As things continue to be fucked up because the US is so "special", I continue my never ending quest to... what do YTers call it these days? Ah yes, "curate" my collection so that it best represents ME as a collector. As I might have mentioned before, I'm trying to go through my PSP and DS games to see if they're worth keeping and so here's yet another obscure ADV game: Jui Dr. Touma Joutarou.
Look, we're not hoarders just because our entire house is filled with games!
I know you guys all love my impromptu Japanese lessons (ya right), so I thought I'd mention that this isn't some cutesy vet hospital pet game for kids. Jui here is a made-up word using the Kanji for curse as in "curse doctor". You can clearly tell the difference given that Juui meaning "veterinarian" has a long u-vowel sound. DUH!!
Thanks for the furigana reading for "Dr.", that's REAL helpful (fuckers)
Anyways, the basic premise of the game is you're a former forensics medical specialist who for reasons explained in the game, is now an exorcist. You'll tackle a number of cases all taking place in one condominium along with your loli goth assistant: Kotobiki. I mean, it IS a Japanese game after all.
Whew! I almost thought this was an EA game for a sec there!
For better or worse, this game is not voiced at all meaning much reading of bigly words even for Jhipsters. There are a couple screens of spirits or whatnot that might be considered creepy but on a scare factor scale I would rate this as extremely mild.
Where's the national pandemic response playbook?!! This is horrifying!
Overall, it thought this game was entertaining enough. The gameplay was nothing special just as long as you remember to save before you do your spirit dive or whatever it is. You check out various parts of the room and hope you find what you're looking for before your spirit bar or something runs out. The final so-called puzzle in each case where you have to pick the right type of exorcism is meh... whatever as well (shrug).
Looking for dead baby spirits or your luggage? You decide!
One annoying aspect are the sections where you have to choose to play as Juutarou or Kotobiki when they split up to investigate. Of course, I picked Kotobiki every time but you miss some of the plot no matter which way you pick. I guess this was their lame way of adding some replay value but really, it's just a stupid annoyance. I ain't playing this game twice, fuck that noise.
Score: 3 No pixiv fan art or loli yuri doujin of Kotobiki? Fuck this game! out of 5
I don't really have much to say about this little "hidden" gem except it's terribly average and mediocre. It's nothing special but totally playable I suppose. One minor annoyance is the main story about Juutarou remains unresolved leaving room for maybe a sequel. But c'mon, there was no way this was going to be successful enough for a sequel. So I guess we'll never find out what happens with his main objective. Oh yeah, that's really gonna keep me up at night (not).
I would probably buy and play the sequel for $5 or so if it existed and that's about the most complimentary thing I can say. Final verdict is that this game is going to be leaving my collection and will not be part of what defines me as a person. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to building a bunker under my house to add more room for my game collection. #BunkerGamer
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Persona 3 is my personal record for the game that took me the longest to beat of all time. As I mentioned in my Persona 4 post, I started this game around 2007 before FES even came out and I finally, finally beat the game in 2020. A lot has happened in the 13 years or so since I started this game so holy fuck, it's like I'm closing a chapter of my life, namely, the good one when I was young and dapper. Now onto my next shitty chapter of middle age crisis, bemoaning the good ol' days and being afraid of the social media lashing if I state my opinion on all those pronouns on Twitter. So I guess it's business as usual, same shit as last year.
Back when you could tell the gender of the right side at least
I have kind of a semi-excuse for why the fuck it took me so long. I first played like 40 some hours of Persona 3 and then FES came out so I started over. At least I was able to import my academics, courage, and charm. Of course, since FES added hard mode, I just had to be stupid and play on hard to be "hardcore". Hard mode is no fucking joke so I got stuck a bunch of times because of the grind and plus I rarely have free time to play on a console, anyways, here we are, Happy New Year, it's FUCKING 2020!!!
Went to Hatsumode last week and not a single hottie in furisode just some middle-aged obasans in down jackets... IRL sucks!
Of course, I probably would have finished this game a lot sooner if I opted to play the PSP version. Unfortunately, being on the PSP, there were some significant compromises such as the removal of cut-scenes for a more visual novel type of presentation. Because the Vita didn't exist (RIP), there is no definitive version like Persona 4 Golden. I do intend on replaying the game (again!) at some point much, much later for the portable female MC route. I just have to see if I can steal Junpei from Chidori and promptly throw him away as he's not my type. That's what I would do as a hot anime chick, at least. I thought adding a female MC was a really neat idea and something all games MUST HAVE, YOU SEXIST GAMERS!! SHAME ON YOU!!! or something to that effect.
I mean seriously, it's so EASY! Hex has done it so many times I'm sure!
So yeah, in a nutshell, Persona 3 is a great game. Personally, I liked Persona 4 way more because of DEM FEELS but Persona 4 wouldn't exist without all the mechanics and things inherited from Persona 3. The central theme and concept behind this game is to reflect on our finite lives and the suggestion that maybe you might want to spend your limited time on this mortal coil wisely. You have to juggle your school schedule, social activities, and you get tired in dungeons.
This real life idea permeates throughout the entire game, often to the detriment of the gameplay itself. For example, in real life, you can't just open a menu and make somebody else equip some new items. No, you have to actually go up to your party member and talk to them to change their equipment. Also, in real life, you can't control other people like umm... game characters. No, you have to make suggestions via strategies and they'll decide exactly what they want to do LIKE NOT FUCKING HEALING YOU AND RESULTING IN A SENSELESS GAME OVER!!! And that's the other thing. As soon as you die, it's game over even if someone in your party has the fucking ability to revive you. Of course, P3 Portable "fixed" all these gameplay issues and is more like Persona 4.
The "Control you like the fucking game character you are" Strategy
Personally, I liked the original version better as it reflects a central theme that drives the game as an entire whole package. FES even fixed up some time "loop holes", for example, praying at the Jinja takes up time instead of being a freebie stat increase. I hated having to go to the shrine to pray every day anyway. The only part that is less realistic is that you can go out with like 5 girls and never have to choose one like in Persona 4 (boo). Personally, Mitsurugi is best waifu and we enjoyed a wonderful Christmas together. #CreepyGamer #Weeb
#1 Waifu, no question
Overall, after finishing the game, I had to sit back and reflect on how I spend my precious days as I age past middle age and set one foot in the grave. Then I realized I spent 115 hours of my so called "precious" life PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME ON HARD! Thanks Atlus for making me feel guilty and ashamed.
Kamiki especially makes you think... about maybe not wasting your life playing Persona 3
Especially at the end, oh my god, the final boss is a fucking nightmare, let me tell you. It's not that it's super hard after I grinded to about level 85, it's just fucking LONG but that's not even the worst of it. Just before he dies, he pulls a cheap move of random status ailments and WITHOUT FAIL somebody gets charmed and heals the fucker to full health. Several hours of whittling away at his HP WASTED. It's like the ultimate slap in the face. On my 5th try, I finally beat the fucker by changing everybody's strategy to attack and popping precious Somas I had hoarded like they were candy. It was probably one of the most frustrating final boss battles I've ever played but oh the rush when I finally put that fucker down.
I BEAT IT! I'M SO COOL! CAN'T WAIT TO TELL MY FRIENDS!! ...oh wait
I also really liked that you can go talk to your maxed out Commus to get the final conclusion of each mini story. But it was like 3 am in the fucking morning when I finally beat the game so I wished I could save before all that shit. You can go to the dorm to save for one more day before your Senpais' graduation but I was afraid I would miss something.
Overall, while I think Persona 4 is the better game, I finally "get" the reason for all the mechanics that we are now familiar with. I think it's safe to say that this is the game that really made the Persona franchise what it is today. While yes, there was some incredibly frustrating moments, I really enjoyed my 13 years of mostly not playing this game.
Hook that Shoji Meguro goodness right into my veins ANY time
As for the music, I loved it even though I wasn't a fan of the rapping (especially in the dorm at night, huh?). I much prefer the more somber music it switches to in January. And sure, there could have been more variety in the tracks for all couple HUNDRED floors of Tartarus stair climbing but I still loved the music overall. (Yes, you can ask Fuka to change up the music in FES but that's still like 5 tracks.)
Too many stairs, time not respected. Score: 0 out of 5 - Shitaku
Score: 4 "You didn't cheat but you still didn't grow. You didn't improve anything of real value. You experience a hollow victory and nothing was gained. Stop playing games and get a fucking life" out of 5 (115 hours to beat)
Even after all this non-time respecting BS, I'm now like 5 hours in Episode Aegis so who knows how long that will take to beat. Also, once again, those silly localizers are up to their usual shenanigan by changing Aegis' name to "Aigis". Why?? I have to say, I briefly watched the English dub and it was so cringe. I have no idea how non-Jhipsters can bear it. "Oh no, You-car-ree chan is hurt!" Oh my fucking god, how the fuck can you guys stand it??
No Japanese weeb VA option is like 0.2 bonus smug points for needing to resort to emulation for the undub. "The Journey"? Pfft, just Episode Yourself localizers (psst, I'm saying "fuck you").
Hey, why don't you do both of us a favor and just Episode Yourself ok??
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
So I started playing Taiko no Tatsujin Portable 2 on the PSP soon after I purged the first one out of my collection and I have to say this one is gonna be really tough to dump because I actually really like the game. There's no better way to flash back to the good ol' days than playing some numa numa on the PSP.
YT before it turned to commercial pedo shit
First of all, the sequel has quite a few more songs than the first Taiko Portable, many of them recycled DLC put on UMD. It's actually not a bad thing because all the online stuff is dead so at least some of the lost DLC is preserved. Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised if many of the missing DLC can be found on newer Taiko games on some console. The first game would have been a lot better if all this shit wasn't DLC to start with. In fact, two of my favorite songs in this game were originally DLC: 画竜点睛 and 真・画竜点睛. I just loved those songs because it was actually music meant for taiko drums.
Not the PSP version but I'm too lazy to record my own
Anyway, it was a good trip back in time to 2006 nostalgia salaryman overtime years with Hirai Ken's Pop Star, slutty Koda Kumi, and who can forget MOSKAU soramimi flash vid for some extra nostalgia tears. For you kids, flash was how we old folks made funny videos because as far as we knew, it was impossible to stream video unless you wanted to torture yourself with Real (ass) Player.
Oh and don't forget those stick fighting flash vids!!
Aaaah, the good ol' days when J-pop wasn't filled with all this creepy ass idol predatory sales tactics using underage girls. Sure there was Morning Musume but I don't recall idiots buying and dumping hundreds of momusu CDs into the trash just so they can get some idol election votes, live concert lottery tickets, borderline prostitution hand shaking event, or whatever else they stuff in the CD trash. Top of the music charts indeed.
Score: 3 don't forget to sign up for the AKB48 app so you can get personalized text messages for a small fee from a teenage girl, no it's not creepy at all! out of 5
Um so yeah, so talking about games. Yeah, I had a good time with Taiko Portable 2. Even though I could only clear around 7 stars on Oni difficulty, I did get up to Tatsujin rank. There's also a story mode about a girl's piano recital which was cute, as well as, more mini games which you know, are mini games. Even though, as I said, the Taiko series isn't my favorite type of rhythm game, I definitely had fun with this one and will probably come back to it after I play through more of these games to knock out some of those 8-10 star crazy hard songs.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Well, that was quick! While I was going through my customary purge cleaning sessions in a desperate but ultimately futile attempt to make some more space in my Closet of Shame™, I came across a copy of Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi! (PS1 version). I kind of heard this "game" was short so I decided to pop it in and play through it before I toss it for the Gamestop dumpster divers and I'm now writing this 3 hours later. Even shorter than I imagined (always a plus for the pro reviewer #respectmytime)!
The blue "interactive anime" tag makes this a "game"
I'm not going into the whole hipster debate of what constitutes a game but straight up, this is basically 2 OVAs of about 30 minutes each with minor branching animation paths that lead to 4 different endings. In fact, the PSP version is just a plain interactive UMD Video. I would call this even less of a game compared to other animated adventure games where every other decision results in death (you know which game I'm talking about). It's literally just two anime OVAs with one short clip difference between the endings. Which OVA you "play" depends on your first decision to eat either Kibi dango or go to a restaurant. If you decide to eat Kibi dango, you watch the main story while the other option is kind of a fan service episode around Oinu (big boobs) and Kijime (even bigger boobs)
Aw fuck it, might as well watch
And that brings us to the plot, which is not exactly a Shakespearean masterpiece. You play some guy (voiced by Ogata Megumi-chan) surrounded by hot chicks whom you met by I guess whatever happened as shown in like 3 seconds during the opening song. Basically, it's like Momotaro but the dog, bird, and Momo are hot chicks and the monkey is some robot. Whatever, I'm not some Ebert anime reviewer but as animes go, it's about as unremarkable as you can imagine. At least the animation is pretty good and the transitions were almost seamless. The DC Complete edition seems to have a tiny bit more content but you have to hunt for it.
Pretty much half the game in a nutshell
The only real problem is that you can only skip the intro video. During the game itself, pressing start just prompts you to save and so be prepared to multitask as you wait for the animation to drag on to the next selection. Once you watch two of the endings, the rest of the hour or so will be spent watching minor variations and mostly waiting.
Score: 2 (well at least it's better than more SAO attempted rape scenes but that's just stating the obvious) out of 5
Besides the lack of skip option, there's nothing technically terrible about this anime but there's really no reason for this to be a "game". I will go with a 2 just based purely on the fact that it wasn't broken and the anime wasn't terrible but you can just watch the thing on YT or whatever. This will definitely be purged from my collection and so I have a bit more space to buy more useless shit. I guess onto the sequel!
Mission Accomplished!
The good ol' days...
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
So I'm finally on the SMT bandwagon even though real Jhipsters refer to the series as Megaten err excuse me, メガテン cause you know, there's no "S" in Megami Tensei I & II. But enough of the Jhipster rant, what I was trying to say is I finished Shin Megami Tensei. The "shin" in this case is not the kanji for "new" but rather "true" aka TRUE Megami Tensei. Does that mean the original books and the first two games are "fake"? Oh well, whatever, it's Atlus' reboot/re-imaging of the series. Blah blah, we all know what SMT is. #mainstream
You have to admit, the OP is pretty cool
Even though I played the PS1 port which was released in 2001, nearly ten years after the original SFC 1992 release, graphically it looks pretty close to the original. In fact, the 1995 SFC Kyuuyaku remake of the previous 2 games looks WAY better, in particular the world map in Megami Tensei II. In that remake, you're walking around a detailed map of Tokyo in your cool cape while in this PS1 port, you're still just a generic spinning shape walking around a boring map of various geometric shapes.
Never been to Sendagaya but pretty sure this is not accurate
Speaking of your spinning avatar, this game introduced the whole Law, Chaos, or Neutral alignment system. I couldn't really figure out how to check your alignment but after reading the manual, I found out that the direction your avatar is spinning shows which alignment you're on. Yeah, this isn't explained in an in-game tutorial so IGN review score -8 right there.
See, it's clearly explained right there! Also, notice the similar SFC graphics
This new system of making choices throughout the game that affects the ending is a great idea on paper and certainly superior to the whole frog branching path thing in the previous game. But in practice, it was annoying how once you end up on Law or Chaos side, a lot of the choices end up being made for you which seems backwards. For example, Chaos bosses immediately attacking you if you're Law or vice-versa. Most of the "choices" I ended up making was tweaking my alignment after the fact by donating to Messiah or Gaia churches for healing or by going to Destiny Tokyo Land. Of course, I went for Neutral cause fuck Church and Gaia sounds kinda hipster. Kill everything in sight!
As for the gameplay, it's pretty much the same deal as MT2. This game retains the option to attack with either guns or sword except this time, the balance was totally off. Yeah, I get that in the real world, a railgun will probably be more effective than a sword or a whip (even if it IS electric). But seriously, bullets that afflict status ailments? Like, you get shot up to hell yet you STILL fall asleep despite the excruciating pain? With the sleeping bullets, then the charm bullets, and later the binding bullets, I used guns pretty much almost for the entire game.
This was one of those odd games where it's much better to concentrate on speed and mostly ignore strength until you get the strongest sword. Especially given how devastating status ailments are, if you get first hit, you can literally beat some bosses with zero damage. And yeah, the boss battles were all kind of a joke even though I played on EXPERT.
The only real highlight for me was the story which is the most interesting so far. The dialogue is pretty minimal but I liked how things started on a very small scale that quickly escalates into some very bad shit. It all begins when you download some shady program on your handy 199X handbelt computer (probably while browsing porn).
Wooooow, SOOO futuristic!
Then there's reports of a gruesome murder in the neighborhood. It turns out to actually be a demon and you get arrested as you were witnessed at the scene. Then a Japanese Steven Hawkins turns up (RIP) and reveals that actually, a whole slew of demons were unleashed from a portal project (ala Doom). This is only the first couple hours of the game and well... let's just say things continue to go downhill from there. #MAGA #ICBM
This guy mysteriously survives through everything and doesn't seem to age. Hmm...
Score: 2.5 Cero A? Really? I'm sure the Christians would beg to differ out of 5 (44 hours to beat)
SMT like the previous 2 games is definitely, totally 100% a multitask affair. It helps that the sword attack is essentially useless until you fuse Hinokagutsuchi so I found myself selecting gun on the first battle after loading up the game and then going auto mode afterwards. In fact, I found it really annoying when a dungeon had one of those rare enemies where guns deal no damage. Sometimes, I was so lazy, I just let them shoot in vain for a while and let my demons handle it in auto mode.
Still, even though the game barely required any strategy, I had fun filling out the maps OCD style. But the encounter rate near the end really just soured the game for me. Especially the consecutive battles where there would be another battle 1 or 2 more times requiring me to select Auto x2 more before taking another single step.
Though not nearly as bad as DQ2, it was also really annoying how often you had to press O to skip through the useless messages of how you won, how much exp each of your party members acquired, mag, and maka. Even though I enjoyed the game overall, the last two dungeons especially the fuck fest at the Tocho made me want to toss the game at times. Still, how can you not enjoy the late 80s shoulder-pad blazer fashion? Kids these days don't know what they're missing.
So salty I missed the bubble no-pan kissa times #metoo #jk
In the end, I decided to not keep this one and it is already purged from my awesome collection and no it has nothing to do with the fact that my copy wasn't CIB...
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Among a looooong list of Negima!? games, ネギま!? 超 麻帆良大戦 かっとイ~ン☆契約執行でちゃいますぅ I believe is the first of the two Negima!? games on the Nintendo DS and based on the reviews, I probably should have skipped this one and gone straight to ネギま!?超麻帆良大戦チュウ チェックイ~ン 全員集合!やっぱり温泉来ちゃいましたぁ. Don't worry, I won't look at you with Jhipster disdain for not remembering the exact difference between the two titles.
Oh I'm sorry, were you expecting Romaji with that?
But yeah, this game doesn't exactly exude quality as it opens with the shittiest looking title screen and a heavily compressed reading of the title a la "kattoi~~~~n!!". Ugh. Now, I'm obviously not one of those IGN "pro" contract reviewers who are randomly assigned shit and paid some sum to pump out a review of something they have absolutely no clue about as quickly as possible. So yes, I watched the anime adaptation (all 26 episodes) and read some of the manga. I even tried to watch the remake though I stopped because well, it's the same shit mostly. And yes, for the record, Yue is my fav girl followed closely by Nodoka cause you know, those shy types are the most wild in the bedroom. The main heroine is the most boring and stereotypical archetype evar so fuck that girl, whatever her name was.
My future waifu. Unfortunately, this is NOT from the game.
So yeah, even though this game is a mess, combining an ADV part, Negima trivial questions err... I mean trivia, and a shitty SRPG, I probably would have finished it nevertheless. I didn't even mind resetting constantly to find out which girls would give you new costumes in the ADV part nor the quizzes with random difficulty ranging from the easiest, "which girl is [name]" to some super niche Negima trivia. BUT what I couldn't stand are SRPGs that only reward exp to the character that defeats an enemy AND no practice stage to grind. There's no way in HELL I would diligently plan for which characters to level up by saving kills for a game of this caliber.
Not to mention, the difficulty is way too high for a game of such shitty quality. If you lose a battle, there's no way to keep your experience. Basically, a big fuck you and back you go to the shitty "kattoi~~~~n!!" title screen. Oh, we took away all the characters that you leveled up from previous fights? Ha, why don't you start over, you sorry fuck?!
No, fuck you game. You're going straight into dumpster. There goes 8 hours of my life, down the tubes. Also, my copy of the game was super shitty so who knows if the Gamestop dumpster divers would even bother with your ass.
Score: orz I just needed a kiss from Yue to keep going but alas it was not to be out of 5
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Every new Final Fantasy game I buy seems to require several hours of research to determine which version is best. I really only want to buy one copy of each game, as strange as that may sound to the "pro" game hoarders... err I mean collectors. I usually just go for the latest version that uses real buttons and not on a goddamn phone. With Final Fantasy III, given my unabashed bias and love for the PSP aka the best console of all time, it seemed natural to give my yen offerings to the Amazon Japan Gods and get me some of that UMD love.
This filtered washed out mobile shitfest graphics is not exactly the same as the PSP version (impartial opinion)
Now, I'm sure you 2D purists are already scoffing at me for going for the 3D remake but if anybody can explain why the original version is better in terms of gameplay, please do let me know what I'm supposedly missing out on. As for personal preference, I really don't care about 2D or 3D as long as the game plays fine. I will say that zooming in to find hidden items was kinda annoying and pointless. I'm not sure how that mechanic worked if at all in the original Famicon version. In addition, the load times was just a few seconds too long. Even using an ISO without all the UMD grinding, the load time was juuuust long enough to be annoying but the 2x speed in auto battle mode made up for it a bit.
3D? Pffft, you must be one of those people that liked FF13 *scoff*
Besides the 3D changes, I found FF3 interesting because you get an airship within the first hour of the game. Of course, this airship doesn't go over mountains so you can't go much farther than what you could easily walk anyway but I still thought it was a nice twist. What's even more interesting is less than 10 hours into the game, an NPC gave me an item for going around the world map on a Chocobo and it didn't take more than a couple minutes, the world map was so small, I assumed there was more to explore than just this tiny world (you'll need to play the game to find out).
Don't get too excited, you ain't gonna get too far with that.
This is the first FF game that uses the job system like Bravely Default (comparison for the new kids). I'm not going to guess at who or how the job system was invented but after playing FF2, it feels like a natural progression from the crazy everything has a level chaos. If you consolidate the disjointed parts of FF2 and wrap it in a neat logical package called a job... voila! Job system!
Out of the first 3 games, the combat in this one is definitely the best so far. While FF1 was 99% holding down circle and FF2 a crazy albeit unique mess, FF3 is the first game in the franchise that has any sense of strategy. Though when you open up 4 chests with equipment for the scholar, you can tell the game is trying to tell you something. You need to play around with the jobs somewhat to see what works at different parts of the game. However, the system definitely did have some flaws including the fact that you'll never have the time to really level up and try out all the various jobs. The game balance near the end seemed to kind of break down as well as bosses took only about 6-10 hits of 6000-9999 damage to defeat.
Character designs were kinda meh but Refia twin tails with glasses was a winner
I liked the fact that you need to actually buy and use items in the beginning as Esuna is a 7(!) level spell. Phoenix downs are also not sold in stores so you need to use what you can find until you unlock Revive much later in the game (though earlier than Esuna). It was really annoying to have to find a spring to revive party members as sleeping at an inn doesn't work so I usually just reset instead.
The setting of the story is very similar to FF1 with the 4 warriors of light again, which feels like a step backward from FF2 in terms of character development. This time, you're trying to restore balance with light or something via talking crystals. I was never a big fan of the crystal stuff in Final Fantasy but I guess this is where it kinda starts to become an FF theme. You know what kind of game would be really cool? What if, in a unique twist, you are actually warriors of dark fighting against light?! That would be pretty darn cool!!!
GOD DAMMIT SQUARE!!! You made the boring part of the story! (DS version)
As I mentioned, I'm not sure why they went back to the generic FF1 character style (is this an early example of FF9 retro throwback??) They tried to give the characters some back stories in the 3D remake but even so the character development is non-existent and they end up feeling almost as generic as the FF1 warriors of light anyway. You can see snippets of personality and interaction in short bits of story and by talking to the 5th character that joins your party now and then. But at the end of the day, you can change all the characters to cross-dressing harpies and the main plot of restoring light to the balance or whatever would work exactly the same. At least this time, the 5th character isn't actually in your party as an under-powered, dragging wet towel that you are constantly switching like in FF2.
It's too bad the characters are so boring because the world setting and story events are arguably the most interesting in the series so far. However, it all falls flat as the events unfold around the generic characters that you're not really invested in and the final villian was too abstract to really interest me. I guess we'll have to wait for FF4 for the Parom/Palom level feels. Well, at least we can enjoy the fancy new intro vid.
Character interactions not as rich as intro suggests
Score: 3 "I may be cute but I'm fucking warning you, this book is pretty darn heavy!" out of 5 (31 hours to beat)
I thought the game was just average on all counts. Oh well, at least FF3 brought us Moogles... and it has twin tails... and a cat suit so... mission accomplished! Now I hear the final dungeon in the original version is hella difficult but it was pretty tame in the remake and thank goodness for that cause I was ready to be done with this game.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
In my post about MOTHER2, I couldn't help but ramble on about how it fixed all the shitty parts of MOTHER to upgrade it from a bag of poo all the way to a fairly decent game. At this rate, MOTHER3 should be one of the greatest games of all time. At the very least, it addressed my only one major complaint: the complete lack of character development making it very difficult to feel invested in the story. BOY OH BOY, did they add a lot of story this time around, almost TOO MUCH (here comes entitled gamer complaining about getting exactly what I asked for). Within the first few hours of the game, the story gets HEAVY AS FUCK (in more ways than one).
Heavy as a plate of chicken fried steak with biscuits AND gravy YEEHAW!!
If you thought MOTHER2 was doomed in the US market, MOTHER3 would have been like trying to sell bubonic plague. The graphic style combined with all the heavy dialogue and reading would have been like kryptonite to American gamers, gasping in shock as they vainly tried to reach for a bag of Doritos and dew with their weakened, fat hands. (Disclaimer: I'm American so I'm allowed to make fun of them, err I mean us.)
In terms of the gameplay and battle system, it's pretty much the same as MOTHER2, a standard multi-task hold down 'A' affair. Fortunately, you can hold down the convenient 'L' button for one-handed play and it goes really fast. In fact, TOO fast, one time I had to reset because I got an item from a battle, the game said my inventory was full, and I ended up throwing away my equip item instead by accident. OOPS!
Your first battle is with an okera, some sort of bug? He thinks he's tough.
Again, I really dug the way your HP gradually rolls up and down, giving you a chance to heal yourself before you die if you're quick (ATB?). It's great at keeping you on your toes for boss battles. It also helped me not care when the men's bathroom sign used PK Starstorm cause I could quickly end the battle before it really hurt me (you'll understand when you play game). There's nothing new really from the previous game in terms of game mechanics except for the dash. OH THANK GOD FOR THE DASH. I loved it so much I was super annoyed when you couldn't dash cause one of your characters was trying to learn a new PSI ability. UGH.
What really stands out in this game is the story and the large cast of quirky and memorable characters. In addition, the OST has TONS of songs and is probably one of the best VG OSTs I've heard in terms of variety.
GAH! DEM FEEEEEEEEELS
Warning: some very minor spoilers ahead.
Starting out, I thought maybe it took place many years before MOTHER2, maybe in Texas or something? Cause your dad looks like a cowboy and it looked like some sort of western setting but with dinosaurs? Hmm I dunno, maybe a completely different universe from the previous 2 games? That's what I thought going into the game at least and wasn't a big fan of the western setting at first.
Without getting into too much detail, let me just say that the story does NOT disappoint. Even though both Ness and Lucas are silent protagonists, the level of character development and emotional attachment is on a totally different level from the previous game, which is interesting considering Lucas doesn't say a single word in the entire game. I also liked that your dog in this game isn't a total useless, good-for-nothing like the last game. Sadly, my dog Chewy passed away after I started this game so it was a bit sad to continue playing with Chewy （チュイ） in my party.
Sigh....
As for the overall plot, while MOTHER2 had some great surprises and frankly disturbing plot points, MOTHER3 has dem FEEEEELS. There were definitely some great themes as well, such as how the bad guy used "Shiawase" (happiness) boxes to corrupt the town. My cynical self enjoyed the irony of exploring the bad influence of TV in a video game. It also did a great job of being a grand finale for the entire series. I don't know if it was Itoi's grand scheme for the series but it finally did live up to the title "MOTHER". It would have been cool if I wrote this post for Mother's Day but I'm a bit late for that.
Too bad my real mother is a krazy lady.
Score: 4 No seriously, I'm not fucking exaggerating about dem FEEEEELS out of 5 (29 hours to beat)
I was going to give this game an above-average score of 3.5 as I normally wouldn't give a multitask battle system game a 4. I didn't get that super hooked right away either as it took me over a year to finish. The underwater oxygen part was kind of tedious and I probably put it down for over 6 months at that point. Another issue was that this game didn't work on my PSP emulator as they must have used some crazy GBA tricks. It wasn't really an issue since I'm not a filthy pirate and I own the actual game but I don't carry my DS with me normally so it took me longer to finish.
However, after finishing the game, considering the great OST and my preference for a good story over gameplay, I decided that it deserves a 4 as a great end to a influential video game series. It obviously was intended to be THE END so I'm not really into these English (bleh) fan projects to make a "sequel". Just call it something else, geesh.
Just one of the many great tracks, check out the 8-bit version too
Also, it's STILL not localized for obvious reasons. For a game with graphics that look like it's some sort of edutainment kid's title, I'm sure parents wouldn't be so happy about the themes of animal abuse, nor you playing as a kid, making out with trans-gender mermaids and hallucinating on some shrooms. Considering the fact that we're apparently too sensitive to hear some wacky sound effect for punishing children, localizing MOTHER3 would have required more censorship than a boobie Compile Heart game even IF Earthbound had sold well (yeah not exactly oodles of Earthbound floating around on ebay). I mean, seriously Cero A rating?? Sure, if you want to traumatize some poor kid about mortality but c'mon really.
But Daren, aren't shrooms just vegetables? Doesn't count right??
Those Earthbound fans clamoring for an official English localization probably have never played this game. (Well duh, if they did, why would they still care?) While I wouldn't totally write off a possible digital English release, given the fake kid friendly image NOA is trying to maintain, I feel pretty safe putting this one on the official Jhipster smugness approved list. It's only been 11 years though, maybe they'll localize next year?
Jhipster smugness approved!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Somehow, I had never heard of Gitaroo Man until this month as it comes free with PS Plus. Now, I would never waste my precious money on these "free" games that are only playable if you continue paying each month but Play Asia had multiple promotions making PSN yen really cheap and there was some PS plus discounts that were worth more than the cost of a month of Plus itself and ANYWAY, long story short, how the FUCK have I never heard about Gitaroo Man until now? I mean, Koei published a rhythm game?? Whoa!
Awww yeah, time to fuckin' battle with MUZAK!!!
Gitaroo Man Live! is the PSP port of a PS2 title that to briefly sum up, is everything I wished Parappa the Rapper was but is obviously NOT. Yeah yeah, Parappa is way older and the first of its genre, blah blah sure but still doesn't change the fact that Gitaroo Man is an awesome game.
The single player story only has 10 stages so in terms of volume, there's not much more than Parappa and I was able to beat it on Normal mode in a couple days. However, my main gripe with Parappa wasn't the length but the fact that the game was broken. I watched a perfect play of a song and the rapping parts don't even match up to the song. On the other hand, Gitaroo Man's gameplay is spot on. While things get really hard, pretty darn fast, if you practice and get used to the frantic pace of the button presses, you can get through... at least on Normal mode.
Gitaroo man is lucky he didn't have to battle tenor sax, master race... instrument
Everything about the story was top notch, unlike Parappa, whose message seemed to be "You gotta believe!" and if you do, you can get away with doing whatever stupid shit you want. This game is about believing in yourself and what you can achieve with self-confidence. I loved the voice acting, especially Puma and Kira and the playful, colorful graphics were great. As a once avid Tenor sax player before I got busy with real life, (ahem yeah real life like Gitaroo Man? Shuddap!) I'm also totally a sucker for the idea of battling opponents in a music battle.
As enjoyable as this game is, the tiny tablet sized Vita buttons killed my thumb. I never really liked the stupid tiny Vita buttons and it really makes its annoyance known when it comes to frantic rhythm games. It might be why Vita got stuck with DJMax Tecknika touchscreen bleh instead of the #BAE portable shit. Still, the PSP has that shitty nub of a analog stick so I don't know if that would be better. I would say go for the PS2 version but then you'd miss out on the two new co-op songs in Live!
Apparently the inspiration for Vita button design
So until Stage 9, I was going to give this game a score of 3.5. but the whole story with the legendary theme filled me with so much hype and emotion that hasn't been matched since watching the ending of Crossroads so many years ago, that I instantly upgraded this game to a 4. This is a great game and if you don't agree with me, well then, you're probably some sort of music philistine listening to Britney Spears or whatever the kids are listening to nowadays. (Yeah, I'm old, I GET IT!)
Crossroads: It's like Karate Kid but way better and with Devils.
I'm still working on the game in Master Mode as it's no freakin' joke. Of course, it doesn't help that my thumb is practically flat after a few hours of this game, stupid Vita tablet buttons. And I still have to check out the two Live! exclusive multiplayer songs. Since I have no friends, I'm going to see if there's a way to play it by myself in adhoc mode on the Vita. Anyways, while short, any fans of music games should definitely give this one a try as it's a great game. Wouldn't it be great if we got a full HD remake on PS4 with trophy support? Naw, let's remake shitty Parappa instead. Bitter? Who me?
Score: 4 I probably should've learned guitar instead of accordion, then maybe I'd have my own Pico-chan out of 5
As a Jhipster, I did take a brief look at some English gameplay and man, the voice acting is a severe downgrade. It's stupid they call him "You One". His name is Yu-ichi which of course is a pun but you know, I guess that doesn't work so well in English. Anyways, best to stick to the Japanese version, AS USUAL.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
I'm not exactly a expert gaming historian (if you haven't noticed by now) but according to Wikipedia, PaRappa the Rapper is supposedly the first modern rhythm game. I guess that's why I can't fault it too much for being such a SHITTY GAME.
First of all, the entire game has a total of 6 songs and I was able to beat it in under an hour if not closer to 30 minutes. Not only is the game incredibly short but the biggest problem is that the small amount of content ISN'T EVEN FUN!
I've played my share of rhythm games and this is the first one I've played where I don't even know why I'm sucking. The correct timing is still a mystery to me but I can say for sure that it's not based on the buttons on the screen. I mean, it's cool that the button presses actually make PaRappa rap but don't bother trying to do it according to the timing bar. The interface is awkward as well when the buttons are on two lines. The 6th and last song even has spots where you basically have to memorize the next button since it just pops up out of nowhere.
It's almost criminal how many better rhythm games there are (*cough DJMax cough*) that don't have nearly as much name recognition as this pile of poo. And yet here we are with an upcoming PS4 HD remake of so far the worst rhythm game I have ever played. If you don't believe me, try the demo available on PSN right now.
The HD remake nobody needs but hipsters will still buy I'm sure
Also, as a Jhipster, there is absolutely no reason to import this one as everything is in English. Unless for some weird reason, you wanna see the translated Japanese lyrics.
I'm not a weeb! I just thought there would be a Japanese song version!!
Score: 1 I hope I get my money back selling on ebay out of 5
While I don't condone piracy, I really should've checked out an ISO or something before wasting my money on buying this sucker. Thanks to it's totally unfounded name recognition, at least I hope I can sell it for as much as I paid for it.
Just trying to point out the title for my ebay listing
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
I really wanted to like Osawari Tantei, I really did. The game had me sold from the get-go just with the cute cover art alone. Combined with the fact that I'm already heavily invested in the nameko franchise, I'm probably the most biased customer Success would ever find. However, no matter how much I tried to like this game, it just wasn't very good.
You had me at hello.
First of all, this adventure game doesn't even have a single puzzle. This is more the old-school adventure game where the only puzzle is combining and using things in your inventory except... it doesn't even really do that!
I mean out of the 4 cases included in the game, the first case has some item puzzle solving and the 2nd case gets a bit tougher in terms of figuring out what you need to do as well.
Enjoy solving puzzles while it lasts (spoiler: it doesn't last very long)
But just when you expect case 3 and 4 to bring things up a notch, it's almost like the developers stopped caring because the last two cases consist almost entirely of visiting the same 6 locations OVER AND OVER, talking to various people in order to trigger an event to progress the game.
This game isn't exactly open-world to put it mildly
Another problem is that while the characters are cute in a weird emo way, they are totally one-dimensional. I enjoyed the first and second case but by the time I got to case 3 and 4, it was just kind of more of the same. Combined with what seemed like a total lack of effort in the latter half, the game was quickly wearing out its welcome, which is really bad for a short game that took less than 10 hours to finish. I have to admit though, the fleas in case 4 were pretty damn funny. Definitely the highlight of the game.
There are additional extra puzzles and whatnot you can do besides the tutorial and 4 main cases but at this point, I just don't feel like playing it beyond the game end credits.
In theory, this game should've been totally up my alley, but it really wasn't.
Score: 2 sometimes just being cute isn't enough out of 5 (9 hours to beat)
I really wanted to like this game and I did in the beginning but ultimately, I just ended up hoping that at least the two sequels are much better. If anything, the Nameko franchise that came about from this series seem far more successful for Success (yeah, I had to go there). Nameko has tons of merch, anime, children's books, games, you name it. This is great if you're like in elementary school or have kids. But yeah, as for me, I'll pop in the sequel 2 1/2 in the ol' DS sometime and hope for the best. Or maybe I'll even pick up the nameko 3ds rhythm game. (It's on my wishlist *wink wink*).
Get dat banana stand money!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
