In search of GOTY for 1989

While us Americans in 1989 were enjoying the last good Indiana Jones movie (you know, before the aliens anal probed the series), in Japan, the next generation of gaming was heating up with PC Engine picking up momentum and the MEGA DRIVE's first full year on the market. Nintendo however continues to dominate with the Famicom in the middle of its lifecycle while the Disk System started to wind down with only 20 releases. No worries, Nintendo had a new entry up their sleeve: portable gaming.

GAME BOY

If you're old like me, you might have at one point played one of those shitty Tiger Electronics sad excuse of pretending to be a game. Ignoring unplayable shit like that, it's safe to say the GAME BOY was the first portable gaming handheld that had a rich and actually fun library.

Yay, you can still buy this shit (why though?)

Despite never owning a NES nor a Genesis as a kid (no matter how much I begged and cajoled), I did have access to the GAME BOY thanks to my older sibling's arubaito money. She got it for herself but I um... "borrowed it" and played it for way longer than she probably ever did. Ah, the nostalgia of playing Tetris with my buddy head-to-head almost literally with that short ass link cable. I watched the space launch and the other ending so many times, seeing it again immediately brings back those nostalgia tears. I never did figure out what the fuck launching into space had to do with lining up blocks but kids don't sweat the details.

Plot twist: we were distributed compute units for Russia's space program

I think many of us older folks have fond memories of staring at that green screen for hours on end with no backlight and by some amazing coincidence, we're all also probably near-sighted. Super Mario Land was a solid and fun launch title, which I got good enough to beat in an afternoon whenever I was bored. And there were even a couple RPGs in the first year, one of which was Selection: Erabareshi Mono which has the word "select" in two languages for some reason? I did play the English version The Sword of Hope as a kid and vaguely remember wasting hours trying to figure out how to get to the next area. It was a weird RPG/Adventure game hybrid that brings back nostalgia tears that are a bit too salty to consider for GOTY.

Random encounters and puzzles were perhaps not the best combination

I have to say looking back at things in context, the Game Boy was an amazing piece of technology for its time. Yeah sure, everything is various tones of green but putting the lack of color aside, the sound chip is amazing. Check out some of these rocking tunes!

Makai Toushi Sa·Ga（魔界塔士Sa・Ga）

Release Date: December 12

I played the WonderSwan Color version of the first Saga game. As far as I can tell, it's pretty much the same except of course, with you know, color. Localizers fucked up as they often do by calling it The Final Fantasy Legend. No, it has absolutely nothing to do with Final Fantasy. 

It's a pretty simplistic RPG but what can you expect given that it's the first RPG on a portable console (that I know of). It's a cool game and pretty fun especially considering that it came out in the first year of the GAME BOY. The setting is definitely not your normal fantasy RPG, as you can clearly tell from the rocket launcher and chainsaw on the cover. We definitely need more RPGs with modern weapons other than Metal Max.

While I haven't played many GAME BOY games, it's generally because they are too simplistic for my tastes. Being one of 2 RPGs released in the first year, this is definitely my GOTY for the system as it was actually pretty fun even today.

Verdict: GOTY for portable gaming

PC Engine

The PC Engine really started hitting its stride this year, offering what in my mind is undoubtedly the most technically advanced titles. Even super expensive PCs didn't offer CD quality music yet. There are a ton of titles I still need to play through so I'm sure I will be updating this section over the years.

Valis II（ヴァリスII）

Release Date: June 23

Overall, I liked Valis II though parts of it definitely got really frustrating near the end. While I wouldn't say that it's one of the best action games, once again the PCE CD technology shines here so I would say this takes GOTY for Soundtrack until I find something better.

Verdict: GOTY for Soundtrack

Ys I & II（イースI・II）

Release Date: December 21

The first two Ys game on PC were so choppy, I wouldn't really consider them playable. For me, the PCE port is the first platform where it was genuinely fun to play. While I had a blast with the PSP version, it would have been amazing to play this version all the way back in 1989. It's all about the bump for reals. Once you go bump, you never want to go back!

Verdict: GOTY for Action

PC

While I haven't yet had the time to really dive into the Japanese PC88/98 games, Sierra was still pumping out great titles such as Space Quest III: The Pirates of Pestulon and who can forget Hero's Quest: So You Want to Be a Hero.

The latter was especially highly regarded for mixing RPG elements into Sierra's classic ADV games and not in a shitty way like The Sword of Hope. I played the heck out of the later VGA remake as a kid and really enjoyed how your character class directly affected how you played the game. However, enough talk about Sierra, there's a new game in town.

SimCity 

SimCity from Maxis was definitely a highlight for yet more childhood nostalgia. To be clear, I was not part of a rich family with a Mac or Amiga so all of my time playing SimCity was the SNES version that came out a couple years later. And to be fair, SimCity 2000 is so much more superior and the Maxis game I spent the most time on.

Wow, this city looks like shit. Greg Abbott, are you playing games again?!

However, SimCity deserves GOTY due to pretty much bringing about an entirely new genre of games. Sure, you can dig up earlier sim games that probably have some aspect of city building but not one that included zoning, connecting power lines, managing traffic, etc., etc. As for me, playing this on the SNES was the gateway to hours of fun from SimAnt and of course, the freaking amazing SimCity 2000. Reticulate some splines, y'all!!!

Verdict: GOTY Overall

Other Games I tried

MOTHER

Release Date: June 23

MOTHER is finally available in English so the Jhipster smugness factor is gone but honestly, I did not enjoy this game at all. It feels limited on the Famicom especially compared to newer systems that were available at this time. GOTY for the category: "Thank god for save states!" Meh.

Verdict: GOTY for being overrated

Dragon Knight（ドラゴンナイト）

Release Date: November 1

Dragon Knight is definitely not a great game, much less GOTY. It's a very simplistic DRPG with a single party member and hardly any depth to the gameplay at all.

Butt (sic) if you think about the graphics, you'd be hard pressed to find anything that would tickle your fancy like this on say the Famicom. I'm a sucker for the retro style and comparing it to other games that came out in 1989, I'm afraid it really is one of the best looking games this year.

Verdict: GOTY for visuals "assets"

Games I plan to try later

FC

がんばれゴエモン2

西村京太郎ミステリー ブルートレイン殺人事件

里見八犬伝

山村美紗サスペンス 京都花の密室殺人事件

マルサの女

スクウェアのトム・ソーヤ

暗黒神話 ヤマトタケル伝説

ヘラクレスの栄光II タイタンの滅亡

ハイドライドIII

スイートホーム

Megadrive

ファンタシースターII 還らざる時の終わりに

ヴァーミリオン

PCE

コブラ 黒竜王の伝説

魔界八犬伝 SHADA

エナジー

凄ノ王伝説

神武伝承

天外魔境 ZIRIA

ニンジャウォーリアーズ

ガンヘッド

めぞん一刻

ワンダーボーイIII モンスター・レアー

鏡の国のレジェンド

ダブルダンジョン

ニュートピア

弁慶外伝

PC88

Emerald Dragon

魔晶伝紀ラ・ヴァルー

GOTY for 1984

I figured 1984 was a good year to start for coming up with Game of the Year since it's the first full year after the Famicon's release (July, 1983). Despite never owning a Famicon or NES, surprisingly I've played quite of few of games including Pacman (let's pretend Atari version doesn't exist) and of course, Duck Hunt. The most surprising part is I had friends at the time with a NES. As for Sega's SG-1000, well, I'm going to be mostly ignoring it as I'm not really into arcade ports.

I've even played games such as Nuts & Milk, which instantly brought back nostalgia tears with that darn music you can never, ever forget. Given that I DEFINITELY didn't own a Famicon as a kid for a Japanese exclusive title, I most likely played it on some unlicensed, shady Korean console with 100 games on one cartridge. (This game technically first came out in 1983 for the MSX, Sharp X1, etc. but I played the FC version which is significantly different.)

Umm, yeah I owned this game... TECHNICALLY

Tetris

Release date: Sometime in 1984

Now if I were to stick with the Jhipster theme, I would probably pick some silly Japanese arcade port like Pacman for GOTY but I must remind you, a REAL Jhipster appreciates ALL games and is only particular about playing Japanese games in their pure, unaltered form. In terms of pure fun, I would have to pick Tetris as GOTY for 1984. Even though I have not played the original version, the core gameplay remains unchanged from the original 1984 release as far as I can tell.

Yup, looks like Tetris but way more Russian
The highlight for me was playing against my friend on 2 player Tetris via that janky ass cable for the original gameboy. It even has the same dull green color scheme of the original so can't get more authentic than that. Right?

Verdict: GOTY runner up

King's Quest

Release Date: May 10

While I have tons of great memories of Tetris and it has a long line of puzzle games that expand and extend the original concept, King's Quest, or rather Sierra On-Line has far more personal significance for me. If you compare the games that came out around 1984, you can truly appreciate how revolutionary and ahead of its time the graphics were in King's Quest.

Believe me, for its time, this is fucking amazing.

I originally left this game out because I was a bit confused on the release date but this nice video explains that while it was shown in 1983, the official public release was indeed in 1984. So if you consider what games look liked especially as early as 1983, you can see why King's Quest is easily GOTY in terms of its sheer technical marvel and hey, it's not a bad game either to boot.

Whoa, an informative youtube video??? WTF is this shit?
While I did not play King's Quest around the time of its original release, to me, this marks a whole series of franchises and the golden years of a company that pretty much made up most of my childhood. Yes, I might not be retro hipster enough for the first King's Quest but I was there on my friend's Tandy (I was poor, remember?) with EGA graphics for Police Quest. I was also a fanboi of Space Quest and have fond (painful) memories of trying to get the mouse to work using HIGHMEM and various, ancient incantations from my AUTOEXEC.BAT and CONFIG.SYS spellbooks for the VGA version of Hero's Quest.

I did try out a later version of King's Quest on Steam. Sure, the story is a bit primitive and some of the puzzles are the usual type of stuff from those days that are pretty much impossible to figure out without calling the Sierra hint hotline aka "1-900-OHMYGOD-TIMMY-WHAT-DID-YOU-DO-TO-THE-PHONE-BILL!!!!" However, even today, it was still fun to walk around in a full graphical map and explore and... stuff.

Verdict: GOTY Overall

Other games I tried

The Black Onyx（ザ・ブラックオニキス）

Release Date: January

I'm triggered by the objectified male bulge

CRPG addict has the historical background on this first-person DRPG and there's plenty of other info as being one of the earliest RPGs released in Japan (though it was made by a guy called Henk Rogers). These really early DRPGs are frankly hard for me to wade through. I did try playing a bit of the moe-fied GBC version that's more my style but yeah, I've got a million other games I'd rather play right now.

Zarth （ザース）

Release Date: August

If only the rest of the game looked like this... (spoiler: it doesn't)

Somewhat notorious as a bait and switch, Famitsu featured the screenshot above, which of course everybody assumed was the heroine or at least more than a passing minor character. Entering text via Kana input on a PC88 emulator proved too much for me so I watched a let's play on youtube. Can I join the cool kids crowd now?

Showing all the best parts of a game?! Trailers NEVER do that!

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Release Date: September

A text adventure game that I remember giving up on in about 5 minutes back in the day. I am a Douglas Adam's fan so I tried playing again via flash but this game is brutal. PASS

> fuck this game
I type this command in just about every text adventure game I've played

Dragon Slayer（ドラゴンスレイヤー）

Release Date: September 10

Yikes, I did not play this version but not GOTY

Nihon Falcom's 2nd ARPG. I played the Saturn version for 20 minutes, plenty of time to get a feel for the mechanics. It's a great game for masochists I guess. Ugh, not even as good as Ultima I.

The Death Trap（ザ・デストラップ）

Release Date: October

Square, where is the sports bra patch per the ethics dept?

Notable for being Sakaguchi's first game from Square and the first ADV I've played so far with multiple endings.

Wingman（ウィングマン）

Release Date: November

Unlike Zarth, the rest of the game DOES look like this

Notably unlike Zarth, this game features a whole slew of great art and is the most visually impressive game so far for the year. Once again, the Kana input kind of makes this game impossible to beat without a guide. According to a random Japanese blogger, the guy that produced that one image for Zarth helped out.

Verdict: GOTY in visual and graphics

Hydlide（ハイドライド）

Release Date: December 13

If I was born like 10 years earlier and rich, I might've have enjoyed this

Yeah, yeah, this game gets the usual unfair flack from non-Jhipsters (AVGN, etc) due to  late localization but in the proper context, what's a better ARPG from 1984 or earlier? Certainly not Dragon Slayer at least. I can't stand scroll-hell PC-88 action games so I tried the Famicom version (1986) and it's playable at least with save states. The amount of EXP seemed really low and level progression tedious so I probably won't play through it but let's give credit where it's due.

Hokkaidou Rensa Satsujin Okhotsk ni Kiyu（北海道連鎖殺人 オホーツクに消ゆ）

Release Date: December 21

Unfortunately, the PC-98 version doesn't keep that clothing with improved fidelity

What a way to close out the year. Of course, this was when Yuji Horii was fine with showing his true pervy self. I played the PC-98 version but the story stuck with me after I navigated the pain in the ass maze at the end.

Verdict: GOTY for story and narrative

Omoide ni Kawaru Kimi: Memories Off（想い出にかわる君 〜Memories Off〜）

You know, I'm just going to start out by saying that the Memories Off series has really started to grow on me. I know it's probably just a simple psychological reaction. When you spend about 100 hours through 3 lengthy games in the same setting, things kind of start to feel endearing and even nostalgic similar to the Trails series.

Spending 100 hours over 3 games (not for "pro" reviewers)

Speaking of Falcom, here we are on the 3rd game and I'm almost starting to feel like Shin is some galge equivalent of Adol. In the first game, he was your buddy in high school. In the second game, you happen to meet Shin after he dropped out of school and moved into the same building. He even got you that part time job over the summer at the family restaurant he was working at to save money to travel to India. This time, you play as a college student and Shin is a buddy that happens to be living nearby after he returned from India.

The guardian angel of galge guiding you to snatch some... um hush money? #MAGA

In the first game, you grew up with 2 girls as childhood friends and some stuff happened involving rain and whatnot. In the second game, you started out already with a girlfriend. This time, you start the game after your girlfriend left you 3 years ago without saying a word. She of course shows up out of the blue near the beginning of the game. Why did she leave? Are you going to somehow get back together or pick one of the other delectable girls you happen to meet? Are you going to be a two-timing asshole like the last game? You'll have to play to find out for yourself!

Oh geez Kanata, now my bed smells like another girl! Febreeze time! (not even joking here)

This game definitely feels a bit different in the beginning maybe because you no longer have a convenient school setting to meet with JKs everyday (damn riaju!) though rest assured, there are still some JKs ripe for the picking. Let's not get into the legal ramifications of being a college student dating JKs, these were simpler times. Or given that this is a clean game, maybe all you did was hold hands and smooch though I find that hard to believe.

16? Well, I guess it depends on which state you live in...

Kidding aside, this 3rd iteration of the series definitely seems more adult even though you're a privileged loser (#onepercent) whose parents apparently have enough money to afford your college tuition, living expenses, and your own private accommodations without you having to earn a dime. No awkward hand made sign to keep roommates out for shagging necessary. But I'm not talking about that kind of adult. What I mean is that the girls are literally adults and have grown-up people problems (eg finance) except for the Kashima sisters and Tama aka the "where the fuck are your parents?" JKs. In the end, this is indeed a Memories off game in all the ways that matter. Every girl has their own life issues and there are tons of great drama to be enjoyed.

But Neo, what about your little sister? You know, the one in a wheelchair???

You'll also have plenty of nostalgia time to see what some of the girls from the previous games have been up to. For example, Yue is still such a sweetheart, you can't help but fall in love with her again. I mean as the player, no you're not going to try to steal the first MC's girlfriend. That's a line that the game doesn't cross.

C'mon Yue, ditch that loser from the first game!

Some of the characters are a bit too quirky for me such as Hibiki who seems to have about a first grade education or Tama who seems borderline mentally impaired, her communication skills are so bad. I'm saying that even as a die-hard fan Nagato Yuki fan. Some of girls routes are not as thoroughly fleshed out either. For example, I would have liked to have seen more dere from Isako-chan. Still, for me, this was my favorite Memories Off game so far and I found the true route really took things in a direction I didn't expect. Without getting into details, let's just say this game definitely has some of that rain theme going on. I also liked how this was less of just a straight up galge with a male cast larger than just Shin and one other guy.

Wow, we look so cool! I hope the girls are noticing!

This is another one of those games like most post 90s Japanese visual novels that starts off really slow and frankly kinda boring. However, I would say with the true ending and plot points from other routes that tie neatly together, it's definitely worth the initial slog. Fully recommended renai drama goodness especially if you've played the first two games.

Ahh, the good ol' days!

Score 4 no wait 3, but I can't seem to break up with 4, but 3 is such a sweet number, please 4 take me back after all! Ok, let's average it out to 3.5 #polygamy? out of 5 (36 hours to complete)

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1（超次次元ゲイム ネプテューヌRe;Birth1）

This year is off to a good start as I finally finished the first Neptunia game or rather the remake on the Vita. The original game was actually one of the first games I bought for the PS3 as my first foray into the brave new world of region free gaming. I was so naive back then it was almost comical. I assumed that because the Blu-ray format allowed adequate space for dual audio that they would be selling the same game worldwide. While that was true for some large publishers such as Sony and Sega, little did I know that most everybody else would still essentially region lock games by removing all Japanese text and thereby requiring you to import it anyway.

As usual, fuck NIS America

I remember returning the game to GameStop baffled. After all, why would you want to play in a language that you don't understand? As I had no knowledge of weebs at the time, it made no sense to read English dialogue while listening to Japanese audio. Watching YT, now I know most skip through without actually listening to the Moonspeak. It still doesn't make sense to me but oh well, I guess better to import rather than pay sales tax that'll go toward building a stupid wall anyways. #MAGA What was I talking about again?

Sugoi! I think I heard kawaii in the dialogue!

Oh yeah so anyways, while I thought the original PS3 title was cool at the time with the weird breathing chests, I dropped it when I had to wait for the Lowee continent to connect in order to cross over. Many years later and I finally beat Re;Birth 1, which is totally different from the first game save for the basic premise and plot.

I'm sure I don't need to go over the whole personification of the game industry shtick like every other review out there. I do want to point out that Neptunia is actually called Neptune in Japanese even going as far as using an uncommon katakana combination （テュ） to get the correct phonetic sound (instead of the standard "chu" sound). I have no idea why they changed the name. After all, the Sega Saturn was not called stupid Saturnia. Of course, we're not new to the idea that localizers do stupid things so let's just move on.

Not my problem since I'm fluent in Japanese. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

First, let's talk about the most uninteresting part of the game which is the story and dialogue. Yeah, it's fun for the first few hours to talk about console wars and how the goddess powers are derived from shares but I dunno, I found both Neptune and especially Compa's voices annoying. Sure, you got the queen of tsundere Mingos for Noire and I loved how MAGES. calls her assistant (Christina's VA from Steins;Gate) but a significant portion of the dialogue was a snorefest.

LOL 助手 (sorry non-jhipsters)

Coming from a guy that liked listening to hours of Yuri dialogue about tea and snacks, I have to say you can only talk about purin so much in one game. Besides the filler dialogue and silly gags, I found the main plot was pretty boring as well. Other than fun game industry references, I didn't get much from the story except the message that piracy is bad mkay?

I mean I love purin as much as the next gal but I don't pontificate about it

Fortunately, the game play is much more interesting in that it's just broken. IGNorant once again proves that their "pro" reviewers don't actually play the games they review as one of the few positive points was that this game didn't require grinding. SERIOUSLY?! NO GRINDING?? Did you even bother to finish Chapter 2? Noire is the first example of how broken the progression system is as she will DESTROY you right after another boss battle to add insult to injury. You really do need those life rings as they raise your HP to a ridiculous amount.

It's ok to admit you didn't play. Oh wait you get paid for this? ...oh

The interesting part about this game is that you can pick up specs along the way to tweak the gameplay. It's almost like you're changing the game as you go, adding new dungeons, stronger enemies, etc., which definitely does fit into the whole meta theme. There is technically a limit to how much you can change based on how much "memory" you have but I never got close to running out.

Luckily, IGN probably never got this far. They don't like panties.

As you progress, you can use specs to just lower or increase the difficultly but what's the fun in that? Mostly, I grinded a bit after unlocking new enemies anytime a boss was overpowered (which happens quite a bit). If you don't use those specs, you're going to be grinding for a LOOOONG time. To give you an idea of how ridiculous the balance is, a regular enemy near the end might net you a few thousands exp points while the strongest unlocked enemy I killed netted almost 800,000 exp points. The different in grinding might number in thousands of encounters.

Oooh look at all that booty... er EXP that is!

I also changed my play style once I got 6 characters and discovered that your linked party member's HP recovers over time. Because Compa dies so easily later on in the game, I just swapped members in and out instead of bothering to heal them. Burning a couple discs that prevent status ailments was also really helpful.

The boss battles in the first half of the game also tends to drag out as you have to whittle down their guard before you can really start to do damage. Fortunately, things got a lot better after I used the spec to increase EXE meter charge speed. You hardly ever get to see those flashy EXE attacks until you use that spec. Then you'll be using them all the time (thankfully skippable). A couple of EXE special attacks and you'll break down boss guards in no time!

Tekken-chan hard at work

I thought it was especially hilarious that one of Broccoli's EXE combo skill was Acquarian Age. Yeah I wasn't able to finish that game but I don't think even many Japanese gamers would get that reference. You'll likely crack a few grins from all the game references such as the obvious Metal Gear guy in a box, the DQ rainbow bridges, and Steins;Gate fake phone calls, especially if you're a pro expert gamer like me.

Aaaah Acquarian Age Broccoli reference. Somebody there knows their shit!

Score 3 hey isn't that character from that game voiced by the VA from that franchise that merged with that one developer that went bankrupt that my sister's cousin's husband used to work at? Cool reference! out of 5

This game was a pretty fun time but not SUPER compelling. The dungeons are small and easy to get around. I also like super quirky game mechanics that are playful (RIP Imageepoch) but the main plot didn't get me hooked. There are some good moments and fun characters such as Broccoli (she's adorable nyu) but it's hampered by Compa's super fake and annoying voice. The music was also unremarkable. Overall, it's an solid average enjoyable experience.

At least Broccoli was adorable nyu

The end credits was pretty boss. We gamers are suckers for retro pixel style.

Oh those crazy panty days before the holy ray Cali Sony purge... #Nostalgia

Remember the good ol' days when people wrote blogs instead of sharing fake FB news?

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

ToHeart（トゥハート ）

I know almost nothing about the Leaf brand of games because it's smut which I abhor but from what I can gather, they started out with a Mahjong trash smut game on the PC-88 and followed it up with a trash garbage smut RPG after which, they released three heathen trash garbage barf filth visual novels called the Leaf Visual Novel Series.

RPG with memorable cast such as DURK BOLT, who also moonlights as pool cleaner and pizza delivery boy

Of course, I have no idea what most of these games are about and I wasn't able to find any screenshots probably because they were ignored by the wholesome internet community due to the filthy contents. As we all know, the internet HATES porn.

Girls from the Shizuku remake; I have no idea how this image got here.

All three games in the series were later remade with better graphics, full voice, and some with new characters, more endings etc. but unfortunately the first two games Shizuku and Kizuato are PC fap machine only. I avoided looking up anything about them in the fear that I might get inadvertently contaminated. Fortunately, ToHeart, the third entry was cleaned up for the holy rays "Oh Lord, please save us from sins of the flesh" Purestation.

I'm sure God will approve (or your diety of choice)

I'm afraid to say I had actually owned 3 copies of this game at one time until I purged my PS1 copy. Now, I only have the PS2 mega box and PSP limited edition exclusive UMD disc. Whew! Glad for the extra space!

No I don't have Trump tiny hands, this is actually the size of two PS2 games

While I know nothing about the first two games, Sizuku was kinda stupid with the whole denpa sex waves thing and at the same time extremely violent. Kizuato was also very dark and violent but it had a story line that seemed simple at first but actually had many hidden layers. In this game, I guess they were trying to go with something more cheerful and light-hearted or whatever but really it's just about the most vanilla, generic galge you can imagine. Like if DDLC was actually the game it pretends to be in the beginning but add a bunch more girls and you essentially have ToHeart. I could give it some slack if it was the first of its kind for innovation or whatever but no, it came out in 1997.

As dumb as Shizuku was, the music was not bad at all

I don't know if they were trying to ride the simulation Tokimeki/Sotsugyou bandwagon but going through each day of the calendar made the first run slightly more boring than watching grass grow. I'm actually impressed at how many ways they were able to describe getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, getting ready to go to school, etc. The all-ages remake is a lot better than the original 18+ version as it has auto mode but it's still mostly the same game except for a bunch of mini games inside the game. The shooting mini game is actually pretty good but I just wish you could skip it when you replay for all the numerous girls' endings.

Not bad for a game in a game

Once you reach one ending, you can skip all the daily routines (Thank the Lord!) and just go through picking the same girl at one of the 4 locations. The funniest route is definitely Remi due to her crazy American dad that carries a gun inside the house with live ammunition. The characters in this game definitely have a funny image of America probably based on the writer's impressions. After all, there normally aren't any car chases except that one time a car flipped over running away from the cops next to my house. And it's not like Americans all walk around carrying guns and firing them all over the place like fucking idiots... Ok... yeah... I guess it's pretty accurate after all. #ColdDeadHands

No real father would walk around with a dangerous rifle near children (looks up gun death statistics...) Oh.

Overall, I'm glad to be finally done with this yawn borefest. You would think in a setting with fully autonomous maid robots and psychic powers, things would be a little more interesting but nope. The only highlight is the voice acting and 90s anime nostalgia theme songs. My favorite girl was Rio just because she sounded cute. The various radio segments were cool too and bonus Jhipster points as it's not scripted and require near native listening comprehension (yours truly).

Needs more holy rays for the naked shoulders IMO

Score: 2 maybe the original sex scenes would have spiced it up but I guess we'll never know out of 5

While I'll never play the 18+ PC version, I can't help but wonder if Multi and other maid robots have you know... all the parts... for umm... various "functions".

All I could find of the PC version, you have idea how hard it is to find porn on the internet!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Undertale

I learned not to get swept up by internet hype especially since I STILL regret paying even a single cent for "oh look at me cover all the hipster selling points" indie title Gone Home. But as even my nephew recommended it, I guess I had to try Undertale at some point especially since I live in my sister's basement for free #MillennialMinimalistGamer.

What my room looks like minus piles of games, empty dew cans and hentai wall scrolls.

I decided to get this one on (my sister's) Switch during the recent #BLACKFRIDAYKILLERDEALSCLICKNOW!!!! even though I would have preferred to play this on the Vita. I skipped the Vita because digital games are region locked and I didn't want to waste the money and space on a physical copy. I'm not a weeb so I really didn't want to play this in Japanese and cringe at how they tried to translate all the stupid puns nor did I want to have to reset my Vita to NA region. The Switch version miraculously has no region restrictions and even comes with both languages. I'm sure glad I went the English route because the JP version doesn't look like it uses any Kanji. I guess what was an unfortunate technical restriction from the Famicon days is now some sort of weird hipster retro fashion statement. Fuck off.

Speaking of ぎじゅつ, have you heard of fucking Unicode?

Even in English, I noticed a weird usage of singular "they" to refer to the Player, which in our time was a sentence agreement grammar error. I thought it was an easy problem to fix by asking your gender but then I remembered nowadays that would be a PC nightmare with whatever popular genders youngers are identifying with this week. So yeah, I guess they don't have to worry about grammar no more and by "they", I was referring to me. So should I start talking about the game or finish off with another round of old man ramblings?

I feel like every indie game I played has at least one picturesque, scenic road. +1 hipster point?

Given how hyped this game is for reasons I cannot fathom except I guess not everybody has played 30 years of masterpieces that were never translated to English, the question is not if this game is overrated but by how much. After all, DDLC pretty much lived up to the hype for me so miracles do happen. Well, I'm happy to report that Undertale is only very mildly overrated. Unlike other shit hipster titles, this game actually has some substance and is even fun to play. The combat system is challenging and the music is really good all around.

The entire OST is good, which is quite a feat.

As for the story, it was pretty good and yes, I'd hate to say it but for the hipsters, it does have that Mother 3 vibe. I don't know if Toby played Mother but I wish he could have at least added a dash option like Mother 3.

I thought this was gonna be a place for some revelation but no, it's just where the boat takes you back.

To see the true ending, you do have to play the game twice but it's not that much of a chore since the game is pretty short. The characters were charming enough that I did feel bad about deleting the game but hey, what are their lives compared to the extra space so nephew can play the next trendy game?

Not everybody made it in my first playthrough (sorry lesser 🐕)

I think the story had potential to make this a 4 great game but I didn't quite get the narrative about the Player. I don't want to go into spoilers but yeah, I don't understand the reason for why you were still there.

Overall, it was a good game but I'm still glad I didn't waste my money on an overpriced physical copy. At least it's not published by Super Limited "you might need to suck some dick to get a copy" hipster publisher.


Score 3.5 out of 5 (played maybe around 5-15 hours even though the Switch knows the actual FUCKING number and no I'm not going to install stupid parental control app just for record of hours played)

I might have gone for a 3rd playthrough to complete the trophies but oh, Switch doesn't have trophies. How am I going to know I'm fully enjoying a game without trophies? And also, the Switch is fucking heavy to play in bed, portable my ass. Oh I guess I was supposed to stand it up and play with my (non-existent) friends IRL during a trendy party on my urban roof? Thanks Nintendo for making me feel inadequate. Ok, that's it for my mini Switch rant, sorry.


Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely