I probably beat FF4 more times than any other RPG as a kid. I definitely remember grinding all my characters up to level 99. Oh to be a kid again and have all that time to waste! I don't remember if I owned the game or rented it but it would be quite an achievement to grind to level 99 on a weekend. Gotta love them negligent parents! Back in my day, parents didn't need to watch or love their kids. Look at me, I turned out just fine!
Parental neglect has never been more hilarious!
I decided to play the DS version this time because I heard it was the hardest version (cause I'm hardcore gamer). Right away, I could tell the difference in the first battles outside Baron. Each enemy took 2 hits to kill (or 1 jump) and they hit back for around 30 damage. Without using a potion, you wouldn't make it past more than 5 or 6 battles. Still, I felt most of the game was fairly balanced until the last dungeon. Phoenix downs are plentiful for a reason as bosses will kill your party members more often than not.
Yeah, shit is easy here but just wait...
This is the first FF game with the famed ATB (active time battle) system and while I didn't really think much of it at the time playing the easy type for westerners rpg newbs version as a kid, playing the DS version really ups the tension and excitement. For the harder boss battles, it becomes a race against time as you frantically revive your party members and try to time heals so that it happens right after they're revived and before the boss kills them again. In particular, there is one really cheap boss battle that starts with everybody dead except Cecil and someone (wearing green) who joins you last minute under-leveled as fuck.
Even the box art screams "easy type for whiney babies!!!"
The battle system in FF4 is one of the most innovative RPGs for the time which is why I'm really more in the FF camp over DQ because I appreciate when developers try new shit even if it's totally broken at times (*cough FF8 cough*). The ATB isn't the only thing to rave about. I remember being giddy with excitement when I figured out you can bypass reflect by reflecting spells on yourselves (or vice versa for healing). Don't forget about casting float for enemies that spammed quake, and that annoying dungeon where you couldn't use metal equipment. Sure FF3 had similar neat ideas such as casting mini to enter tiny dungeons but here it actually affects the game play and makes it so much fun to play (sometimes annoying too). However, it definitely falls behind other games like FF6 in the story department.
On the DS, the graphics are way shittier than this #PSP-fanboi
Playing as an enlightened Jhipster, I was hoping to be wowed by all the brilliant prose in its pure, unadulterated Japanese form. Unfortunately, there's nothing the English translation really left out in terms of story. Sure, no more "spoony" bards but 「黙れ、貴様！」 isn't exactly Shakespearean prose. It's funny how we used to think as kids that NOA was censoring all these naughty curse words with "spoony" but really Japanese doesn't have much in terms of swearing in the English sense. "Shut up, (derogatory and rude version of) you!" doesn't really translate to any kind of swearing. The "oh we're cool cause we didn't censor the curse words" fake marketing makes Barret from FF7 seem juvenile and sophomoric now.
The one big thing I noticed playing as a Jhipster is that the pub in Toroia is a freakin' hostess club! It never says it outright but there's a Mama on the first floor and the second floor is dedicated to pretty oneechans talking to men. I know a fucking hostess club when I see one (not that I've been to one cause ya know I don't gotta pay to talk to the ladies).
I bet Japanese script is "I'll kill you and fuck your skull!" #CENSORSHIP
I really enjoyed the story as a kid, what with you starting out as a cool black knight and the whole Mist village thing. As an adult, maybe it's because I played this game too many times but I felt that the writing was a bit too juvenile and the voice acting in the DS version was pretty damn generic. I mean c'mon, how many times you gonna let Kain's shit slide? Really?!
I mean seriously, C'MON!!
I really wished they had a hard mode for the PSP version because the graphics are way better and the spell effects look so cool. The DS is the usual pixelated mess of course. Yeah, it had some new mechanics such as the decant thing (shrug) and some token multiplayer feature that I naturally ignored completely having no friends IRL. If it wasn't for the lack of difficulty, I would suggest the PSP version over the DS any day (don't even get me started on the iOS port).
Score: 3.5 get these muthafucking spoony snakes off this airship! out of 5 (53 hours to beat)
Also includes all the time lost dying in the last dungeon #gitgud
FF4 was one of my favorite games of all time for quite a while. The original SNES version was one of the best looking, sounding, and funnest RPG of its time and would easy be a 4 or even 4.5 score. However, playing through the DS version again in modern times, I have to say that it's definitely a fun game to play but also a bit dated in terms of the plot. Still, definitely a classic that I would consider a must-play for RPG aficionados.
Still one of my fav boss themes to this day
Currently, I am enjoying the after years and actually intended to write about it here along with the main game. However, after playing the interlude for about 5 hours and 3 hours on the first scenario, I'm hoping there's enough content to justify a whole post by itself. We'll see.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
So I started playing Taiko no Tatsujin Portable 2 on the PSP soon after I purged the first one out of my collection and I have to say this one is gonna be really tough to dump because I actually really like the game. There's no better way to flash back to the good ol' days than playing some numa numa on the PSP.
YT before it turned to commercial pedo shit
First of all, the sequel has quite a few more songs than the first Taiko Portable, many of them recycled DLC put on UMD. It's actually not a bad thing because all the online stuff is dead so at least some of the lost DLC is preserved. Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised if many of the missing DLC can be found on newer Taiko games on some console. The first game would have been a lot better if all this shit wasn't DLC to start with. In fact, two of my favorite songs in this game were originally DLC: 画竜点睛 and 真・画竜点睛. I just loved those songs because it was actually music meant for taiko drums.
Not the PSP version but I'm too lazy to record my own
Anyway, it was a good trip back in time to 2006 nostalgia salaryman overtime years with Hirai Ken's Pop Star, slutty Koda Kumi, and who can forget MOSKAU soramimi flash vid for some extra nostalgia tears. For you kids, flash was how we old folks made funny videos because as far as we knew, it was impossible to stream video unless you wanted to torture yourself with Real (ass) Player.
Oh and don't forget those stick fighting flash vids!!
Aaaah, the good ol' days when J-pop wasn't filled with all this creepy ass idol predatory sales tactics using underage girls. Sure there was Morning Musume but I don't recall idiots buying and dumping hundreds of momusu CDs into the trash just so they can get some idol election votes, live concert lottery tickets, borderline prostitution hand shaking event, or whatever else they stuff in the CD trash. Top of the music charts indeed.
Score: 3 don't forget to sign up for the AKB48 app so you can get personalized text messages for a small fee from a teenage girl, no it's not creepy at all! out of 5
Um so yeah, so talking about games. Yeah, I had a good time with Taiko Portable 2. Even though I could only clear around 7 stars on Oni difficulty, I did get up to Tatsujin rank. There's also a story mode about a girl's piano recital which was cute, as well as, more mini games which you know, are mini games. Even though, as I said, the Taiko series isn't my favorite type of rhythm game, I definitely had fun with this one and will probably come back to it after I play through more of these games to knock out some of those 8-10 star crazy hard songs.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Let's talk about my gaming habits because this is valuable information that I must leave on the internet for prosperity. As you can plainly tell, I'm pretty far behind on almost every popular game series that has continued beyond the PS1 era. As I mentioned, I was too poor to have more than a couple games as a kid and I also had a pretty long blank when I was preoccupied with real life and trying to figure out jobs n shit. So these days, I'm mostly playing "retro" games (as the kids call em) while for some stupid reason still buying new shit cause you know, nowadays games are strictly, totally, "if you don't buy like RIGHT NOW it's incinerated so nobody else can ever have it" limited.
Oh I'm sure this collector plays ALL his games (wink wink)
Unfortunately unlike the hoarders collectors on social media, I can't afford a giant room filled with games so that means I often have to go through all the shit I bought and figure out what needs to go and at last we get to the topic on hand which is today's game: Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi II.
As I noted when I played the first game, these "games" are basically animes with a few selectable clips that can be beaten in under an hour. So when more packages showed up at my door, I knew it was time to go load this anime up and get it prepped for the Gamestop dumpster.
Liked the cover but you know, I ain't got a game room, much less a game house.
I don't know how well the first game sold (lol the poor sods paying 5800 yen on day one) but they were probably planning on this sequel anyway as evidenced by the sneak preview in the first game's omake. It's pretty much the exact same system and once again no way to skip segments you've already seen. In fact, I'm now starting to think the lack of skip capability was intentional as it would be pretty laughable to charge full price and have the poor suckers manage to watch every clip in a little over an hour.
Of course, that just means you're multitasking and waiting instead of just being done with it. In fact, because this game has 7 endings, 3 more than the original, it means even more time wasted. More endings would suggest that there's more content but remember the only difference is a short clip at the end. It has the same number of discs and is still essentially 2 OVAs depending on the first choice. This time you can either decide to stay in the city for the main scenario or go to the sea. Actually, two of the endings were tricky to figure out because you have to go through both scenarios.
What if you eat burritos instead of ramen? That could totally be a life changer! (not really)
At least in this final Momotenshi game, you get some kind of conclusion. I didn't get into the plot for the first game but the whole premise of your journey is that you are trying to find out why Momo was born from a giant peach. The first game pretty much ignored that objective in both stories so at least this time they answered some questions. Unfortunately, I couldn't give a rat's ass about Momo's biological origins so it was pretty much a mediocre anime once again. Oh yeah, I guess you can also enjoy like 10 secs of Suzuna's naked shoulders if that's your kind of thing.
This screen cap does not reflect the core values of this blog.
I noticed Otsu-hime (the girl/mermaid from the sea episode) was voiced by the same girl who did Yue in Memories Off. At the very least, I'll probably check out the drama CD just to get the full franchise experience.
Score: 2 wheeee time to go order some more shit on amazon jp!! out of 5
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Continuing my public service to the internet by providing witty prose about Japanese only games that no other English speaking person in his/her/popular-gender-neutral-pronoun right mind would play, here's part 1 of Iriya no Sora, UFO no Natsu. Fucking finally! I managed to slog, mostly half asleep, through this game, part of DS Dengeki Bunko series aka "oh wouldn't it be cool if the DS was like an ebook reader?" (The answer: not really.)
Kindle? Pfft, not nearly enough moe
While I normally play all my DS games on my New (not actually new) 3DS LL (Jhipster for XL), for games in TATE mode, the heavier model puts too much strain on my delicate gamer wrists so I usually bust out my regular 3DS for these occasions. For those not up on gamer terms, TATE is the weeb term for vertical screen（縦画面）primarily for shooters or shmups as the expert Youtube "gamers" (hoarders) call em. Speaking of shooters, this game comes with one in the form of a mini game that uses the touch pen to target enemies.
Extra weeb cringe if you pronounce TATE like Tater tots.
It was ok, about as good as you'd expect for a mini game hidden in a sound novel. I wouldn't exactly rave about it as some awesome shmup "hidden" gem to BUY NOW BEFORE PRICES SKYROCKET!! Or actually maybe I'll do exactly that as I'm looking to purge this one out of the collection. Anybody want my copy for the super fair price of $99.99?
There's also an annoying quiz mini game with questions about the story. Making even ONE mistake requires you to start over and while you can skip 5 questions they come back around again basically requiring you to memorize every single question anyway. Getting a 100% perfect completion is a fucking ordeal but it unlocks an extra side chapter. I know this because I played through the stupid quiz more times than I'm willing to admit to do a perfect run.
I actually read the whole thing and completed this quiz. Yes, I have no life.
All of the mini games are unlocked by finding cards that are hidden by tapping certain words of interest in the story. The cards naturally can be used for a card battle game that apparently supports up to 4 player multiplayer competition action. I would guess that 4 people with 4 copies of this game unlocked all the cards and got together to play against each other probably exactly zero times in this universe.
As for the meat of the game, which is the book, you can read it for yourself free, provided you're fluent in Japanese of course. I did like the artwork which is primarily the reason why I bought this game in the first place (yeeaah, I need to stop buying shit based on the cover). Unfortunately, the music and sound effects are unremarkable and totally forgettable. In fact, I forgot about them already.
I should've checked Metacritic first (pfft, ya right)
While the reviews are pretty good overall, personally this story was just not for me. It was perhaps too slow paced or maybe a bit too unrealistic for my tastes. I don't know what it is but it did serve as an excellent way for me to knock myself to sleep faster than popping some Benadryl. I really wouldn't recommend this one unless you want to waste 20 hours of your life. Or you can just watch the OVA anime through the magic of Youtube. (Content ID so totally legal, right?) In the end, I really regret wasting my time on this... Alrightly then, onto part 2!!
I'm not sure if I was awake the whole 18 hours...
Score: 2.0 but does it support TATER tot mode?? out of 5 (18 hours to complete)
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
You know, I'm just going to start out by saying that the Memories Off series has really started to grow on me. I know it's probably just a simple psychological reaction. When you spend about 100 hours through 3 lengthy games in the same setting, things kind of start to feel endearing and even nostalgic similar to the Trails series.
Spending 100 hours over 3 games (not for "pro" reviewers)
Speaking of Falcom, here we are on the 3rd game and I'm almost starting to feel like Shin is some galge equivalent of Adol. In the first game, he was your buddy in high school. In the second game, you happen to meet Shin after he dropped out of school and moved into the same building. He even got you that part time job over the summer at the family restaurant he was working at to save money to travel to India. This time, you play as a college student and Shin is a buddy that happens to be living nearby after he returned from India.
The guardian angel of galge guiding you to snatch some... um hush money? #MAGA
In the first game, you grew up with 2 girls as childhood friends and some stuff happened involving rain and whatnot. In the second game, you started out already with a girlfriend. This time, you start the game after your girlfriend left you 3 years ago without saying a word. She of course shows up out of the blue near the beginning of the game. Why did she leave? Are you going to somehow get back together or pick one of the other delectable girls you happen to meet? Are you going to be a two-timing asshole like the last game? You'll have to play to find out for yourself!
Oh geez Kanata, now my bed smells like another girl! Febreeze time! (not even joking here)
This game definitely feels a bit different in the beginning maybe because you no longer have a convenient school setting to meet with JKs everyday (damn riaju!) though rest assured, there are still some JKs ripe for the picking. Let's not get into the legal ramifications of being a college student dating JKs, these were simpler times. Or given that this is a clean game, maybe all you did was hold hands and smooch though I find that hard to believe.
16? Well, I guess it depends on which state you live in...
Kidding aside, this 3rd iteration of the series definitely seems more adult even though you're a privileged loser (#onepercent) whose parents apparently have enough money to afford your college tuition, living expenses, and your own private accommodations without you having to earn a dime. No awkward hand made sign to keep roommates out for shagging necessary. But I'm not talking about that kind of adult. What I mean is that the girls are literally adults and have grown-up people problems (eg finance) except for the Kashima sisters and Tama aka the "where the fuck are your parents?" JKs. In the end, this is indeed a Memories off game in all the ways that matter. Every girl has their own life issues and there are tons of great drama to be enjoyed.
But Neo, what about your little sister? You know, the one in a wheelchair???
You'll also have plenty of nostalgia time to see what some of the girls from the previous games have been up to. For example, Yue is still such a sweetheart, you can't help but fall in love with her again. I mean as the player, no you're not going to try to steal the first MC's girlfriend. That's a line the game doesn't cross.
C'mon Yue, ditch that loser from the first game!
Some of the characters are a bit too quirky for me such as Hibiki who seems to have about a first grade education or Tama who seems borderline mentally impaired, her communication skills are so bad. I'm saying that even as a die-hard fan Nagato Yuki fan. Some of girls routes are not as thoroughly fleshed out either. For example, I would have liked to have seen more dere from Isako-chan. Still, for me, this was my favorite Memories Off game so far and I found the true route really took things in a direction I didn't expect. Without getting into details, let's just say this game definitely has some of that rain theme going on. I also liked how this was less of just a straight up galge with a male cast larger than just Shin and one other guy.
Wow, we look so cool! I hope the girls are noticing!
This is another one of those games like most post 90s Japanese visual novels that starts off really slow and frankly kinda boring. However, I would say with the true ending and plot points from other routes that tie neatly together, it's definitely worth the initial slog. Fully recommended renai drama goodness especially if you've played the first two games.
Ahh, the good ol' days!
Score 4 no wait 3, but I can't seem to break up with 4, but 3 is such a sweet number, please 4 take me back after all! Ok, let's average it out to 3.5 #polygamy? out of 5 (36 hours to complete)
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
This year is off to a good start as I finally finished the first Neptunia game or rather the remake on the Vita. The original game was actually one of the first games I bought for the PS3 as my first foray into the brave new world of region free gaming. I was so naive back then it was almost comical. I assumed that because the Blu-ray format allowed adequate space for dual audio that they would be selling the same game worldwide. While that was true for some large publishers such as Sony and Sega, little did I know that most everybody else would still essentially region lock games by removing all Japanese text and thereby requiring you to import it anyway.
As usual, fuck NIS America
I remember returning the game to GameStop baffled. After all, why would you want to play in a language that you don't understand? As I had no knowledge of weebs at the time, it made no sense to read English dialogue while listening to Japanese audio. Watching YT, now I know most skip through without actually listening to the Moonspeak. It still doesn't make sense to me but oh well, I guess better to import rather than pay sales tax that'll go toward building a stupid wall anyways. #MAGA What was I talking about again?
Sugoi! I think I heard kawaii in the dialogue!
Oh yeah so anyways, while I thought the original PS3 title was cool at the time with the weird breathing chests, I dropped it when I had to wait for the Lowee continent to connect in order to cross over. Many years later and I finally beatRe;Birth 1, which is totally different from the first game save for the basic premise and plot.
I'm sure I don't need to go over the whole personification of the game industry shtick like every other review out there. I do want to point out that Neptunia is actually called Neptune in Japanese even going as far as using an uncommon katakana combination （テュ） to get the correct phonetic sound (instead of the standard "chu" sound). I have no idea why they changed the name. After all, the Sega Saturn was not called stupid Saturnia. Of course, we're not new to the idea that localizers do stupid things so let's just move on.
Not my problem since I'm fluent in Japanese. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
First, let's talk about the most uninteresting part of the game which is the story and dialogue. Yeah, it's fun for the first few hours to talk about console wars and how the goddess powers are derived from shares but I dunno, I found both Neptune and especially Compa's voices annoying. Sure, you got the queen of tsundere Mingos for Noire and I loved how MAGES. calls her assistant (Christina's VA from Steins;Gate) but a significant portion of the dialogue was a snorefest.
LOL 助手 (sorry non-jhipsters)
Coming from a guy that liked listening to hours of Yuri dialogue about tea and snacks, I have to say you can only talk about purin so much in one game. Besides the filler dialogue and silly gags, I found the main plot was pretty boring as well. Other than fun game industry references, I didn't get much from the story except the message that piracy is bad mkay?
I mean I love purin as much as the next gal but I don't pontificate about it
Fortunately, the game play is much more interesting in that it's just broken. IGNorant once again proves that their "pro" reviewers don't actually play the games they review as one of the few positive points was that this game didn't require grinding. SERIOUSLY?! NO GRINDING?? Did you even bother to finish Chapter 2? Noire is the first example of how broken the progression system is as she will DESTROY you right after another boss battle to add insult to injury. You really do need those life rings as they raise your HP to a ridiculous amount.
It's ok to admit you didn't play. Oh wait you get paid for this? ...oh
The interesting part about this game is that you can pick up specs along the way to tweak the gameplay. It's almost like you're changing the game as you go, adding new dungeons, stronger enemies, etc., which definitely does fit into the whole meta theme. There is technically a limit to how much you can change based on how much "memory" you have but I never got close to running out.
Luckily, IGN probably never got this far. They don't like panties.
As you progress, you can use specs to just lower or increase the difficultly but what's the fun in that? Mostly, I grinded a bit after unlocking new enemies anytime a boss was overpowered (which happens quite a bit). If you don't use those specs, you're going to be grinding for a LOOOONG time. To give you an idea of how ridiculous the balance is, a regular enemy near the end might net you a few thousands exp points while the strongest unlocked enemy I killed netted almost 800,000 exp points. The different in grinding might number in thousands of encounters.
Oooh look at all that booty... er EXP that is!
I also changed my play style once I got 6 characters and discovered that your linked party member's HP recovers over time. Because Compa dies so easily later on in the game, I just swapped members in and out instead of bothering to heal them. Burning a couple discs that prevent status ailments was also really helpful.
The boss battles in the first half of the game also tends to drag out as you have to whittle down their guard before you can really start to do damage. Fortunately, things got a lot better after I used the spec to increase EXE meter charge speed. You hardly ever get to see those flashy EXE attacks until you use that spec. Then you'll be using them all the time (thankfully skippable). A couple of EXE special attacks and you'll break down boss guards in no time!
Tekken-chan hard at work
I thought it was especially hilarious that one of Broccoli's EXE combo skill was Acquarian Age. Yeah I wasn't able to finish that game but I don't think even many Japanese gamers would get that reference. You'll likely crack a few grins from all the game references such as the obvious Metal Gear guy in a box, the DQ rainbow bridges, and Steins;Gate fake phone calls, especially if you're a pro expert gamer like me.
Aaaah Acquarian Age Broccoli reference. Somebody there knows their shit!
Score 3 hey isn't that character from that game voiced by the VA from that franchise that merged with that one developer that went bankrupt that my sister's cousin's husband used to work at? Cool reference! out of 5
This game was a pretty fun time but not SUPER compelling. The dungeons are small and easy to get around. I also like super quirky game mechanics that are playful (RIP Imageepoch) but the main plot didn't get me hooked. There are some good moments and fun characters such as Broccoli (she's adorable nyu) but it's hampered by Compa's super fake and annoying voice. The music was also unremarkable. Overall, it's an solid average enjoyable experience.
At least Broccoli was adorable nyu
The end credits was pretty boss. We gamers are suckers for retro pixel style.
Oh those crazy panty days before the holy ray Cali Sony purge... #Nostalgia
Remember the good ol' days when people wrote blogs instead of sharing fake FB news?
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
I know almost nothing about the Leaf brand of games because it's smut which I abhor but from what I can gather, they started out with a Mahjong trash smut game on the PC-88 and followed it up with a trash garbage smut RPG after which, they released three heathen trash garbage barf filth visual novels called the Leaf Visual Novel Series.
RPG with memorable cast such as DURK BOLT, who also moonlights as pool cleaner and pizza delivery boy
Of course, I have no idea what most of these games are about and I wasn't able to find any screenshots probably because they were ignored by the wholesome internet community due to the filthy contents. As we all know, the internet HATES porn.
Girls from the Shizuku remake; I have no idea how this image got here.
All three games in the series were later remade with better graphics, full voice, and some with new characters, more endings etc. but unfortunately the first two games Shizuku and Kizuato are PC fap machine only. I avoided looking up anything about them in the fear that I might get inadvertently contaminated. Fortunately, ToHeart, the third entry was cleaned up for the holy rays "Oh Lord, please save us from sins of the flesh" Purestation.
I'm sure God will approve (or your diety of choice)
I'm afraid to say I had actually owned 3 copies of this game at one time until I purged my PS1 copy. Now, I only have the PS2 mega box and PSP limited edition exclusive UMD disc. Whew! Glad for the extra space!
No I don't have Trump tiny hands, this is actually the size of two PS2 games
While I know nothing about the first two games, Sizuku was kinda stupid with the whole denpa sex waves thing and at the same time extremely violent. Kizuato was also very dark and violent but it had a story line that seemed simple at first but actually had many hidden layers. In this game, I guess they were trying to go with something more cheerful and light-hearted or whatever but really it's just about the most vanilla, generic galge you can imagine. Like if DDLC was actually the game it pretends to be in the beginning but add a bunch more girls and you essentially have ToHeart. I could give it some slack if it was the first of its kind for innovation or whatever but no, it came out in 1997.
As dumb as Shizuku was, the music was not bad at all
I don't know if they were trying to ride the simulation Tokimeki/Sotsugyou bandwagon but going through each day of the calendar made the first run slightly more boring than watching grass grow. I'm actually impressed at how many ways they were able to describe getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, getting ready to go to school, etc. The all-ages remake is a lot better than the original 18+ version as it has auto mode but it's still mostly the same game except for a bunch of mini games inside the game. The shooting mini game is actually pretty good but I just wish you could skip it when you replay for all the numerous girls' endings.
Not bad for a game in a game
Once you reach one ending, you can skip all the daily routines (Thank the Lord!) and just go through picking the same girl at one of the 4 locations. The funniest route is definitely Remi due to her crazy American dad that carries a gun inside the house with live ammunition. The characters in this game definitely have a funny image of America probably based on the writer's impressions. After all, there normally aren't any car chases except that one time a car flipped over running away from the cops next to my house. And it's not like Americans all walk around carrying guns and firing them all over the place like fucking idiots... Ok... yeah... I guess it's pretty accurate after all. #ColdDeadHands
No real father would walk around with a dangerous rifle near children (looks up gun death statistics...) Oh.
Overall, I'm glad to be finally done with this yawn borefest. You would think in a setting with fully autonomous maid robots and psychic powers, things would be a little more interesting but nope. The only highlight is the voice acting and 90s anime nostalgia theme songs. My favorite girl was Rio just because she sounded cute. The various radio segments were cool too and bonus Jhipster points as it's not scripted and require near native listening comprehension (yours truly).
Needs more holy rays for the naked shoulders IMO
Score: 2 maybe the original sex scenes would have spiced it up but I guess we'll never know out of 5
While I'll never play the 18+ PC version, I can't help but wonder if Multi and other maid robots have you know... all the parts... for umm... various "functions".
All I could find of the PC version, you have idea how hard it is to find porn on the internet!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Well, that was quick! While I was going through my customary purge cleaning sessions in a desperate but ultimately futile attempt to make some more space in my Closet of Shame™, I came across a copy of Dancing Blade: Katte ni Momotenshi! (PS1 version). I kind of heard this "game" was short so I decided to pop it in and play through it before I toss it for the Gamestop dumpster divers and I'm now writing this 3 hours later. Even shorter than I imagined (always a plus for the pro reviewer #respectmytime)!
The blue "interactive anime" tag makes this a "game"
I'm not going into the whole hipster debate of what constitutes a game but straight up, this is basically 2 OVAs of about 30 minutes each with minor branching animation paths that lead to 4 different endings. In fact, the PSP version is just a plain interactive UMD Video. I would call this even less of a game compared to other animated adventure games where every other decision results in death (you know which game I'm talking about). It's literally just two anime OVAs with one short clip difference between the endings. Which OVA you "play" depends on your first decision to eat either Kibi dango or go to a restaurant. If you decide to eat Kibi dango, you watch the main story while the other option is kind of a fan service episode around Oinu (big boobs) and Kijime (even bigger boobs)
Aw fuck it, might as well watch
And that brings us to the plot, which is not exactly a Shakespearean masterpiece. You play some guy (voiced by Ogata Megumi-chan) surrounded by hot chicks whom you met by I guess whatever happened as shown in like 3 seconds during the opening song. Basically, it's like Momotaro but the dog, bird, and Momo are hot chicks and the monkey is some robot. Whatever, I'm not some Ebert anime reviewer but as animes go, it's about as unremarkable as you can imagine. At least the animation is pretty good and the transitions were almost seamless. The DC Complete edition seems to have a tiny bit more content but you have to hunt for it.
Pretty much half the game in a nutshell
The only real problem is that you can only skip the intro video. During the game itself, pressing start just prompts you to save and so be prepared to multitask as you wait for the animation to drag on to the next selection. Once you watch two of the endings, the rest of the hour or so will be spent watching minor variations and mostly waiting.
Score: 2 (well at least it's better than more SAO attempted rape scenes but that's just stating the obvious) out of 5
Besides the lack of skip option, there's nothing technically terrible about this anime but there's really no reason for this to be a "game". I will go with a 2 just based purely on the fact that it wasn't broken and the anime wasn't terrible but you can just watch the thing on YT or whatever. This will definitely be purged from my collection and so I have a bit more space to buy more useless shit. I guess onto the sequel!
Mission Accomplished!
The good ol' days...
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
I learned not to get swept up by internet hype especially since I STILL regret paying even a single cent for "oh look at me cover all the hipster selling points" indie title Gone Home. But as even my nephew recommended it, I guess I had to try Undertale at some point especially since I live in my sister's basement for free #MillennialMinimalistGamer.
What my room looks like minus piles of games, empty dew cans and hentai wall scrolls.
I decided to get this one on (my sister's) Switch during the recent #BLACKFRIDAYKILLERDEALSCLICKNOW!!!! even though I would have preferred to play this on the Vita. I skipped the Vita because digital games are region locked and I didn't want to waste the money and space on a physical copy. I'm not a weeb so I really didn't want to play this in Japanese and cringe at how they tried to translate all the stupid puns nor did I want to have to reset my Vita to NA region. The Switch version miraculously has no region restrictions and even comes with both languages. I'm sure glad I went the English route because the JP version doesn't look like it uses any Kanji. I guess what was an unfortunate technical restriction from the Famicon days is now some sort of weird hipster retro fashion statement. Fuck off.
Speaking of ぎじゅつ, have you heard of fucking Unicode?
Even in English, I noticed a weird usage of singular "they" to refer to the Player, which in our time was a sentence agreement grammar error. I thought it was an easy problem to fix by asking your gender but then I remembered nowadays that would be a PC nightmare with whatever popular genders youngers are identifying with this week. So yeah, I guess they don't have to worry about grammar no more and by "they", I was referring to me. So should I start talking about the game or finish off with another round of old man ramblings?
I feel like every indie game I played has at least one picturesque, scenic road. +1 hipster point?
Given how hyped this game is for reasons I cannot fathom except I guess not everybody has played 30 years of masterpieces that were never translated to English, the question is not if this game is overrated but by how much. After all, DDLC pretty much lived up to the hype for me so miracles do happen. Well, I'm happy to report that Undertale is only very mildly overrated. Unlike other shit hipster titles, this game actually has some substance and is even fun to play. The combat system is challenging and the music is really good all around.
The entire OST is good, which is quite a feat.
As for the story, it was pretty good and yes, I'd hate to say it but for the hipsters, it does have that Mother 3 vibe. I don't know if Toby played Mother but I wish he could have at least added a dash option like Mother 3.
I thought this was gonna be a place for some revelation but no, it's just where the boat takes you back.
To see the true ending, you do have to play the game twice but it's not that much of a chore since the game is pretty short. The characters were charming enough that I did feel bad about deleting the game but hey, what are their lives compared to the extra space so nephew can play the next trendy game?
Not everybody made it in my first playthrough (sorry lesser 🐕)
I think the story had potential to make this a 4 great game but I didn't quite get the narrative about the Player. I don't want to go into spoilers but yeah, I don't understand the reason for why you were still there.
Overall, it was a good game but I'm still glad I didn't waste my money on an overpriced physical copy. At least it's not published by Super Limited "you might need to suck some dick to get a copy" hipster publisher.
Score 3.5 out of 5 (played maybe around 5-15 hours even though the Switch knows the actual FUCKING number and no I'm not going to install stupid parental control app just for record of hours played)
I might have gone for a 3rd playthrough to complete the trophies but oh, Switch doesn't have trophies. How am I going to know I'm fully enjoying a game without trophies? And also, the Switch is fucking heavy to play in bed, portable my ass. Oh I guess I was supposed to stand it up and play with my (non-existent) friends IRL during a trendy party on my urban roof? Thanks Nintendo for making me feel inadequate. Ok, that's it for my mini Switch rant, sorry.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
