The Legend of Zelda（ゼルダの伝説）

Well it's the end of the decade and what better way to end it by playing a classic that is now over 33(!) years old: Zeruda no Densetsu. What a great way to make myself feel freakin' old that is! Yes, here at Jhipster blog, us humble gamers take pride in not playing all that fancy new shit. I didn't buy any new games this year and put them into a hoarder box still sealed and untouched. Nope, totally did NOT do that.

Anyways, I was working on my 1988 GOTY list, checking out Fire Bam on the FDS that vaguely resembled Zelda II and then remembered I never played the first one and so here we are a few days and 7 hours of gameplay later and I'm happy to report that this 33 year-old, out of shape beer belly, middle age crisis Tesla buying game still holds up really well! And no, that description has absolutely no bearing on my personal appearance whatsoever!

Getting off my fat arse to switch to Disk Side B not shown here

This Famicom Disk System launch title really does justify buying an FDS at the time in Japan. The poor Japanese kids wouldn't get the FC version until 1994, years after the Super Famicom was already out! Sure, you have to flip the disk and deal with loading, but it's an amazing game for its time and even more so considering it was one of the launch titles on the system. Now, I obviously haven't played every game before 1986 but I have to believe this is the first action adventure game of this type.

"1 star, don't speak fucking french" -review on Amazon Japan

The title screen has a quick summary of the setting and story in English, I guess because it looks cool? Amazingly, it is grammatically correct and gets the point across. At least they were nice enough to ask you to look at the "book" in their customers' native language. I'm assuming they're referring to the game's manual.

Which button do I press to see this book?

Fortunately, due to the re-release of this game on the Famicom mini console, you can read a beautiful scan by Nintendo themselves (how nice!). I took a look at the English version and they "erroneously" translated Zelda's wet nurse Impa as a "nursemaid". Talk about discriminating against a perfectly legitimate and reputable profession. Time to go wild on Twitter! #CENSORSHIP2019 #BOYCOTTNOW

Kanji for "breast" + "mother" = "wet nurse". See, Japanese is so EASY!

I've always been intimidated by this game as you have pretty much almost full reign of the overworld map with no clear direction on the next destination. There's no giant rock blocking most of the way here until you get the right item to progress, this is old-school. However, playing with a guide, this game is probably just as fun as any of the more modern Zelda games. I don't feel bad about using a guide (sparingly) because honestly some of the hidden shit screams "please subscribe to Nintendo Power" marketing to me. For example, I don't think there was any hint on how to find the Magic sword.

Sure this one was easy to find but try to find the Magic Sword (Google time!)

Once you know which trees to burn with the candle and get a better sword and tunic, I found the difficulty was pretty fair though most of the bosses are pretty easy. I mean of course it is, you play a character that can burn a fucking tree with a candle for god's sakes! The hardest dungeon is probably the 6th level. That weird jelly enemy that steals your magic shield was SO ANNOYING.

The fact that you can only save when you die also really made it hard for me to put the game down (literally). I played the GBA version so no sissy save states or "life of luxury" mode for the privileged kids. Nintendo nowadays is all kid family friendly with the, "oh maybe you should take a break" messages. However, in this game, after you beat a dungeon, you get back all your health as if to invite you to keep playing and that's what I did instead of going to work or being a responsible member of society. Great game, thanks Nintendo!

Score: 4 breast moms out of 5 (7 hours to beat)

Great innovation! Ok, time to make like 20 sequels now!

I have to hand it to Nintendo here. They managed to create an entire new genre on a system launch title, which is really impressive. The open world exploration, smooth and fun action gameplay, this is a game that really wouldn't work on the PC-88/98. Ys doesn't come on PCs until a year later and it's choppy as hell. I missed out as a Sega kid, and only vaguely remember the snake from Golvellius at some other kid's house but I'm pretty sure it's not as good as this game.

There's also great replay value with the second quest after you beat the game for the first time. I haven't played the second quest yet but I still think it's amazing that they included a remix of the whole game. They certainly don't do that anymore at least for free. (Hard mode DLC only 800 yen!)

I definitely think for 1986 in terms of innovation, this deserves a 4 star great game score. The only minor downside is the fact that you need a guide and a lack of variety in the music. The overworld and dungeon themes are great, they didn't grate on my ears even after hours of gameplay. But those are the only two songs you hear the whole game except for the intro screen, the last dungeon, and the ending credits.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

The Super Dimension Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love?（超時空要塞マクロス 愛・おぼえていますか）

If one of my many, many readers were to ask me which I liked more, Gundam or Macross, I would definitely have to go with Macross. As my long-time readers are aware, I like music so that's a no-brainer for Macross. I also think the battles with Valkyries are cooler, the way they transform to take advantage of each form etc. Though I'm not quite sure the point of the half plane/robot form.

So far, I've only watched the first Macross TV series (all 36 episodes!), Macross Frontier, and the first movie from which this game is based on. The movie is pretty good though the plot is obviously super rushed to fit 36 TV episodes in under two hours. The soundtrack is awesome and the old school hand drawn battle scenes are simply amazing with intricate details we'll likely never see again with all this fancy computer shit these days (old man grumblings).

God, I love this 80s shit!

As for the game, I played the PS1 version and it is a pretty good looking side-scrolling shooter. It also summarizes the movie in between levels with a mix of short animated clips and some audio narration. You may want to watch the movie first before playing the game unless you really want to save yourself time from watching the movie.

Intro cutscene in the game actually takes place before the movie

So yeah, the presentation is pretty good and it plays ok as a game. However, there's only like 11 levels and you can literally beat the whole thing in a day. As a busy, pro reviewer, I love that I can finish the whole game in no time and put it up for sale on ebay. Being a shmup (EXTREMELY RARE!!! BID NOW!!!), I'm hoping to make a little profit by selling this back. Sooo glad I didn't waste that money on an S&P 500 ETF fund, making market average returns like a real adult.

The graphics are pretty good for a PS1/Saturn game

Now, I'm not like a super expert shooter gamer. Sure, I played the shit out of Astro Warrior as a kid and almost beat U.N. Squadron (rented, never owned unfortunately) and as a typical gaming hoarder, I have a stack of games to play one of these days. But even as a novice to the genre, I really wouldn't say this was a good shooting game. It's more about experiencing the movie via a video game like one cool part where you play it sideways. (Is playing a side-scrolling shooter on the side actually like playing it straight? Here at Jhipster Gamer, we tackle life's most important questions!)

1st level again, I assure you I beat the game, just not on an emulator for screenshots #FakeGamer

I mean, yeah, it's technically a game. For instance, you can change forms and I guess it kinda matters because only the robot form can shoot backwards and when the boss is in background but really, it doesn't matter for the most part. Mostly, you'll just be constantly holding down and releasing the square button to fire like a million missiles. There's also not a lot of room for you to maneuver because you take up so much of the screen. This becomes particularly apparent when the Meltrandi show up.

Score: 2.5 prepare to be humming those damn catchy 80s tunes for a while out of 5 (optional 0.5 bonus Jhipster smugness points for never having to know what the fuck Robotech is)

Captain, we have Harmony Gold USA on target, permission to fire?

Overall, despite not being a very good game, it's a pretty nice package as long as you didn't pay full retail price for a few hours of gameplay. I played through it twice on normal and hard and I was like, "Meh, I guess it was fun." At the very least, it gave me a good reason to finally finish watching the movie. I felt bad for Minmay, I would definitely marry her or even Iijima Mari if she wasn't like 60 now. Sigh...

Oh man, if I could travel back in time...

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely