P.T.

This is probably going to be the first and only post I do on a demo but P.T. is pretty special in a couple of unfortunate ways, the primary one being that we'll likely never see the full game. Yeah #FuckKonami and all that.

The assholes of course also completely wiped the demo from PSN. In fact, P.T. is the only reason I bought a first revision console. I normally wait a few models for the various improvements before buying a console. If it wasn't for P.T., I would probably own a PS4 Pro or maybe I'd be waiting for the PS5 since it's supposedly backwards compatible. But when I heard that the game was getting pulled, I went out and bought the damn console that day. It was actually already unavailable in the US region but fortunately, I managed to snag a copy on JP PSN.

Nice looking "free" demo, you just need a $399 console!

So, I had this thing sitting on my PS4 since then, and I played it here and there for brief periods of time over the years because yes, it's scary as fuck.

I guess it's not that bad playing in broad daylight but naw, I played with headphones alone in the dark of course. The sound effects are so good with headphones.

Silent Hill is an English series but I went with the Jhipster subtitles

Hideo Kojima is well known for fucking with you. My first experience was hours wasted trying to kill Psycho Mantis before resorting to looking up the 2nd player trick. My next WTF was the Metal Gear Rising PS3 theme. It had the typical cool wallpaper with Raiden when one day, my PS3 booted up to some moe shit. Ha ha funny Hideo, lucky my wife didn't see it. (That is if I had a wife.)

Anyway, I was playing one day, and paused the game as I was scared as fuck as usual and all of a sudden it started saying some satanic sounding shit from the pause menu! Holy fuck, that freaked me out.

I hate it when my lunch leaks. Nice idea to count how often on the wall!

Anyways, I've been playing P.T. for a while before I finally decided to finish it recently. I didn't get stuck until the part with all the paintings with rolling eyes and shit. Eventually, I had to look up the solution with the bathroom peeping hole. Also, the final bit with the three baby laughs...

I think I see something in the hole but I don't want to know what.

This demo is pretty short once you know what to do and it was definitely less scary on a 2nd playthrough but I took it nice and slow the first time. If anything, it's a great substitute for coffee if you want to stay awake.

Score: 3.5 fuck this game, how the hell am I going to go to sleep now?! out of 4

As a demo, I would rate this one as 5. I mean it was "free" (finger quotes), scary as hell, and really made everybody hyped for a new Silent Hill game. But I don't really have a rating system for demos. As a game, it would give this a solid 3.5 above average score for all the cool things it does even if you're really just roaming the same hallway repeatedly in a loop.

Hey, it's a million times better than roaming a whole house in Gone Home. Seriously, fuck that hipster game.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

SNATCHER（スナッチャー）

Snatcher was one of the games I definitely wanted to play before I compiled my GOTY list for 1988. It's a Hideo Kojima ADV game blah blah blade runner blah blah terminator, you get the idea.

Oh hi Deckar- ...err I mean Gillian

To put things in perspective, I played a couple console ADV games from that year and a little bit of ANGELUS from Enix on the PC-88. I have to say, besides those Enix games such as Wingman and JESUS, Snatcher is probably one of the best looking ADV games I've seen on the PC-88 so far. However, the biggest issue with the original version is that it ends on a cliffhanger at the end of Chapter 2.

For 1988, this is pretty darn awesome

The PC Engine CD version that was released 4 years later in 1992 is the definitive way to play this game for sure. There are a number of really great looking ADV games on that system and boy was it way ahead of its time. It had amazing graphics, CD audio music, and voiced dialogue! For quick reference, Myst didn't come out until late 1993. What did the competing consoles have around that time? Otogiriso on the Super Famicom? Pfft, get out of here.

In any case, this version has the complete story and is the last one that Hideo Kojima himself worked on. The later ports are just complete garbage especially the washed out and censored PS1 crap. I made the mistake of buying that before I knew better and threw it in the Gamestop dumpster as soon as I finished the best version.

This is pretty much what my wife looks like IRL

So yeah, non-Jhipsters can go ahead and buy the ridiculously expensive Sega CD version to flaunt in their various YT videos, sure, why not? Or I guess you can play it on the just released PC Engine Mini... as long as you don't mind playing it in Japanese. Oh, I haven't done a Jhipster smug pic in a while now!

Aww, no English? I'm sure they'll make it real soon just like that vaccine!

Putting aside the standard Jhipster agenda, I thought the game was, I dunno, pretty good I guess? Maybe a bit over-hyped. For one thing, it's one of the easiest ADV games I played. Pretty much anybody will be able to beat it in roughly over 5 hours with little effort. I'm not saying that's a negative. I'm just as happy to enjoy the story instead of being stuck for hours, say for example, trying to pick a flower that's FUCKING impossible to reach. I think the fact that people could actually finish the game might have helped it stand out.

Ugh, this just reminds me of all those Metal Gear games I still need to finish...

Of course, the cyberpunk setting is also cool. I mean, who doesn't like cyberpunk? The visuals and voice acting was great too. The last chapter did feel rushed though. I wonder if Kojima meant to make a much bigger game but just didn't have the resources? Oh, and of course, how can I not talk about Catherine, the 14 year old model. Err... excuse me, I mean 18, duh! Don't you know that ages are counted differently in Japan at a ratio of 1.285714285714286, you culturally ignorant philistine?! A 14 year old Japanese person is actually 18 here, and 15 years is 19.28571428571429. Geesh, you Americans are SO ignorant!

Why is that towel transparent? TIME TO GO ON TWITTER!

So for a quick Japanese lesson, which doesn't have future tense, Catherine says she's 14 this year. Does that mean she is 14 already or actually 13 and will turn 14 later in the year? No really guys, this is actually really important for states like Alabama. Well, at least it was until 2003, when they raised the minimum marriage age from 14 to 16. (Yeah Japan, why are YOU so backwards?)

Score: 3.5 Man, I'm so glad that a massive biological accident will never wipe out half the world's population in the REAL world, right guys? Um... MAGA? Tired of winning yet? Ah... fuck. out of 5

Anyways, I think if I was rich and Japanese and played this game in 1992, I would've been blown away. As it is, being late to the party as usual, I thought it was pretty good. Just not worth $700 or whatever for a censored version in my Jhipster opinion at least.

Now, that's some fucking sexy sax music

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi II -Tears of Eden-（dancing blade かってに桃天使II〜Tears of Eden〜）

Let's talk about my gaming habits because this is valuable information that I must leave on the internet for prosperity. As you can plainly tell, I'm pretty far behind on almost every popular game series that has continued beyond the PS1 era. As I mentioned, I was too poor to have more than a couple games as a kid and I also had a pretty long blank when I was preoccupied with real life and trying to figure out jobs n shit. So these days, I'm mostly playing "retro" games (as the kids call em) while for some stupid reason still buying new shit cause you know, nowadays games are strictly, totally, "if you don't buy like RIGHT NOW it's incinerated so nobody else can ever have it" limited.

Oh I'm sure this collector plays ALL his games (wink wink)

Unfortunately unlike the hoarders collectors on social media, I can't afford a giant room filled with games so that means I often have to go through all the shit I bought and figure out what needs to go and at last we get to the topic on hand which is today's game: Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi II.

As I noted when I played the first game, these "games" are basically animes with a few selectable clips that can be beaten in under an hour. So when more packages showed up at my door, I knew it was time to go load this anime up and get it prepped for the Gamestop dumpster.

Liked the cover but you know, I ain't got a game room, much less a game house.

I don't know how well the first game sold (lol the poor sods paying 5800 yen on day one) but they were probably planning on this sequel anyway as evidenced by the sneak preview in the first game's omake. It's pretty much the exact same system and once again no way to skip segments you've already seen. In fact, I'm now starting to think the lack of skip capability was intentional as it would be pretty laughable to charge full price and have the poor suckers manage to watch every clip in a little over an hour.

Of course, that just means you're multitasking and waiting instead of just being done with it. In fact, because this game has 7 endings, 3 more than the original, it means even more time wasted. More endings would suggest that there's more content but remember the only difference is a short clip at the end. It has the same number of discs and is still essentially 2 OVAs depending on the first choice. This time you can either decide to stay in the city for the main scenario or go to the sea. Actually, two of the endings were tricky to figure out because you have to go through both scenarios.

What if you eat burritos instead of ramen? That could totally be a life changer! (not really)

At least in this final Momotenshi game, you get some kind of conclusion. I didn't get into the plot for the first game but the whole premise of your journey is that you are trying to find out why Momo was born from a giant peach. The first game pretty much ignored that objective in both stories so at least this time they answered some questions. Unfortunately, I couldn't give a rat's ass about Momo's biological origins so it was pretty much a mediocre anime once again. Oh yeah, I guess you can also enjoy like 10 secs of Suzuna's naked shoulders if that's your kind of thing.

This screen cap does not reflect the core values of this blog.

I noticed Otsu-hime (the girl/mermaid from the sea episode) was voiced by the same girl who did Yue in Memories Off. At the very least, I'll probably check out the drama CD just to get the full franchise experience.

Score: 2 wheeee time to go order some more shit on amazon jp!! out of 5

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi!（dancing blade かってに桃天使!）

Well, that was quick! While I was going through my customary purge cleaning sessions in a desperate but ultimately futile attempt to make some more space in my Closet of Shame™, I came across a copy of Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi! (PS1 version). I kind of heard this "game" was short so I decided to pop it in and play through it before I toss it for the Gamestop dumpster divers and I'm now writing this 3 hours later. Even shorter than I imagined (always a plus for the pro reviewer #respectmytime)!

The blue "interactive anime" tag makes this a "game"

I'm not going into the whole hipster debate of what constitutes a game but straight up, this is basically 2 OVAs of about 30 minutes each with minor branching animation paths that lead to 4 different endings. In fact, the PSP version is just a plain interactive UMD Video. I would call this even less of a game compared to other animated adventure games where every other decision results in death (you know which game I'm talking about). It's literally just two anime OVAs with one short clip difference between the endings. Which OVA you "play" depends on your first decision to eat either Kibi dango or go to a restaurant. If you decide to eat Kibi dango, you watch the main story while the other option is kind of a fan service episode around Oinu (big boobs) and Kijime (even bigger boobs)

Aw fuck it, might as well watch

And that brings us to the plot, which is not exactly a Shakespearean masterpiece. You play some guy (voiced by Ogata Megumi-chan) surrounded by hot chicks whom you met by I guess whatever happened as shown in like 3 seconds during the opening song. Basically, it's like Momotaro but the dog, bird, and Momo are hot chicks and the monkey is some robot. Whatever, I'm not some Ebert anime reviewer but as animes go, it's about as unremarkable as you can imagine. At least the animation is pretty good and the transitions were almost seamless. The DC Complete edition seems to have a tiny bit more content but you have to hunt for it.

Pretty much half the game in a nutshell

The only real problem is that you can only skip the intro video. During the game itself, pressing start just prompts you to save and so be prepared to multitask as you wait for the animation to drag on to the next selection. Once you watch two of the endings, the rest of the hour or so will be spent watching minor variations and mostly waiting.

Score: 2 (well at least it's better than more SAO attempted rape scenes but that's just stating the obvious) out of 5

Besides the lack of skip option, there's nothing technically terrible about this anime but there's really no reason for this to be a "game". I will go with a 2 just based purely on the fact that it wasn't broken and the anime wasn't terrible but you can just watch the thing on YT or whatever. This will definitely be purged from my collection and so I have a bit more space to buy more useless shit. I guess onto the sequel!

Mission Accomplished!

The good ol' days...

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely