Metroid: Zero Mission（メトロイド ゼロミッション）

Up till now, I haven't played a lot of GBA games because my GBA SP didn't have a backlight. I eventually sold that off and I also didn't like how the cart stuck out of the DS lite (first-world problems I know I know). I also really didn't feel like buying MJR's "fuck me in the ass" $420 custom modded POS. (Oh wow, it's now on $ale for $399.99!)

Using Benjamins as toilet paper and lighting cigars is so 70s, is there a better way to waste it? Oh perfect!

While PSP emu kinda works for GBA, it has a lot of issues and also kills your battery but I think I found a way a perfect way to play GBA games with no emulation issues and a way better screen than MJR branded enemas. I basically marathoned through Metroid: Zero Mission in a couple days and it was a joy to play. No, I didn't play it on the Wii U because as we all know, the Wii U gamepad is a fucking lie and doesn't work more than 10 feet away from the console or even a single wall and the screen is shit to boot. Also, I didn't use emulation so no save states or screenshots.

Grabbed this from the eShop page but it looks exactly this good on my device

I got the worst ending because I played mostly blind and took my sweet time, finishing the game in a little over 4 hours. The total gameplay recorded was closer to 8 hours with restarts etc., but the game was pretty easy to beat on normal. I have not tried to replay it in hard mode yet but I may do so a later time if I feel the itch.

I never played the original FDS release nor the NES US version as I was a Sega Master System kid. I did however play the shit out of Zillion and it's a bit similar to Metroid except you can play as 2 additional characters after you rescue them. I vaguely remember only ever beating it one time cause it was hard as fuck.

I was playing this when all the other cool (mainstream) kids were playing Metroid

I did briefly try the original Metroid game because it conveniently unlocks after you beat Zero Mission and once again, I've confirmed that I'm not really a big fan of the Famicon. There seems to be a lot of slowdowns too. This GBA remake is great though. For one, you can point your gun down and it has all kinds of save points and health to make it easy for old people like me to play through.

The maps and power-ups were super well designed. For example, you have to go to a certain spot where you see some weird larva like thing and the game makes you backtrack in such a way you can see that the larva is empty later on. Of course, then it attacks you as a mini boss but the way the map was designed to be explored with the power-ups was fun. And no, I'm not going to fucking use that stupid term "Metroidvania" (ugh I just did).

Oh gross, good thing there's this wall in the way...

I also really dug the extra scenario they added after you beat the final boss from the original FDS game. I won't go into it cause spoilers only that the sprites are gewd. Some of the artwork in the new cut-scenes were a bit rough but hey, I can deal.

Score: 4 zero suit buttocks (the more the better!) out of 5 (7 hours to beat)

Overall, just a solid and fun game that I couldn't put down. Yes, it's kind of short and I did get stuck a few times in Kraid. I also struggled a bit with the boss in Ridley (is that an Alien movie reference?) because for some reason I thought you could only shoot when its mouth was open. Overall, this is just an awesome remake of a game I've been meaning to try for a long time now. No complaints or any flaws that I can point out except that the JP physical cart is way too expensive especially with box and manual. Oh well, who needs manuals anyway right, all major game publishers? We don't care about manuals, right mateys?! Arr!

Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely