Super Paper Mario

This is going to be a short post because platformers are not really my kind of genre. However, Super Paper Mario has so much story and a leveling system, I guess I might as well blow some steam on how much this game sucks.

First of all, the story is incredibly boring, cliche, and just goes on and on. I feel like there's a Nintendo template file somewhere in their offices which is copy+pasted for pretty much every single one of their games. They just need a thin premise substantive enough to whip up a villain and end goal to justify the game. Which is fine for them I guess but combining that shallow template with line after line of dialogue was just disastrous.

The game tries so hard to be funny but it just ISN'T. I mean is this game supposed to be funny for kids? Not only is the humor too simple to be funny but the themes are weirdly adult. Even poop jokes would be preferable than this material that seems targeted at a mysterious group of fully grown adults with the maturity level of teenagers.

Trying to be clever with galge parody.... ha ha ha I guess for the kids???

The worst "joke" is when you have to sit there, jumping 100 times to press a button. HAHA Nintendo, thanks for wasting my precious time. That's hilarious!!

No really, USE the shortcut cause it's not fucking worth it (HINT: it's the disc eject button)

In addition, the puzzles are incredibly challenging for a game that's supposed to be Cero A. While I'm always game for some puzzles, somehow, puzzles on a platformer just didn't do a thing for me. Staring at a puzzle and working it out on pen and paper yes. Aimlessly walking around in a platformer of all things trying to find the hidden 3D path or some spot to point your wiimote at... um not so much.

In fact, the only time I was actually having fun was a brief segment where you fly around in space and shoot stuff. I should've taken the hint and played Ke-Tsu-no-ana instead. Ke-Tsu-no-ana is probably a way better experience and maybe even better smelling than this pile of poo.

The only brief part that I enjoyed.

Score: 1 yes, lighting your fart on fire IS funnier than this out of 5 (23 hours to beat)

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

FLOWERS

This was my first time and I wasn't sure how it would turn out at all but I was undeniably curious. It started all very gentle with graceful hand holding and innocent smooches at first and I couldn't wait until what happened next.

I'm talking about playing a Yuri game for the first time of course. DUH! As soon as I saw the cover of FLOWERS I knew I just had to try it just based on the art style alone and it definitely does not disappoint in that department.

Poor girl, can't choose? Bring both your friends and let's figure it out "together" HEH HEH HEH

Not only does the art look great, but the voice acting is superb as well. You can always tell you got a good cast when one person voices a set of twins and yet still manages to make each character distinctive and easily distinguishable.

Voiced by one girl (HAWT I'm sure)

The music is pretty good too. The in-game music is mostly tasteful classical and pleasant BGM that stays out of the way but the OP and ED were great as well.

OP with Shimotsuki Haruka? HELL YEAH
This is not one of those typical PC eroge that get all the smut and nasty ripped out for the Cero C consumer port. Both the PC and Vita version don't have any kind of sexual content whatsoever. Of course, that's how I prefer it since I'm such a CLASSY gamer that hates boobs and sex.

Playing through FLOWERS, I could feel my stress levels instantly go down as I relaxed with the shenanigans of shy and gentle otome trying to get along in an all-girl boarding school. Sure, if you just want to rip heads off and do other barbarian, brutish activities, this game may seem a bit boring to you. However, for us CLASSY gamers who hate sexual stuff but somehow totally into seeing two girls kiss, there's a lot to like in this game. Especially for those filthy, filthy trophy hunters.

Unlike the 90% of people who "beat" under 20 minutes, I actually played through this game.

While the ending was very unsatisfying given that this is a 4 part series (ugh, I'm gonna need to buy THREE MORE of these??), overall, I thoroughly enjoyed my first foray into the world of Yuri. I can definitely get into this genre.

Oh yeah and for non-jhipsters, there is an official English release on PC amazingly enough.

Score: 4 yeah, maybe I scored this one just a tad high but the first time is special after all out of 5



Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely