I'm going to be real here for just a second and admit that yeah, the gamergate jokes are getting kind of a bit stale. I mean sure, it was a sad and pathetic showing for
mankind err... excuse me
peoplekind from both sides but c'mon, it was also freaking hilarious! But alas, every joke must run its course and I need to move on to something else (millennial jokes?). Now, what game was I going to talk about again? Oh fucking
Senran Kagura SHINOVI VERSUS? IT'S GAMERGATE TIMEEEE! Let's party like it's 2014!!!
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| Welp, there goes my Adsense $.015 per month ad revenue |
Just kidding, just kidding! Of course I'm not actually going to go full retard to rant and rave about the irreparable harm these evil vidya games are causing to our otherwise flawless society nor am I going to get all hot and excited about anime boobs cause c'mon, that's creepy as hell. Besides, putting up clickbait screenshots does nothing for me since they don't actually generate money. (That might explain why I haven't seen as much Shitaku clickbait lately though it's probably only because I haven't visited that hellhole in years.)
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| This looks bad but she's gonna get a check for $130G so it's totally cool. #MAGA |
No, what you're going to see is the top-notch, A-class, quality game journalism that you've come to expect here. The always purely unbiased review of these works of arts based solely on their artistic and functional merits.
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| This expression of iron will and determination from the strong female cast will serve as a great role model for future... um... panty designers? |
The first thing to discuss is the platform as I opted to stick with the original Vita version and not the PC version on Steam. I don't own the Steam version but I'll be happy to give it a try if anybody sends me along a review code, given how professional my reviews are and all. Ahem, going back to the Vita version, even though it looks pretty darn impressive for a 2013 portable game, it
does have load times that are long enough to get annoying. I've probably read the tips on the load screen a million times and I'm willing to bet at least few hours of my total game time were probably spent just waiting.
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| Too bad this isn't the loading screen to keep me "busy". Eww, that's gross! LOSER! |
This sequel does take place right after the events of the first game so I personally would recommend playing Burst on the 3DS first. The last boss in the first game is actually pretty cool. The director did say that a lot of people skipped the first game when talking about the remake:
Burst Re:newal so maybe you can start there? Nyu is of course, the Kanji for "breast", but I'm sure all my savvy readers got the pun.
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| How are you supposed to make money on your own in-product ad? Dumies! |
The plot in this game was actually surprisingly decent. Sure, there's a lot of filler about girls talking about candy birthday party etc., but it actually continues and resolves some of the plot points from the first game. It even ties together some events such as Katsuragi's parents with one of the schools, which I won't get into cause spoilers.
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| This game actually has some pretty good plot points. |
Minor story spoiler so skip the next section if you care...
I did briefly wonder why Yagyu wore an eyepatch from the first game and when Shiki guessed it sealed some sort of hiden ninpou, that's exactly the kind of thing you would expect from countless shounen manga.
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| Holy fuck, I thought this was supposed to be a happy game? (Note the Kanji for "head" and "mom"...) |
It's refreshing that it actually just turned to be a perfectly ordinary eye patch and as for the reason why she wore it... well let's just say that when Hibari asked her if she would wear another eyepatch for her if she died, Yaguu replied, "of course". Then Hibari realizes that she won't be able to see and they both laughed but I just imagined Yagyu deciding to give up her eyesight to remember the death of close ones. Seems pretty tragic. It really made me reflect on the importance of appreciating your loved ones and their safety and happiness.
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| The story really makes you think... about life...n stuff... |
As for the gameplay, it was pretty easy but also satisfactory button mashing. I was genuinely surprised that they were able to pull off not just one but TWO more schools essentially doubling the number of playable characters from the first game.
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| Yawn, boooring! Bring out the new girls! |
All 20 characters play pretty distinctively too such as Yozakura's delayed gun fists or Hibari's infinite butt bounces. The game was easy enough that I almost never got to use the Zetsu Hiden Ninpou as it requires you to be low on health. Eventually, I spent an hour of so with all the characters just to see the ninpou for fun such as the giant strawberry cake move.
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| I hope some kid doesn't try this at home for clicks. |
Maybe if I played online with some human players, I would see some more depth in the fighting system. Yeah, even though I bought this game new a looong time ago with the online pass, of course the rooms are deserted now. The game also sells DLC coins to make unlocking panties easier but this was still in the early DLC fuck fest days so it's pretty easy to unlock most of them with the free in-game currency. No need to pay real money for fake panties.
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| Most of the 98 panties are just color variations... I think. Um, it's not like I spent hours unlocking em all! |
Score: 3.5 If Shitaku feels uncomfortable playing this game, maybe switch to boxers? out of 5. (53.5 hours for platinum)
I think I've gone on long enough so time to wrap up this impartial and amazingly in-depth game review. While I would normally dock a game for annoyingly long load times, I gave this one a break cause you know, Vita is obsolete, has like 2 megs or memory, thank god for the Switch savior blah blah blah. It's a pretty fun game overall and I put it slightly above average just for the volume of content and kudos for really ramping up the number of memorable characters. When I can remember most of the names of 20 characters, that means they did a pretty good job.
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| Misogynistic fashion design 101 |
I also liked playing around with the various hair, outfit, and accessories because that's just the kind of shit I like to do, I guess. If you like to mash buttons, mess with outfits, and listen to girls talk about I dunno Ninja girl stuff, this game is for you. Oh yeah, and sometimes, every once in a while, people fucking die (but nobody you care about cause we got ourselves a bona fide franchise here!).
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| Also have to point out the nice fat 43 page Vita manual #goodoldays |
Some bonus screen shots for my social studies thesis paper.
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| It's not just about boobs but also real quality writing |
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| These blocking turtles were annoying as fuck |
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| Nothing to see here. Move along. |
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| Sure the tears looks bad but she's got $150G check coming so... #MAGA? |
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| No seriously, it's a pretty fun game. |
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
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