Estpolis Denki（エストポリス伝記）

What is Estpolis Denki? Oh my god, is this another 16-bit "hidden" gem that only Jhipsters had access to in the 90s??? Calm down, it's just Lufia on the SNES. Sometimes after hours of hardcore twitch reflex games such as Dark Souls "Prepare to cry to your mommy, we're so hardcore edition", I feel the need to just zone out on a tradition "hold down red button to win" Super Famicon RPG, and boy is this one as traditional as it gets.

Rare instance where Japanese cover is not better

So yes, this was localized to English and has plenty of reviews out there, all of which will mention that the game starts with the final boss. I vaguely remember some other game that did this before or maybe it was this one when I played it way back in the day. In any case, I don't remember so it's fair to say that it was a pretty fresh idea in 1993. So much, in fact, why not slap it right on the box for us dumb Americans?

Battle in opening story? Good, cause I only do battles and don't read so good

To be fair to the cringe marketing, the game does make a great first impression. The opening scene graphics and music are really good. Unfortunately, I think it serves to make your expectations too high for the game to ultimately deliver on.

This might work on journos that don't actually play the game

To set the context, this game came out on in June of 1993. This was a year after Final Fantasy V and Dragon Quest V, so yeah it might not be fair to compare it to such big franchises but I would say this game falls squarely in the B tier similar to say Breath of Fire, which came out 3 months prior to this game.

First of the 4 first "final" boss fights

Besides the nice intro, the story has some cool ideas and themes. For example, one might be reminded of one recent popular manga/anime as only the elf from the hero's party survived 90 years after the intro battle. As for the ending, I won't spoil the story but there is a reason why the game title was localized to Lufia.

So while the story had potential, unfortunately, the writing and dialogue was not great. There's nothing wrong with it necessarily but I can't quite figure out why it seems a bit cringe. The character's dialogue all sound like they were written by the same person and they don't really stand out as different people. It's times like this, I'm glad I read the original Japanese so I know it's not a problem with translation.

Lufia is a slightly annoying, girly girl that loves flowers and dresses and yet still more interesting than the hero who has absolutely no distinguishing character traits. The cheeky half-elf Jurina was my favorite character and I looked for a good illustration but the game manual doesn't have any. The only one I found online was one pixiv fan art.

There's an interesting blog post from the localizer that talks about having to change the dialogue about medicine that makes your boobs bigger. The dialogue was so dumb it was funny but not in a good way.

Uh oh, can't talk about boobs in America!

The conversation goes on to where Lufia claims she has bigger breasts than Jurina. The main character is like, "well I dunno, not like I ever saw em" and Lufia retorts, "you can't tell over the clothes?"

Hmm, I can't tell either from the pixels. Need a Unreal engine 5 remake with proper "physics" 😉

I guess the localizer changed it to hair tonic or something cause you know, "Think of the poor children!" I also liked the fact that you could buy hard alcohol without the game really getting into how old the characters are. It also restores your health, so remember kids, there's nothing like some whiskey to improve your health!

Don't worry Nintendo America, alcohol is old news we got fentanyl now (T⌓T)

As for the battle mechanics and dungeons, there was nothing special. It's standard fare, where the only magic I used was to heal now and then. Sure, for bosses, I might buff to make things easier, but it was as vanilla as it comes. I do appreciate vanilla RPG with fast forward when I'm in the mood though.

Score: 2.5 breast tonics out of 5

Overall, the game had potential but the writing just did not do it for me. The music was not bad so I enjoyed it for what it was but I would put it in the average or slightly below average category. I would recommend if you are on the mood for a traditional SFC RPG grind. Trigger warning for those insecure about their bra size.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely

ARETHA（アレサ）

ARETHA is a GAME BOY RPG that came out in late 1990, and the English spelling of the title can't help but make me think of Urethra. And if a tube full of piss isn't the best way to describe this game, I don't know what is.

Yes, that's the official title

Putting aside the questionable decision to romanize "Aresa" as ARETHA, one might certainly be tempted to buy this game based on the cover. I suppose it did well enough to spawn a whole series?

This game did come out only one year after the GAME BOY's launch but I've played enough RPGs on the GAME BOY to make a fair comparison. Heck, the first SaGa game came out almost a year before and was WAY better than this headache. It had amazing innovative features like being able to talk to NPCs in the same screen! 

If only I could see the dialogue IN THE GAME...MIND BLOW

I vaguely remember finishing this game on an Anbernic GAME BOY shaped device in a stupor while shoved in what seems like ever shrinking economy seats on a plane. This year, I went a little crazy with Chinese Android handhelds because I freaked out about tariffs. BTW, speaking of tariffs, every time I post about how shit the world has become, it seems like we figure out a way to make things even worse.

GOOD JOB MERICA! WE DID IT!!!

Anyway, the only thing that motivated me to finish this game was being stuck in a metal box thousands of feet above the ground. The mechanics are so broken, I couldn't even enjoy old school grinding.

If you fight too many enemies, they disappear until you enter a new area. Then it changes to new enemies that more often than not will totally destroy you. And since the previous guys disappeared, there's no way to grind on weaker enemies.

Thank god for save states because there were times I had to keep retrying to get less enemies that I could handle because multiple enemies were a death sentence. They can pound on you for multiple consecutive turns without giving you a chance to do jack.

I can never decide which color scheme to use with GB games...

The game was filled with the usual fetch quests but often with weird and very expensive random items you had to buy in towns.

The main character pops in at random times and reminds you what to do but at some point, I missed giving something to someone and I was almost ready to give up even following a guide.

Jema is not actually the main character but I can't tell the difference 

The story could have been kind of interesting but there were so many fetch quests, I literally had no clue what was happening. Not to mention weird and baffling game design decisions for instance, the inn keeper would often be out so you just have to go back in and out a few times. What's the fucking point?!

Where's the fucking manager?? I'm going to change my character's name to Karen

Your grandpa heals you for free at the start but of course that doesn't last long. You can withdraw some money from an ATM (huh?) like 30000 pera to start. But the money scale was so wack, I didn't even feel like counting all the zeros for stuff that costs 26500000 pera or whatever. Huh, where's the commas, you ask? Lol, what you think this is PS5?

Grandpa looks younger than me, fuck I'm old 

The menus and UI are just shit as well. I guess I can't be too harsh. I can only hope that one day, somebody can figure out how to show you which weapon is for who and whether it's better than what you have equipped or what each items do. I can dream, can't I?

No idea how much Healing B is better than A and no I don't give a fuck

At least according to the guide, DEF actually has no effect on your damage. It said don't waste money on armor so I guess that's one less thing to worry about. Innovation!!

The music is pretty mediocre, like I've heard worse but the GAME BOY already demonstrated how good music can be on the device with games from 1989 and it's not up to par. Yeah, I've heard worse when it comes to game music so it's ok, I suppose? You spend most of the time hearing only a few of these tracks though so it gets old pretty fast.

It has music, so yeah... it's there.

I followed the guide and fast forwarded through until I got to the climax final end, which consisted of fighting like ~15 (or so I lost count) regular enemies you encountered already and was blissly freed from ever having to play this game again. Yes, you read that right, you don't even fight the final boss.

Yeah, I finished this game... Sigh I dunno man, I'm dumb

Score: 1 "I'd rather pay tariffs than play this shit (JK, China's supposed to pay right? Still waiting for the check)" out of 5

I can only hope playing this game was worth it as maybe the rest of the series is amazing (doubt). Not that I remember the story anyway.

I love quirky mechanics as much as the next person when it works but there's a fine line between quirky and broken. Actually no, this game just sucks, slightly better than Avalon Code, but that's not saying much.

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely