I even begin? First, do I need to remind the world that video games are an art form and this kind of lowbrow junk undermines the very fabric of our racially diverse, gender agnostic, politically correct society??? We should not tolerate this kind of thing if we are to ascend to a higher level of society that is cognizant and understanding of all people and their differing viewpoints.

The main problem with this game is that it doesn't try to play on a popular social topic of the times with an overblown sense of self-importance such as the indie masterpiece of mind numbing boredom and teenybopper first world problems game: Gone Home. All it succeeds at is being an extremely fun game with an addictive and original gameplay mechanic.

And no, I'm not talking about the "motivation" mini-games (PUNISH in Japanese). Since I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO interest in this kind of stuff, it was nothing more than just very simple mini-games to me. A bit of strategizing does come into play in terms of which skills to spend your OP points on, for example ice skills in the fire dungeon but there's not much more than that.

The pink fog was NISA censorship. The Japanese version showed EVERYTHING including the MRI Scan preorder DLC

No, the real fun comes when you unlock all the battle mechanics which is actually pretty far into the game. On the surface, it seems dead simple as there are no weapons or armor and you can only pick from 4 suggestions. But the real trick comes in trying to coax the right moves, especially in the boss battles by swapping in the right characters at the right time

The battle system starts out extremely simple so the "pro" contract reviewer paid to play 5 hours to knock out a review isn't gonna think it's so great

For example, one strategy I used was a chain (Yuko+Sako) continuous heal skill so you can unleash a powerful attack that only gets suggested at full health combined with an Attack X boost. Another example is a character that has two complementary skills: one keeps you alive when an attack >50% health would kill you and the other is an attack that gets stronger the lower your HP. There's nothing more satisfying than pulling off a huge move of 10K+ damage with a tiny sliver of health and coming back from the brink of death. You can really tell the balancing was well-tested because the true final boss has an attack that hits you a bunch of times with tiny hits to block this move.

Yeah, you can grind your way to the end but it's much more satisfying to go up against a boss under-leveled. Now, there are various endings to unlock by repeatedly beating the last boss so I just grinded afterwards to make it easier for myself but the first time was pretty epic. In addition, there's tons more to do after the first ending to get the true and true true ending so don't miss it.

The OST was nothing too special but this song was good
The story is microcosmic and very down-to-earth. If you insist on saving the world AGAIN, then it may not be the kind for you. Personally, I find themes such as getting picked on at school far more relateable that hits closer to home. (Disclaimer: As swim team captain with raiju girlfriend in High school and not the type to play weaboo shit, I'm just imagining what it must be like to be picked on at school.)

Score: 4 yet another obligatory disclaimer of how I'm totally not interested in these types of games out of 5 (47 hours to get final ending)

I had a lot of fun with Criminal Girls. Imageepoch has a knack for making deceptively simple and yet addictive and satisfying games (Fate/Extra review pending). If I was a "professional" reviewer, I could talk this and that and whatever diarrhea crap but at the end of the day, I had enough fun with it that it is in my book a great game. In fact, I may even try out the original PSP version for kicks one day.

The OG PSP version didn't have Live 2D and featured rhythm games

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Corpse Party: Blood Covered（コープスパーティー ブラッドカバー リピーティッドフィアー）

Corpse Party was a series that was relatively unknown probably until some Youtuber yelled "brah" at it with a super annoying voice but it is a title that holds a special place in my heart as it broke me into a genre I had never really explored before: Horror games.

Corpse Party has a rich history dating back to its original 1996 release on the PC98 as a "doujin" title (what I consider to be REAL indie and not the fake commercial sellout machine they call "indie" nowadays with the bags and bags of kickstarter money). It won one of the top prizes in the second Ascii Entertainment Software Contest and was available as freeware (the site is no longer up unfortunately). Since then, it's been ported, redone, and enhanced on like a bajillion platforms up to the latest version on the 3DS to be released later this year.

The one thing that really makes this game stand out is the fantastic soundtrack. Even the original PC98 soundtrack which is almost 20 years old now still sounds great.

I played the commercial remake for the PSP called "Corpse Party Blood Covered Repeated Fear" (+2 points for subtlety) and I have to say the VitaTV was the best way to experience this game. Having it on the big screen in the dark with wireless headphones was way scarier than playing it on a tiny portable screen. The audio for this game was recorded using a fancy microphone in the shape of a human head and there's some great spatial effects in the voice acting in various parts of the game. Combined with the awesome soundtrack makes playing this game with headphones a MUST.

The cast is even cute in real life! No wonder it sounds so good!

So what makes this game so great? The story is not mind-blowing and the characters are kinda stereotypical with yet another harem type cast. However, there was something about the suspense and tension as you explored the school in a top-down RPG style. Of course it's not an RPG because there is no combat and the most complicated thing you'll be doing is picking up items and using it elsewhere.

"Let's go Naomi!" Umm... here's a better idea Seiko, let's just stay the fuck here.

It might be more accurate to call this game a visual novel rather than an RPG but still, the exploration adds a LOT more suspense to the game. A part of the game that will be sorely missed in the later Corpse Party games on the PSP.

Basically the exploration, the constant tension, and all the horrible things that happen was for some reason just a heck of a lot of fun (not to mention some restless nights and crazy nightmares). In addition, there are a ton of endings to explore based on your actions in the game. In fact, getting the "true"(?) ending may be pretty difficult because of all the things you have to do just right in the last chapter.

My only MAJOR gripe is that they didn't add an option to skip text because that really killed the replayability of the game. This was the major reason that I didn't go back to unlock all the endings, just enough to unlock the extra chapters using a guide. The extra chapters themselves were a bit of a disappointment too as they were extremely short and only the first one had any sort of gameplay. Still I'm not gonna complain about bonus content that wasn't there in previous games in the first place.

Score: 4 soiled pants of 5 (～14 hours played)

What a great experience: awesome music, great voice acting, nice art, and tons of scary, fucked up shit. (Spoiler Alert: Some not so nice things are going to happen in a game called "Corpse Party") If you're not a fan of the horror genre, you may get hooked with this one like I did. I liked it so much I may even get the upcoming 3DS version for the extra story (for a cheap price, at least).

+10 AND -10 points for the most awkward and disturbing panchira fan service(???) in the history of gaming. By the way, Seiko is BEST girl, it's just too bad she's *spoiler* AND *spoiler*.

Just one of many, many AWESOME tracks.

The English version is available digital only on PSN but I highly recommend you get the digital version anyway to play it on the VitaTV. Get ready to poop in your pants and enjoy the gory night.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely