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Saturday, September 8, 2018

Yahari Game demo Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru.(やはりゲームでも俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。)

Despite the fact that I appear to be a super professional expert of Japanese ADV games, I'm actually relatively new to the genre. After all, it took a bit a time to become a fully fluent, college reading level master of Japanese-foo moon symbols and all that jazz. Also it helps that the "pros" at IGNorant, Shitaku, PolySJW, etc. have as much knowledge as well... a room full of communication and media studies majors, which actually pretty much explains everything.

My master's thesis: "Protesting the tyranny of the graduate thesis patriarchy by submitting a single misogynistic image"

I kind of got off track (once again) but what I was trying to say is Yahari Game demo Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru. aka Oregairu aka Hamachi aka blah blah SNAFU oh look at my creative writing degree! is the first light novel → anime → "interactive medium" adaptation ADV game I've played. Sure, I have a pile of oreimo, haganai, sakurasou no pet, etc. etc. in my Closet of Shame™ gathering dust but god forbid I actually try to play my shit. Nope, I'd rather boot up a digital PSN game in my never ending quest to make room on my tiny Vita memory card (FU Sony). I got it on a PSN "sale" (#broke) but fortunately, you can now get both this game and the sequel on the PS4 for the amazing price of $80! (TODO: add affiliate link for $$$).

If you want to see this CG without the text, you'll have to buy it yourself (or YT I guess)

I have to say, for my first "licensed" game, I was quite impressed at the quality and volume of content. I haven't read the light novels but I did watch both seasons of the anime and it was ok, I suppose. Honestly, it was so long ago I forgot most of it but I did appreciate that it wasn't another typical harem dry hump orgy like nisekoi, haganai, oreimo, SAO (barf), etc., etc., etc.

Maybe I should become an anime critique (#jk #NotALoser)

The story in this game takes place during summer break and of course you have your usual heroine routes with Yukinon and Yuigahama. For some odd reason, I found Yuigahama's voice annoying even though Kujou Karen from Kinmoza is one of fav characters of all-time. In fact, I would marry Naochan in a second if given the chance.

Fuck Yuigahama, where's Nao's route??

Anyway blah blah, more of the same shit as the anime. The REAL highlight of this game are the characters that didn't get much air time due to being a trap or not being in the same school (you're too old for junior high). Yes, it's back. IMOOOOUTO TAIMUUU! Nothing like JC (don't Google Japan that) incest action to- wait, who's banging on the door?!

Just to be clear, this is not from the game.
So yeah, if you liked Komachi and thought you wanted to see more of her than her brief scenes from the first season, this game is for you. You can enjoy living vicariously through an anime loner boy hanging out at home during summer break waking up your imouto for breakfast. #BUYNOW!!

Imouto "tehe" (≧▽≦)ゞ in PJs, what more can you ask for?

Or if you're into traps, funny enough but Totsuka is one of the Heroine routes and he has the most complicated route with the most CGs. Unfortunately, the scenario writer (and original author) kept things consistent and didn't take the non-canon ending chance for some real BL, which seems like a missed opportunity... if you're into that shit I mean, which I'm totally NOT! #120%Straight

Unfortunately, the game doesn't take it to the next level

I also appreciated that Hachiman was voiced as well since I'm American and get a severe allergic reaction to BIGLY words. I'm not one of those creepos who needs a silent protagonist to immerse themselves into the game so it didn't bother me one bit. Pretty much everything is voiced which is great for multitask audio drama style play except oddly for his lines in the silence breaker sections. This is a section where you have to pick certain lines to increase or decrease the heart meter within a certain number of tries featuring Live2D fancy graphics.

Jesus, enough with the fucking teasing!

You have to fail and succeed all of these for a couple trophies so it's kind of a pain in the butt. In fact, getting platinum on this game is nigh impossible without a guide IMO. While I was easily able to unlock all the endings and collect most of the CGs, to get every type of mail involved things like raising Totsuka's flag, leaving Yuigahama's dog Sable with Yukinon, fail a silence break with her and then take Sable for a walk with both Totsuka and Yukinon.

Ahh Subject: Re4 the good ol days before all this line stamp shit.

In fact, even the trophy whores on psnprofiles took at least 3 hours to waste their money for a fucking trophy. If you think about these people staring at their Vita for that whole time, skipping text, and selecting dialogue options without reading them, you can kind of get a sense of how fucking loser they are. For the record, I took my time enjoying the content off and on for over a year and 7 months so I'm totally NOT a loser.

Thanks imouto for the plat!!!

Score: 3.5 unfortunately, there is no Kinmoza game so you'll just have settle for this ten hour video out of 5

I would buy a Kinmoza game for reals

All in all, if you liked the anime and want to see more of it, in particular Komachi or Totsuka, you can't go wrong with this one. The story is more of the same, it's polished, and there's a lot of content for your Oregairu fix (you have a weird addiction).



Additional screenshots for the Imouto museum.


Oh hell yeah, I would post the CG after she strips but well, why don't you buy it yourself via my affiliate link? (TODO: add link to fund game hoarding habit)

Ah, the old "maybe we're not related so not incest?" imouto route trick

Uh oh... what's going on down there?

Totsuka has the most CGs to unlock (#TRAP)

I just want to know for sure if there's a penis or not. The public deserves to know! #TruthMatters


Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Megami Tensei Gaiden: Last Bible II(女神転生外伝 ラストバイブルII)

It's fitting that I finished Last Bible II just before Labor day because slogging through this boring RPG was quite laborious or as our most eminent and erudite statesman today would say, "much bigly labor (at the golf course)".

I just like to snatch me some Gorgon pu- uh... where is it?!
Now, the first Last Bible game was localized as Revelations Slayer Demon Gods Ultra Cross-fire Deathrays on Sharks... or something, whatever the 'merican marketing folks thought would sell. Yet surprisingly, NOA decided to ditch the series starting from this one. I dunno, maybe because the game starts with mass infanticide? I don't know what the problem is, Reggie? Do you hate the bible? Don't tell me you're one of those atheist anarchist Antifa violence, yes there will be actual violence people??

Hey mom, what does "dispose of all babies" mean?
As we all know, there was no ratings board back in the good ol' days so really how were the parents to know not to buy this for kids? After all, it has cute anime kids on the cover and you can barely make out the crowd of demons in the backgrounds. Oh yeah, sorry not demons, these are magical beasts(まじゅう)cause you know, think of the children!

Oh I'm sure she'll be crossing her arms in the game as well. It's for kids after all!
However, thanks to the magic of Nintendo's "emuparadise killer" eshop, we now know that the series went from Cero A from the first game to Cero B. Oh thank goodness parents know not to expose their kids to infant genocide until 12 years old... um what? Cero B for "Sexual Content"? Spoiler alert but um... there's no sexual content unless they're referring to the monster designs in which case what's different from the first game? Oh right, ratings are totally subjective and arbitrarily.

I heard a rumor there's a patch that unlocks some hot green tea!
Anyways, I guess I should get on to talking about the game but I honestly don't have much to say about it. It's just a boring RPG all round and yes, even though it's a Game Boy game, it just doesn't have much going for it even ignoring the primitive graphics.

Is this 60FPS? Cause 30 gives me migraine headaches...
While in the first game, you kind of knew there were going to be 3 Gaia Masters for your party, this game is similar to FFIV in that people come and go throughout the story. I might be exaggerating by even calling it a "story" cause yeah, events occur but they're just kind of random as you go from one generic town to the next. There's so many towns I don't even remember their names or care. I do have to say the highlight of the game is Safia cause she's a girl that was so naughty, they had to lock her up. I don't mean naughty in any sexual way though despite her attire (and the Cero rating).

Waaait! My pants!
They added a token demon magic beast fusion system and some other ways to grow demons such as carrying an egg and defending it from attacks. Honestly, I really can't think of a reason why you would want to play this game. I only made it through thanks to fast forward on my PSP err... I mean... they have fast forward on 3DS virtual console right? But yeah, seriously, save your 617 yen unless you have an unhealthy obsession with playing things in order.

Score: 1.5 let's see if this qualifies as an Adsense violation out of 5

Wide open arms, damn false advertising!

The game got particularly annoying near the end when it started getting coy about where you were supposed to go such as buying a certain type of claw to open a floating rock to get the Lapis. Thakfully, there was a playthrough on YouTube but then I had to wonder why I didn't just watch the rest like the kids these days.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely