Though light on narrative, the ending of Hokkaidou rensa satsujin blah blah definitely left an impression on me and will probably go down as the best adventure game of 1984. Though it did not make GOTY simply due to the genre defining technical achievement of King's Quest, so far, it was definitely the game I enjoyed most from that year.
So of course, I had to check out the 3rd entry in Horii Yuji's Mysteries trilogy: Karuizawa Yukai Annai. At least this time, the title is far easier to memorize and it is a very curious title: Karuizawa kidnap guide. Never have I seen the word "kidnap" paired with "guide" before. I hope it doesn't trigger some FBI search alert... oops, I guess writing about the FBI doesn't help me here. Anyways, since there is no PC98 Master race remake, I will delve into the original PC88 version. Oh wait, there's a phone app remake? Let's see...
OMG, I just literally barfed RIGHT in my mouth just now
Wow, Square, you've somehow managed to make a game from 1985 look WORSE on a phone with probably about 1000x better hardware. That's... quite an achievement. BRAVO! Ok anyways, let's get on to the OG PC88 Master race.
So this is a heart breaking mystery murder adventure like the last game right??
In the last game, you played as a detective investigating a series of murders by ordering around your slightly perverted detective underling. Right off the bat, I have a feeling Kuruizawa Yukai Annai is going for a slightly different tone.
Man, I can't wait to solve a thrilling mystery!
But I can't quite put my finger on just what feels different about this game.
So is this a game where I need an emergency ESC in case my mom walks in?
This time around, you play as a regular Joe Blow vacationing with your girlfriend at a cabin in you guessed it: Karuizawa (OMG PLOT TWIST!). After you get frisky with your GF (that's always a good way to start a game), she worries that her younger sister Nagisa hasn't returned from an errand to buy some soy sauce. The police doesn't seem interested and thinks she just went off wandering somewhere and will be back soon. So you and your GF decide to take matters into your own hands and set off to find her.
I'm still trying to figure out what feels different about this game...
The controls are very smooth in this game. You can do everything from the 8-directional keypad and Yuji added a map this time. This works better with the narrative that you're roaming around town, looking for Nagisa-chan.
Was gonna put screenshot of map but still trying to pin down what's different
Thanks to the lack of infinite possibilities of a text input adventure game, I think this game is very doable without a guide. I still used a guide though cause fuck it, I don't have time to wander around aimlessly, looking for Nagisa-chan. However, the big exception are the parts where you have to find shit on the screen. It's like there's exactly one TINY spot which has the item and it's totally invisible. Even knowing the invisible item was there, it took me forever to actually find it. So in short, this game is pretty much impossible without a guide in the later chapters.
The search icon is a heart? Hmm... is the game trying to tell me something?
Finally, we get to the last chapter and funny ol' Yuji decides to put a barebones, crappy RPG in the mix. The only moves that are effective is for Kumiko to blow a kiss, Asami to show her "panti" and you do all the fighting. You have to defeat the guys in the right order and even then, you may need to save and retry if you're not lucky. Needless to say, I wasn't super impressed.
Panti RPG is a good idea but lacking a bit in execution
Score: 2 just make it a freakin' eroge Yuji and stop teasing already out of 5.
As the final 3rd entry in the Yuji's mystery series, I guess I can look at this as his final goodbye to ero as he cleans himself up to make a little known series of games called Dragon Quest. I can see why the previous entry is way more popular as it has a far superior story and human drama. Still, this one was a playful and somewhat funny title and while not the best story, it has some of the best art for it's time and deserves at least a play through.
Fuck it, GOTY. Why the hell not?
Dude, what are you doing with Kumiko?! Nagisa is OBVIOUSLY the way to go!
Bye pervert Yuji, we'll miss you.
This picture included with game is the clue to the final puzzle before the RPG bit
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
If you're a long-time reader of this blog, first of all, you have excellent taste and second, you may have noticed just the slightest hint of fondness for Imageepoch. It's not like I planned things that way. I only noticed much later that many of the games I really dug and enjoyed just happened to share the same name.
You may be gone but your spirit lives on... I hope. Sigh...
I was super bummed when the company disappeared (whatever happened to the CEO btw?) but thankfully other companies are picking up the slack. Fate/EXTELLA was just announced and even though it sounds like an action Musou clone (MEH), I'm still hopeful for a good game. At least it's a good excuse to revisit the first game.
Hopeful Fate/EXTELLA will be OK at least story-wise despite this action bullshit
When I first played Fate/EXTRA, my only exposure to the Fate franchise was the Fate/stay night anime and I thought it was boring as hell. Shirou was one of the most whiniest, annoying characters only a bit better than Shinji from Evangelion (aka "the crying masturbator") and Saber was like that super annoying straight edge girl in college who probably should've gone to a dry campus. So you won't hear me raving and drooling over this game just because of the franchise. In fact, I actually came in a bit skeptical but I was quickly pulled in by the very unorthodox premise.
Wha-? You calling ME the NPC?? THE NERVE! Sure, my avatar is super generic but I HAVE FEELINGS!
What I really liked about this game is that you're not some super special hero destined to save the world AGAIN. Ok ok, you start off with amnesia (oh that's a new one) but I loved how everybody just treats you like NPC trash (aka mob-chara if you ask some fucking weaboos). Everyone assumes you're going to die in every battle and it was awesome to see their shocked faces every time you come out alive. They're all like, "WTF?? You're still here??"
Gameplay-wise, the boss battles are definitely the highlight. The regular battles are very simple, pretty much rock-paper-scissor. The environments and regular enemies are super low-budget, very generic and often recycled. You level up very quickly at each new dungeon but there's a huge drop off so you can't grind really. This makes the later boss battles fairly challenging. Between just plain luck, trying to anticipate the boss's moves as well as timing your own special attacks, and making good use of your items, the boss battles are what makes this game fun. Yes, you actually need to use ITEMS in this game!
The music is smooth as hell... just like yours truly
You can choose between 3 servants and so far I've only played through the game with Saber. But man, she's SOOOO much cooler than Fate/stay night. She's deliciously decadent and is totally the opposite of the annoying, straight-edge, frigid Saber character from the anime. I am replaying the game with Caster and there's a couple boss battles and options that you can choose differently in a second playthrough so there is some replayability. A 3rd playthrough is stretching it a bit though.
UPDATE: Since it's been a while and I forgot a lot of the story, I went ahead and beat this game a second time with Caster and it was just as much fun as I remember. I even beat the secret hidden boss that only unlocks on the second playthrough and boy was that fight TOUGH! If you want to win as Caster, you pretty much have to cast a spell almost every turn as the boss can and WILL kill you with one devastating move. However, the battle won't end early enough for your MP to last so that's something you have to figure out. Anyways, great game and I'm sure I'll play it for a final 3rd time a few years later again.
Caster, you're the only waifu for me! Really!
Score: 3.5 Ha, paper beats rock! Wait, why is there a sword in my chest?? GAAAAAH! out of 5 (80 hours to beat twice with Saber and Caster)
I think Fate/EXTRA could have really used some more budget. Despite being a very story heavy TYPE-MOON game, there are far too few voiced lines. I actually had to read or something. (WTF is this "read" shit??) The environments are extremely limited and while the regular battles are kinda relaxing in a way, paper-rock-scissor isn't something to get excited about.
However, I really enjoyed the story despite all the reading and the boss battles were fun as hell. The music was good and overall, I had a great time with the game. I'm going to enjoy replaying it now it's been a few years and a bit more fresh.
Fate/EXTRA is available in English but not dubbed. Even though non-Jhipsters have to read ALL the text, with the large volume of unvoiced dialogue, I guess this time I can sympathize... a bit. LOL, you poor non-Jhipsters.
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
So as I write this blog post, I guess Dingo Inc. recently went belly up, which is really unfortunate because I really dug their lineup. Fortunately, none of the games they worked on were published by them so there should be no issues with availability of their catalog. Still, it's unfortunate to see another cool shop go down while stupid ass DeNA is chugging away with their diarrhea bullshit. Gamers these days...
I gotta keep this recurring theme going, ya know
Anyways, with a drink to our fallen comrade, let's dig into Project DIVA 2nd. To quickly sum up DIVA 2nd (and yes I'm going to keep using CAPS because that's the official title), it's basically what I feel like the first game should've been and pretty much renders the previous game completely unnecessary to own. I'm still keeping it though cause collectors...
Man, I bet his girlfriend is feeling soooo lucky...
First of all, they added an auto-save feature. Jesus, I can't believe they didn't have that in the first game. Not only that, DIVA 2nd also has ALL the modules from the first game and pretty much every song except for a few I really didn't care about anyway. On top of that, they enhanced the gameplay with the standard elements you expect in a Diva game, namely long button holds and the W double key press. In addition, the left directional pad is now interchangeable with the right keys allowing you to press all 8 keys alternately as you see fit. Pretty much the basics of all the newer Diva games. Finally, there's a harder difficulty mode EXTREME that the first game did not have.
Finally, a real rhythm game.
So not only do you get most of the songs from the first game but you get those songs with better gameplay and a new difficulty setting. On top of that, of course you have EVEN MORE modules and a smattering of songs completely new to 2nd. Also, for songs that feature 2 characters, you now have a way to choose the second character as well. You want to play a Rin and Len song with Haku and Luka? Go for it! They also added a few more key sounds instead of just the standard tambourine-ish sound. I always turn that key sound off cause I'm a music PURIST but a welcome improvement for some.
Wait, wasn't this song in the first game? Yes, but it's EXTREME now!
Finally, the other major change is the introduction of in-game currency to unlock modules and room accessories. No, don't worry, this game is still from the golden age of gaming so I'm not talking about some microtrans BULLSHIT. Basically, instead of those tedious module unlock requirements from the first game that made you play a song you weren't particularly fond of 5 times or EVERY SONG to unlock those silly swimsuits, you can play whatever song you like to acquire points to unlock modules. While I would've enjoyed the achievement style unlocking if the achievements weren't so boring, I appreciate the flexibility of this new model.
But don't fret! All that time I spend playing EVERY song FOUR TIMES to unlock 4 swimsuits was not in vain as you can import your original save and get all those modules unlocked in this game right from the start. Since the first game has a good number of modules and those swimsuits do cost a fair amount of points, you can save a heap of time this way. I mean if you ignore the heap of time I wasted just to see Luka and Meiko in a swimsuit. (Shuddap! It was totally worth it!)
Can you imagine, you can unlock all this GRATIS? Ahh, those were the days.
Of course, the meat of this game are the new songs and they don't disappoint. It's a matter of personal taste but I much preferred the song selection this time around as I felt it had catchier songs that sounded more "professional" (or "commercial" for the music indie hipsters). The visual were great as well with a lot of lively animation and heaps of that moe goodness (complete with naganegi stick).
This was probably one of the funnest (and funniest) songs to watch.
Really, if you're remotely into rhythm games, vocaloid music, and especially any of the newer DIVA games, you can't go wrong with this one. It took the technology of the first game and refined the mechanics into a solid winner of a rhythm game. You can skip the first one but this is definitely a keeper (or buy both if you're a hoarder... err I mean collector).
There's other features such as the PV editor which I don't touch because I suck at that kind of thing but you can see a preview of it in this nice trailer by Sega.
Score: 3.5 but really, they're just recycling all the songs from the first game! Shhhhh SHUDDAP!! out of 5
If you're coming into 2nd right after finishing the first Project DIVA game like me, you may feel a slight wave of disappointment every time you unlock a new song and it's a song you just finished playing. However, if you're coming into this game new, you'll be pleasantly surprised by a generous list of songs with great visuals and the large number of cute modules you can unlock BY PLAYING THE GAME. OMG, you greedy gamer, will you think of all the DLC money the poor publisher must have lost on this game???!!! Don't worry, you can still purchase additional songs as DLC, KACHING!
Pre-order limited edition EXCLUSIVE DLC that will only be valid the first week of release!!!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
For some reason, I have no trouble getting through Ace Attorney games as this must be the only game series on the market that I'm actually mostly caught up on (minus crossover stuff). In fact, the reason why I haven't written about all the AA games is because I finished them long before I started this blog and don't really remember the details too well.
So when Daigyakuten Saiban was announced, I could've bought it and played it right away buuuuut, AA5 was such a disappointment, I was wary of the franchisement of the series ala in the style of "Ass creed" and COD. Anyways, I steered away for a while because reviews suggested the story was half-finished. Sure enough, with the announcement of the sequel aka "ok, hopefully this time they finished the game for real", I thought it was about time to get my objection addiction fix in.
I don't even remember all the countless references to this series
My first impression as I started the game with wary skepticism was got dayum, the music is good. The AA soundtrack really needs to be fully orchestral and finally, we have the technology to make the music come alive.
Thank goodness Nintendo is finally getting modern technology!
Just listen to that sweet Contrabass
Beside the sweet soundtrack, I really liked the fresh 20th century setting. I think the franchising of Naruhodo Ryuichi is really what made AA5 so dull and tired and Capcom really should've ended it with that character (but I'm sure Marketing/Sales had different opinions). Anyways, who cares about all that shit. It's WAIFU TIME!!!
Susato: My AA #1 Waifu
The highlight of this game is definitely Mikotoba Susato. Her grace, her Yamato nadeshiko mannerisms, a delicate and yet strong willpower. Oh man, everything about her makes me want to travel back in time to Japan before the advent of Gyaru-go. Ugh, JK nowadays are so tensage.
Git your "chou yaba yaba gachi" shit out my face, HO!!
As for the meat of the game, the plot, well, there's a lot of filler cases. Except for the god game AAI2, we all know the first case is just your typical tutorial filler but honestly, even though I haven't played the sequel, I'm 99% sure case 2 AND case 4 are pretty much filler as well. So if you consider 60% of the game is filler, yeah, I can see why they "needed" to split it into two games. Only by case 5, does the story START to get interesting and so really, in this first game, you're just left enjoying Susato's mannerisms and the music. Fun times, but not much more than that.
me>
Please marry me Susato!
However, the story is not nearly as unfinished as the Japanese reviews suggest. Yeah, it leaves some questions unanswered for the next game but I was expecting the game to end at any moment out of nowhere based on how pissed some of the reviewers were. Given the complete lack of taste of Japanese gamers nowadays, maybe they should've added some gacha cards and suckered people out of several thousands of yen to review more favorably? Anyways, while this game is not as good as the best AA games, it's certainly better than 5 and a bit better than 4. Given that this is a Capcom franchise now, I don't think you can expect much more than that.
I do find it interesting to finally play a AA game with juries instead of the usual bench rulings. Even though AA4 hinted at adding juries, it's funny we had to go back in time to finally experience it.
Score: 3 I dunno I'll have to wait and see how shit plays out so 3 for now out of 5? (35 hours to beat)
Bonus 0.5 point for #1 AA waifu Susato and OST
After the disappointment of AA5, I really don't expect too much from AA games anymore in terms of the story department. The best I can hope for is casual fun times with likeable characters and maybe even some moe. In that regard, Daigyakuten Saiban fully delivers even though the cases themselves are mostly underwhelming. Even for the ladies, I'm mean I'm not gay or anything but Holmes and the prosecutor are pretty damn hot. Just wait till you see Holmes without his hat.
At least I can add this to the shrinking list of Jhipster Japanese exclusive titles. If you're wondering why Capcom is quoted as saying they "can't localize" this title, I think a recent Sherlock Holmes lawsuit settlement might be a very good plausible explanation. To sum it up, we Americans are consumerism slaves to our corporate overlords and lawyer shark jokes, etc. etc.. Ahem, anyways, time for the obligatory Jhipster smug seal of approval on this never to be localized Japanese gem candidate if they don't fuck up the second sequel half of the game.
Jhipster smugness seal of approval
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
I remember first trying Drag-On Dragoon (what non-Jhipsters call Drakengard) many years ago. Alas, I must have been too immature as a gamer because I thought it sucked hard donkey balls and promptly turned it off, back to collecting dust on my gaming shelf. That is, if I was allowed to have a gaming shelf instead of putting all my "unsightly" shit in my closet, safe from the eyes of would-be disgusted visitors by all the anime "porn". (Cero D, I assure you, but try telling that to the house guests!)
My game "room" except I'm not a cute imouto, just a regular ugly nerd with beard and fedora.
Ahem, anyways, as I was saying, I was one of those typical young gamers who cared about stupid shit like graphics, responsive controls, and a camera you could control to see what the hell you were doing. Obviously, today as a distinguished gamer connoisseur, with experience going back all the way to PC88, I have a much bigger tolerance for such trivial things. After all, such annoyances are nothing compared to playing an adventure game ALL IN KATAKANA.
So when I booted up Drag-On Dragoon again, the shitty graphics, a useless camera that snaps back, and repetitive gameplay did not bother me one bit. In fact, the repetition was almost kind of therapeutic in a way. Just press square until you see the yellow flash then press triangle. Repeat this exactly 56,195 times and you're good to go! If you're wondering where I came up with that number, the game helpfully tracks the number of times you attack just so you can see exactly how many times you've repeated this action like the brain-dead, zombie gamer that you are. Thanks for making me reflect on my useless life and destroying what little self-esteem I had, game!
Bad guys have the courtesy to stand around and wait just like your favorite kungfu movie
The game also felt extra tedious in the beginning because you're so weak. It takes forever to kill anything. But if you know to ignore the random people when you first start, you'll find it much easier to get started. Your weapons level up by the number of people you kill so you can replay the earlier missions and wipe up much faster when you're stronger later on.
And speaking of the weapons, I can kinda start to understand why people like pokemon so much because even though the gameplay is SUPER repetitive, I just HAD to collect all dem damn weapons. Of course, once you collect a weapon, then you have to kill several hundred people with it to level it up. You also unlock the weapon's story in pieces as you level it up to level 4. So yeah, it's like dynasty warrior pokemon except for the part where you're basically massacring thousands of people. Otherwise, it's totally the same.
The flying missions are a nice break, because they are pretty simple except for a few damn tough bosses. You can hold square to auto-target and the rest is just moving around and using L1/R1 to dodge projectiles. As for those boss fights, yeah, you need to learn their patterns and get good. There's nothing like that feeling of beating a tough boss with barely any health left after about 6 or 9 tries.
It's like Lair (PS3) except Lair has fucking amazing graphics compared to this and is also $2 at Gamestop.
Honestly, the two screenshots above cover pretty much everything you'll see in the game but in different environments. The story is pretty short, told in a mixture of short dialogues and even shorter movies. It's definitely not a long-winded visual novel style affair. The mature themes are very subtle so you won't be seeing anything too explicit but you will definitely see some umm... interesting ideas to say the least. It won't rub anything in your face though so you'll have to pay attention, especially no pafu-pafu that's for sure.
You won't be seeing any panchira or oppai in this one... well... at least not the kind you would want
As for the music, well you know how there was supposedly a riot at the performance of Igor Stravinsky's Rite of Spring in Paris? Ok gamers, you know umm... music and culture and stuff? Yeaaaaah, anyway google it if you're a philistine. But basically, the entire soundtrack is pretty much Rite of Spring, a constant assault on your ears. Not bad by any means but definitely veeeery uncomfortable.
There's more than 30 tracks to torture yourself for your inner masochist!
As a Jhipster, I'm not too familiar with whatever censorship that may have been put on this game for the English version since I always play the OG dope shit. Googling around, I was confused about the whole "Watchers" thing until I realized that was something they made up to remove any references to God. Oh you silly American Christians, lighten up will ya??
You may want to skip to the end if you want to avoid even the slightest hint of spoilers, but this is the first game I've played where every ending gets worse than the previous one. To give you an idea of how fucked things get, I was pulling my hair out because I could not for the life of me find a spear, even though the game said the chest containing said spear appeared. Turns out the game was lying to me and I had to kill ALL the giant babies to the north to make it appear. However, I had to go to work before I could try that so basically, I spent all day thinking about killing babies. Does that kind of give you an idea of the fuckedupedness? By the way, the English version calls them something else and not babies even though that's plainly what they are.
33,100 people killed, totally like Pokemon
Score: 3 still have no clue how this relates to Nier but don't fucking tell me goddamn internet spoiler nation out of 5 (34 hours to beat)
Overall, despite the crappy gameplay, or maybe even because of it, I really enjoyed my time with Drag-On Dragoon. The story, while not too detailed, was interesting and I couldn't wait to unlock the next ending. However, collecting all the weapons is pretty much impossible without a guide and the last stage was an absolute pain in the ass to beat (don't be ashamed of the pause button).
A very unique and interesting title but one I would still give an average score of 3. Definitely worth checking out but not what I would call a great game. I have NO IDEA why they would decide to change the name to Drakengard outside Japan. Drag-on is such a fucking accurate description AND when put together, it spells "Dragon". GENIUS!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Doth my eyes deceive me? Is bitter smile. a japanese game title that's not only NOT all in caps but actually foregoes upper case entirely??? Ok, there's a weird and pointless period in the title but still, bravo Giga for bucking the trend with an almost regular English title.
I cannot be obedient for the palpitation... ok, well, it was a good try at least
This is the 2nd Giga title I've finished albeit in all its TGL consumer port censored glory and my 4th galge overall so I guess I'm on a roll. It's not like I'm even really that much into the genre, it's just that these games are taking up space on my Vita memory card and as we all know, Vita memory is FUCKING ridiculously expensive.
The Cero C censored (non) sex has nothing to do with my play preference
This game doesn't have a platinum trophy so it's not a good game for trophy whores. Who am I kidding? Dumb trophy whores don't care that! Out of the 583 owners who use psnprofiles, almost half "completed" the game in under 3 hours which is total bullshit. Incidentally, it took me a little over one month, which currently puts me at around #508, which is like the last page of the fastest (aka slowest) achievers. Doya!
Trophy whores everywhere I go
Putting aside my usual griping of trophy whores (where the fuck do they come up with the money to waste just for fucking trophies???) ahem, the game itself was so-so. My main crush was your kouhai Arikawa Chiseka but unfortunately, she's just a side character with no route. BOOO!
My kouhai... not sure what's going on here cause Cero C censorship
All the routes were pretty uneventful except for one, and even that was just kinda meh. There's not much to see here except for a very standard love story. However, one thing to note is that the Vita port was absolute shit. This must be one of TGL's earlier ports because the control scheme is jacked and worse, NO VOLUME CONTROLS!!!
L+X to save?? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??
The backlog was shit cause you can only see ONE LINE at a time and weirdly enough you can stop the music so you can actually hear what they're saying but only in the backlog after you already couldn't hear it in the game itself. Anyway, long story short, if it wasn't for the sex which my delicate enlightened mind cannot handle, I would say the PC version is far superior. Except you know, don't be a filthy pirate and buy your game, etc. etc.
Reader XXXonepieceinyofairytaleXXX sent in this screenshot of the PC version (god damn filthy pirate)
Score: 2 ok ok, I swear my next blog post will be for a real game out of 5
Given the pretty vanilla, standard story and the awful piss poor job done of the Vita port, I'm gonna have to give this one a solid MEH score of 2... barely. If only the consumer port added some extra scenarios namely censored (non)sex with ultimate tsundere Chiseka, it might have gotten a bit higher score but alas, she will be forever unattainable (fingers crossed for expanded nintendo switch port??).
Bonus screenshots for the future galge museum
How the fuck developers make this and not make her a route? Goddamn tease.
Chiseka school of tsundere 101 (sorry non-jhipsters)
Hot damn! Is it ok to have this kind of language in Cero C?? (sorry non-jhipsters)
Seriously, the story is not as moving as the broken English tries to say it is
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
I'm not exactly a expert gaming historian (if you haven't noticed by now) but according to Wikipedia, PaRappa the Rapper is supposedly the first modern rhythm game. I guess that's why I can't fault it too much for being such a SHITTY GAME.
First of all, the entire game has a total of 6 songs and I was able to beat it in under an hour if not closer to 30 minutes. Not only is the game incredibly short but the biggest problem is that the small amount of content ISN'T EVEN FUN!
I've played my share of rhythm games and this is the first one I've played where I don't even know why I'm sucking. The correct timing is still a mystery to me but I can say for sure that it's not based on the buttons on the screen. I mean, it's cool that the button presses actually make PaRappa rap but don't bother trying to do it according to the timing bar. The interface is awkward as well when the buttons are on two lines. The 6th and last song even has spots where you basically have to memorize the next button since it just pops up out of nowhere.
It's almost criminal how many better rhythm games there are (*cough DJMax cough*) that don't have nearly as much name recognition as this pile of poo. And yet here we are with an upcoming PS4 HD remake of so far the worst rhythm game I have ever played. If you don't believe me, try the demo available on PSN right now.
The HD remake nobody needs but hipsters will still buy I'm sure
Also, as a Jhipster, there is absolutely no reason to import this one as everything is in English. Unless for some weird reason, you wanna see the translated Japanese lyrics.
I'm not a weeb! I just thought there would be a Japanese song version!!
Score: 1 I hope I get my money back selling on ebay out of 5
While I don't condone piracy, I really should've checked out an ISO or something before wasting my money on buying this sucker. Thanks to it's totally unfounded name recognition, at least I hope I can sell it for as much as I paid for it.
Just trying to point out the title for my ebay listing
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
It took almost 6 months but I finally finished my 3rd galge: Renai 0 Kilometer v. So I guess I'm practically an expert on the genre, eh? As far as I know, this Vita port is identical in content to the PSP version, which added a whopping 4 extra routes and 2 whole new characters. The only difference is that for some reason the Vita version is ridiculously expensive. I got my "copy" on a PSN sale (yeah, I'm still a sucker).
Don't worry Himuroya, you'll soon get your own route and even a theme song! No H though cause Cero C. Sorry!
One of the additional characters is voiced by none other than Tamura Yukari and she ironically plays the role of a High School student trying to become a voice actress. Tamura Yukari is famous for being eternally 17. (Sorry I have to explain this basic stuff for the non jhipsters). The 2 new characters don't have anything to do with the main story, they're just 2 broads you meet on the street (you playa you!).
So yeah, the main story is pretty much as you'd expect in a galge. It kinda reminded me of Marmalade Boy except more harem-ish. Without getting into the details, just in case anybody reading this is interested in playing it (pfft yeah right), you end up living with a bunch of girls who live next door (hence the 0 kilometer). Basically, 3 imoutos and 1 oneechan (if that's your thing) whom you're legally allowed to boink. Of course, I'm only guessing about that part because I played the censored "oh let's have a date at the mall teehee" Cero C consumer port.
A reader sent in this shot of the 18+ you're going to hell PC version. Thanks xxxOnePieceInYoFairyTailxxx!
Beside the silly premise, I thought the story was actually pretty good. Nothing happens outside the realm of normal reality in this one. No stupid magic tools pooped from a tree or time traveling Suzuha (though as I said Yukari IS in the game). However, even though the situations are very mundane, the dialogue is pretty damn funny. And though I did get tired of the game a bit with all the side routes, the main routes did keep me interested once I finally got to them. Also, a lot of 4th wall breaking humor. There was even a part where the girl said something embarrassing and disabled the backlog temporarily.
Noooo, my backlog!!!!!
The art style wasn't bad though some of the characters have tailored boob pockets and American porn silicon boobs. (Hate to break it to the protagonist, but dem melons ain't natural dude.)
Also conveniently serves as a face pillow in a pinch
Beside the fake boobies, I liked the design for characters that didn't get some uh "work" done. There are also a few scenes using a completely different art style which I thought was charming and cute.
This was apparently before she went in to get some "work" done
Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by this title and though I probably paid a bit more than I wanted to even with a "sale", at least I enjoyed my time with it. I would say, check it out if you can find it for a good price and don't mind a run-of-the-mill, imouto/oneechan-fetish, love triangle... urr heptagon story. I am of course talking to fellow jhipsters only, trophy whores aren't welcome.
I don't even bother talking about galge music anymore cause it's so generic
Score: 3 real boobs aren't shaped like that! ...or so I've read online... out of 5
While the Amazon Japan reviews rag on the Vita port for being pretty much a PSP game plopped onto a Vita cart, technically it was just ok. Yeah, the audio quality ain't exactly PC quality but oh well, at least it wasn't full of bugs like Harvest OverRay. All these Vita galge ports seem like a cash grab to me anyways. Hey, as long as it helps the Vita. You hear me Sony? Make a Vita 2, you chicken shits!!
Additional screenshots for the next generation of galge aficionados.
Dat Cero C steam is damn aggressive.
LOL this part was so funny! (Sorry non jhipsters...)
I never thought I'd say this but I think I can use an imouto break actually
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
Hatsune Miku has obviously become much more than just a mascot character for Yamaha's Vocaloid voice synthesizer. While to an ignorant non-jhipster, Miku may be just yet another excuse to say Japan is weird in some lame news filler segment, it actually has made a huge impact on the indie music scene.
Combined with Niconico douga, Vocaloid has become a platform for producers (you know those funny usernames that end with "p") and singers to collaborate on songs without ever working directly together. The line between indie and pro has blurred as many composers and singers have worked their way into the commercial market, including for example, rhythm games like this one. Ryo and supercell are probably one of the most well known example of this kind of dynamic doujin/commercial music landscape and I sure hope you like Ryo, because like 5 of his songs are in this game. That and a whole bunch of OSTER project (LOL futanari).
When vocaloid producers go pro
So how is the first transition of Miku to the rhythm gaming genre? Honestly, pretty piss poor. While I have to give credit to Sega for figuring out how to license and commercialize doujin music, as a rhythm game, this is like the most basic of basic gameplay. Not only can you not use the arrow keys for anything, there are no long notes nor any type of key combination. It's just basically 4 buttons timed pretty much exactly to the lyrics.
I guess it may be a good introduction to the genre for newbs but otherwise, it's about the most simple rhythm game I've ever played. The production value on the visuals are pretty impressive though and if I were to see this in 2009, I probably would have been floored with the PSP (#BAE) graphics. However, in today's standards, it's you know, just standard PSP graphics and the frame rate gets a bit choppy when too much stuff is going on in the background.
Not exactly the best gameplay to put it mildly
As for the song list, I can't be too harsh on it given that there's a far smaller Miku library in 2009 compared to today but I guess if you like Ryo, then you can't go wrong with this game. Personally, I only liked a few jazzy tunes and Dear Cocoa Girls. The rest of the songs were honestly pretty meh.
Notice panchira is not blacked out in the good ol days unlike Miku VR (damn SJWs)
Technically, being able to change dynamic character models with modules was definitely new for a rhythm game. I did not unlock all the modules because the swimsuit ones are just pure grind but had fun unlocking the majority of them. The swimsuit ones are BS though because you have to play ALL songs and score Great or above for each character. I did it once for Miku and was pretty much done.
There's a couple other modes such as unlocking accessories for the Miku room but I didn't really see much point in it. You can also see an art gallery of all the Miku fan art used in loading screens and whatnot which I guess is cool for the fans. I mean, imagine if your fan art was picked up for a Miku game?
Note to self: don't quit day job to become home decorator
Score: 2... ok ok, +.5 moe bonus point cause Miku snow module is so damn cute (moeeeee) out of 5 (12 hours to beat)
I think the whole idea behind the game (by the fans etc.) is really cool given that a similar thing would be totally impossible in the US thanks to greedy record executives and their lawyer sharks. Yeah, the first game kinda sucks balls but it's still a good start to a long running series that gets much better later on. Miku is still as cute as ever too. Oh yeah, and there's NO AUTO SAVE!!! I lost my entire first session because I was too new school and didn't know I had to save my game manually.
Additional screenshots before they're confiscated by the SJW police in our future dystopia.
Gosh, cute ain't she?
No seriously, so cute!
So pure and innocent
Wait, why are the feds at my door?
No, you don't get it, it's MOE!
HAAAAAAAALP!!!!
Scale
0 - Awful
1 - Bad and not worth your time
2 - Has some flaws but still enjoyable
3 - An average enjoyable experience
4 - A great game
5 - Masterpiece of a caliber only found very rarely
